RuneScape Forum Archive | ¥ Lord Robert Callobridge ¥

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

________ § LORD ROBERT CALLOBRIDGE § ________

The Tale of an English Journalist Whose Proximity to People in Power and Fascination With Death Draw Him to Plan Services for the Deceased Louis-Pierre Champeaux du La Morfique and Discover the True Face of Propriety.

Note: this is a finished story, roughly 15,000 words long.

This is the tale of Lord Robert Callobridge of Le Havre de Grâce, France. He has received news that his greatest friend and esteemed colleague, Monsieur Louis-Pierre Champeaux du La Morfique, has died, and, in accordance with Louis-Pierre's dying wish, Lord Callobridge is designing the funeral services. In a cold November of 1862, Lord Callobridge is presented with things that his friend could never have imagined and faces an image that threatens to pull back the carefully crafted fabric on Monsieur Louis-Pierre Champeaux.

If this is not to your taste, or if you would like to read something else because you did happen to enjoy it, I have compiled a list of my other threads in this forum.

Yrolg's Reviews -- Quick find code: 49-50-196-58521317
Yrolg's Omnibus -- Quick find code: 49-50-24-56194064
Lunar Eclipse -- Quick find code: 49-50-305-56396878
The Praxis Compositio Center -- Quick find code: 49-50-597-63862886
Message in a Barrel -- Quick find code: 49-50-466-62789428
Seas of Change -- Quick find code: 49-50-983-61850703

22-Aug-2010 21:04:06 - Last edited on 06-Jul-2013 07:03:51 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

When first I was called to the scene, I was immediately disinterested with any further involvement. Though I wrote for the nearest newspaper a weekly column focused entirely on the bizarre and unusual qualities of death, its immediate and tangible presence always brought about a great sense of repulsion within my being. Indeed, though the subject fascinated my curiosities to no end, I partook in these curiosities' fulfilments more scholarly than any other means. I prefer merely to stay within the confines of my office -- which, in such an employment, serves more as a protective barrier -- than to venture out into the scene and witness the effects firsthand. Most unfortunately, the fact that I am a journalist immediately predisposes me to some sort of added discomfort, for whilst the mere standby must merely see the spectacle, I must commit it to memory and take meticulous care to observe the macabre scene and all its grotesque details. Thus, my disinterest at merely connecting my presence with the scene, much less actually fulfilling it, is not only justified, but entirely reasonable.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:16 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:11:39 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Working as the agent of journalism, however, I was obliged to attend. It is not only the station that continuously requisites these unwanted excursions into the realm of mortality but also the empty coffers which accompany it. And it was therefore with an air of distaste that I collected my goods and prepared to depart my lonesome study. With this abysmal assortment of emotions, I made my way to the door, navigating the precariously piled papers on which my sustenance relied. Upon reaching the decrepit door, I turned around and studied the office. Casting my gaze upon its mountains of parchment and stacks of newspapers, I felt some connection with the place -- a warmth of familiarity and recognition that brought a great and jovial smile to my lips and a fluttering to my heart. Following a few short moments of comfort, however, I was reminded of the abysmal duty which lay before me, and the departure of such sentiments of warmth and friendship left me cold and isolated. It was with some sentiment of regret that I forced myself to turn around, and only through the most uncomfortable recollection of the financial status which threatened foreclosure on the magnificent abode did I manage to at last set about my way to the scene.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:17 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 23:27:51 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The travel was not pleasant, though I know not whether it was God or my own stubborn cynicism which denied me the trip's enjoyment. To any other traveller, the entire ordeal would, I have no doubts, have been utterly riveting. In a most uncharacteristic gesture at the end of the previous year, the Tribune's board had permitted the expense of a full-time driver for my carriage, so that I should more dutifully complete articles whilst en route to the oftentimes exotic scenes to which my work drags me. Thus, it may appear to the casual observer that I am constantly being escorted throughout the most unique and interesting portions of the country with the sole purpose of appreciating its beauty. Along with this preposterously optimistic viewpoint, many of such common witnesses may begin to wield some sort of envious contempt for the driven coach and its occupant. I have since retired any notion of explicating the situation so that such plebeians may fully understand what any truly observant entity undoubtedly pitied many moments before: that the coach was more a prison than a vessel of vacation and that my endurance of the incessantly ingratuitous voyage was never to be rewarded with anything but the escape to an even more depressing atmosphere.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:18 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:12:15 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

