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Echoes of the Gods

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Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Oh, you're welcome. And I found en error in my post; if the vampires were truly stoic, they would not be looking for revenge. Only the vampire girl is stoic. Love it when I forget things in my own works.
So yeah, all's well. Emotional scenes often bore me honestly, but that was one exception, as I recalled a similar event like that in my own life. I think we like stories more when we can remember events in our own lives that, in even a very small way, reflect something we read in a story. But that's just me.
My favorite colour is blue. Wait! Yellow-

19-Dec-2011 20:45:51

Venmi

Venmi

Posts: 14,744 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chuk, you continue to amaze me. This is fantastic, with vast and vivid descriptions. This actually seems publishable if you took out the RuneScape references. Great job.
One error I found that should be addressed. I get what you mean, but it does sound confusing.
"Focused primarily on training leaders and military officers, he fit the life as well foot fits into a glove."
Shouldn't, "as a" come after "well"? That should fix that little problem. Other than that, everything looked fine. What impressed me most about this story is that it flows very well. The long descriptions add to the story, and you maintain a fine balance between detail and overkill.
~Mitch

20-Dec-2011 22:18:50

Dyrnwyn
Nov Member 2007

Dyrnwyn

Posts: 1,396 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ok, I read everything you have up thus far. I'm honestly amazed. It's brilliant, and I can't wait to read the next bit! ^_^
There is one thing I'd like to point out, though: I'm kind of confused regarding the name of the god. Is it Saradomin or Domi? There seems to be some slight inconsistency there. :P // Wordsmith ~ The Novelists' Guild // Viking //

22-Dec-2011 22:40:07

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yeah, on the whole god name thing: this is a rewrite, and in the original version, I was using Saradomin. However, in an attempt to remove direct RS references in case I ever get this to the point where it can be published, I'm trying to change the name to Domi. Obviously, I forgot to make the switch sometimes. That's all there is to that, and it should all disappear in later chapters as I get used to replacing names.
And yeah, Nightwish is great. Have you checked out Kamelot? I like them almost as much.
Oh, and I forgot the most important part: Thanks so much for reading! :D

22-Dec-2011 22:45:02 - Last edited on 22-Dec-2011 23:00:11 by Chuk

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