On the first section, you have good descriptions, not much of a plot so I can't judge it from a story perspective. This is a long description for the death of what I think is a doe, and its final moments are very grim.
I'll say I wish you continued with that one more because I almost feel as if you build up a sort of significance to it, and never pay off any of it. Basically I think you could do more with your first post, because it feels as though you are trying to say something or make a point. It just never feels as if that point has a strong conclusion, or amounts to something. However, I've been working on debate recently and my mind may just be geared that way for the moment rather than as a writer.
I also happened to mention that I didn't think I would have time to do this. I don't think I'll ever be promising something again here or anywhere else unless it is extremely important. I will post when I can most likely.
12-Sep-2013 05:10:20