After having endured the unpleasantries just described for a period of time comparable only to eternity, the driver at last found it convenient to arrive. Slowing the small black carriage, he alerted the gatekeeper of my presence and awaited admittance. Meanwhile, I was trapped in the cage, unable to relieve myself of its oppressive atmosphere because the driver -- in an act most probably retaliating for the polite silence I had forced upon him some months previous -- had graciously stopped along the edge of a pitiless puddle of mud. Thus sequestered in the carriage, I designed it appropriate to begin preparations for the extensive amount of work which lay before me. Taking note that the unbearably humid atmosphere had at last taken the initiative to make the day as unenjoyable as naturally possible, I witnessed as precipitation began to fall, and, with this wonderful addition in mind, began creating the templates for the observations I would be required to make upon my arrival at the scene -- though the likelihood of its imminence was fast fading.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:19 - Last edited on 13-Nov-2010 00:58:40 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Even after a sufficient number of papers were prepared, still the sentry had not found the time to return, and having no desire to resort to the idleness of unproductivity, I undertook the task of penning my journey thencefar. My activities having consumed nearly two-thirds of an hour, and the patience of my restless driver showing the symptoms of waning, I looked through the narrow window towards the front of the cabin, somehow expecting that the sentry would be shortly returning. I stared out in this manner for a few moments' disappointment before, meeting my expectations, he did indeed return, panting in exasperation. Following a short discourse with my driver -- who seemed relieved to at last have present a party on whom he could bestow his limitless social cravings and indecencies -- he commenced with opening the gate. As it clicked into the open position, the man waved us on, backing into the small building that became visible as I began the ascent to the massive building which laid ahead.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:20 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2010 13:52:56 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Having finished both the forms and my notes, I began the task of mentally preparing myself for the eclectic display I knew would greet me ahead. Pulling my legs from the floor -- and feeling the previously stifled muscles exclaim at this newfound movement -- and tucking them under my torso so that each foot resided beneath the opposite leg's knee, I began to meditate on the mental trial which was expecting me at the house's entrance. Focusing all my energy at relaxation, I was able to procure a period of four seconds of bliss before my driver deemed it necessary to interrupt, interposing his rather unwanted presence into my study. Against my most serious and ardently voiced objections, he began to produce the driveling babble that any unfortunate eavesdropper should against all will of common sense attribute to speech, uttering, "My most sincere apologies. The sentry was unable to locate the mistress of the estate for permission to grant our requested admittance. We move only on behalf of the gatekeeper's executive faith in our travel. We do regret any delay and struggle to summon aught but melancholy at your inconvenience."

22-Aug-2010 21:04:21 - Last edited on 24-Sep-2010 20:58:02 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

His ostentatious display did as much to endear him to me as his apology -- offered more for his superiors at the Tribune's hiring service -- did to ameliorate the significant and nigh unbearable delay. One, knowing this, can therefore easily understand why I was perturbed, and it should therefore be justified that my response to his unwanted and insincere apology, which came against the behest of my most vigorous directives that he should fare well in not addressing me, was curt in its designation of displeasure. "Mr Helms***, you would do well not to address me, your superior, unless spoken to first. If you must persist in your disregard of this request, however, I should remind you that I may be addressed as 'Sir'. Now kindly refocus your attention on the road." I held no hope for his retainder of this request, as months had proven to me that the man held no regard for authority, but I felt inexplicably obliged to attempt the fool's education yet one more time. For immediate effect, I suppose, he did seem to take notice at my impatience and he sped the team of horses into a reckless charge towards the looming abode which at that moment flashed for us behind the haze of the now stopped precipitation.
But a short time later, as we neared the massive arc in the exceedingly long driveway, I felt some responsibility for the maintenance of my well-being: I directed the imbecilic driver to slow the vehicle. In an uncharacteristic display of intelligence -- however modest the store might be -- he responded with a glamorously silent nod, gradually slowing the frenzied horses. Gathering my belongings, I prepared for the departure from the prison-like carriage which awaited me some hundred yards in the future.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:31 - Last edited on 30-Sep-2010 13:54:58 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Lumbering to a stop, the driver escaped his seat on the front of the carriage and opened the door so that I may exit. I ignored the obeisance he clumsily attempted to offer and tucked the leather satchel within which my completed forms rested, joined by a set of fountain pens whose nibs had exquisite coverings, under my arm. In my hand I held a simplistically elegant black pen and cotton-based paper who sponsored intricately inked insignia as headers. These papers and pen served not only as vessels for noting observation of decoration: the served also as constant reminders of my position to clients who might otherwise have forgotten. I spared no expense when choosing these items, going so far as to design the pages' headers myself. An Italian Serafino scroll surrounded the impeccable spencerian script, saying, "Lord Robert Callobridge: Critic of Design". Its pulchritude defied all levels of the critical imagination. I say that I had designed the association of these items so that I may impress the severity of my station upon those enlisting the services of my candid tongue. I succeeded. And this is why I insisted on toting these extra-ordinarily expensive items in spite of the ruinous rain which threatened to fall again.

22-Aug-2010 21:04:32 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:13:51 by Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Commencing the voyage through the long walkway with these items in tow, I thus felt secure and appropriate in my expectations of the greeting which indubitably waited behind the front door: it seems, however, that I share the blissful idiocy of my driver, for I held dear to these expectations of etiquette yet after the drawling presentation of decoral obliviance at the gate and the great host of similar immodesties when in fact I should have expected something more along the lines of the actual welcome party. Instead of the landowner and estate manager to greet me and instead of the person responsible for the decorational choices -- instead of a welcome which would attempt to impress visitors and instead of an assemblage of relevant persons to my duty -- instead of all this, I should have expected a servant, face befouled by indescribable dirts, who addressed me by the wrong name and insisted on contacting her fetid and grimy hands with the whitest part of my sleeves. In fact, so failing was the propriety of the situation that the disgusting woman could not contain her presence until I'd entered the door. Much to the chagrin of every deity of decency, she chose instead to assert her existence via bursting through the door and screaming at the top of her voice in an accent of which even my driver would be jealous.
After five repetitions of an unintelligible substance, I was at last able to decipher what the deranged woman wished to convey. I shall save the reader from the save decoding I endured by incorporating some sort of intelligence in her quotes, but I do insist that you be aware that this gleam of intellect is wholly transplanted from my personal store. "O! Doctor, at last you've come. I was beginning to fear that Jacques -- well, nevermind. Doctor Gillemand, you must come with me at once. She's gotten worse these past few minutes. The other servants are beginning to feel it too! Please, Mr. Gillemand, hurry!"

22-Aug-2010 21:04:33 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:15:53 by Yrolg

Forums

¥ Lord Robert Callobridge ¥