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~` The Admiral's Fleet `~
Quick find code: 49-50-882-57529225
Vacation bump. Won't be back until after January 1st.
-- Chek
-- Chek
25-Dec-2008 23:16:46
Overall Description: 34/40
Be careful not to use adjectives too often in your writing. “Succumb” and “majestic” were used a lot in the string of your Trontest entries, and made for a more repetitive read. You used your words quit well; balancing the few advanced words you had with simpler ones.
With the Jad short, The Inferno, even though it was mostly description, it was beautifully done. Describing the fire… “Flames dance around you, licking you tender body with their blazing, burning tongues, creating a smell of roasting flesh. This is your resting place; this is your future; this is your home.” Was great, along with the short “Grace” those had to be my two where I like your description the most. Just don’t describe too much or else it gets boring, even when it was beautifully done with Inferno.
Overall Mechanics: 35/35
In the spirit of the holidays (Dec. 26, but oh well) I’m going to give you a perfect score because I only found a single typo in the entire writing. In “The Storm”, I think it was (I’m not sure) you should have hyphenated the phrase “elegantly clad”. That was it. But still, for one insy-teensy typo, I’m giving you a freebie.
Oh, and even though Ode to a Hobo was amusing, get the *’s out of it, or do something, because it looks… messy. Plus, there was no way of knowing what the *’d out words were, I had to guess. Yeah… I think that’s it for Mechanics.
Overall Originality: 9/10
Your Originality was fine for the majority of all your shorts, but “The Storm” and “The Inferno” weren’t particularly original. I’ve seen Jad shorts before, and “The Storm” was good, not clichéd at all, but I have seen shorts like it before. As for the rest? Pretty original.
Be careful not to use adjectives too often in your writing. “Succumb” and “majestic” were used a lot in the string of your Trontest entries, and made for a more repetitive read. You used your words quit well; balancing the few advanced words you had with simpler ones.
With the Jad short, The Inferno, even though it was mostly description, it was beautifully done. Describing the fire… “Flames dance around you, licking you tender body with their blazing, burning tongues, creating a smell of roasting flesh. This is your resting place; this is your future; this is your home.” Was great, along with the short “Grace” those had to be my two where I like your description the most. Just don’t describe too much or else it gets boring, even when it was beautifully done with Inferno.
Overall Mechanics: 35/35
In the spirit of the holidays (Dec. 26, but oh well) I’m going to give you a perfect score because I only found a single typo in the entire writing. In “The Storm”, I think it was (I’m not sure) you should have hyphenated the phrase “elegantly clad”. That was it. But still, for one insy-teensy typo, I’m giving you a freebie.
Oh, and even though Ode to a Hobo was amusing, get the *’s out of it, or do something, because it looks… messy. Plus, there was no way of knowing what the *’d out words were, I had to guess. Yeah… I think that’s it for Mechanics.
Overall Originality: 9/10
Your Originality was fine for the majority of all your shorts, but “The Storm” and “The Inferno” weren’t particularly original. I’ve seen Jad shorts before, and “The Storm” was good, not clichéd at all, but I have seen shorts like it before. As for the rest? Pretty original.
26-Dec-2008 20:32:04
Wow. I never replied.
I'll get a reply up later, User.
-- Chek
I'll get a reply up later, User.
-- Chek
04-Jan-2009 18:55:29
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