RuneScape Forum Archive | ¥ Lord Robert Callobridge ¥

Yrolg

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Having now seen the effrontery with which I was greeted, I trust both that no analysis of my offense is necessary as well as that my response to the blatantly out-of-line and interpretably pejorative character was very much appropriate. As she tugged my arm with the filthy digits of the ham she was akin to call a hand, I did indeed respond thusly: "Woman, you shall collect yourself immediately. The deprecation of my character at the imbroglio your mistress endeavors to label a greeting has already surpassed what may be the expected threshold for the most tolerant of persons, and even yet you insist on further befouling the Champeaux du L'Morfique name through your obstinately improprietous actions. You shall immediately draw yourself from such vagabondery and submit to the decorum assigned to your station, lest you wish to join this vagarious notion with that of vagrancy and unemployment. This propylaeum is no place to demonstrate your obvious and acute lack of propaedeutics in servantry. Having sufficiently emaciated the dignity of all present parties and showing the mental vacuity of not hence realizing it, I propound that you cease this marasmus and crawl back into the socially ignorant home your employers -- the very people you so candidly represent -- shelve you in. You betray any semblance of magnanimity and I beseech you on behalf of the millions of people you now represent and so basely offend to immediately cease. I shall not propagate your actions further and vail to the house before me that its ability to ignore propriety fast exceeds my capacity to withstand such ignorance, especially when thusly assaulted. Relieve yourself at once, woman: I shall procure the optimistic good spirits to find Madame Champeaux with my own company. Good day."

22-Aug-2010 21:04:34 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:15:17 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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After having provided to the dull woman the sentiments here described, I commenced with searching, knowing too well from experience with my driver that she was too stupid to leave the dialogue at this. Indeed, not three steps after having peeled back her disgusting fingers from my wrist did she assault me again, furthering her own voyage into the manners of barbarism. Not one second after my left foot hit the wet stone for the second time did she wait, instead blurting forth, "But Doctor, you must come at once! She is ill and fast failing!"

22-Aug-2010 21:16:05 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:16:18 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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Still to the moment I write this memoir I cannot recall what supremely moronic spirit possessed me to respond, but, knowing why or not, I did, tersely detailing my continued disappointment. "Madame, perhaps you did not hear me or perhaps you are merely deaf to the suggestion of politesse. Regardless, I reiterate that I find your mere presence offensive. I am no doctor, but am fast under the impression that I shall soon need one, for it is indeed your actions which make me ill and my patience which is fast fading. Now begone, you intolerable pest. I have before me a task of more importance than the education in etiquette to an undeserving wretch." Having said this, I continued on my way, struggling to prove false the conclusion which I'd already reasoned unavoidable: that she, the brutish carcass of thoughtless flesh, and I, the proprieties dissector of tastes and sense, would be forced to carry on this dreary engagement until she managed to understand the seemingly inexplicable idea of respect. Failing at this, and noticing her baffled reception of my statement, I ushered forth all of my frustrations in an indescribably beautiful sigh. It was as if the heat of the exiting breath was supplied by the immense revulsion I felt and, in exiting, it stole the borrowed sustenance of my oncoming fury and released it into the world; and, when away from my body, as heat tends to do, these stolen sentiments rose, carrying with them my spirits. I can think of no other way to describe the benevolence this sigh had: it is the same task to describe the benefits of the breath as it is to teach respect to the witless woman whose chose this moment of exalting spirits to speak yet again.

22-Aug-2010 21:16:06 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:16:35 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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"Sir," vociferated she, running forth and again clamping her execrably hideous digits around my already soiled wrists,"Sir, if you're not Doctor Gillemand, then who are you and where is the Doctor? Why isn't Lenny back yet and what do I tell Ms. Champeaux? How do I help her?" she still continued, uttering forth a string of inquiries to which I had both no interest and no answer. Instead, I slowly drew forth my free hand and deposited with it the failing fountain pen and paper. It had become apparent that either the woman could not identify people of importance or that she actively would not, though why a person should choose such a social malady far surpasses any understanding I could hope to have with the poor deranged who share this woman's company. I could not justify any longer the risk associated with keeping such important and expensive tools in the presence of such a flagrantly uncontrolled specimen.

22-Aug-2010 21:16:09 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:16:51 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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It should appear, however, that Providence did not see me fit for even this small endeavor, for as I carefully stowed the fountain pen's gold and platinum point among its brethren, the beast let forth another growl, demanding in an unjustified fit of impatience a verbal response. This reaction to me signified that not only could the woman not read books and written English, but, also, and far more surprisingly, that she could not read people or actions either: just as the scrawling black lines of the text resembled snakes who threatened to bite should she endeavor to understand, so too did the emotions of my remarks and the complex labyrinths of my actions threaten to envelop and digest her lest they be ignored and forgotten. Thus it can be understood -- lest the reader be a person thusly afflicted -- that the remarks I made in response to her requisition of explanation were directed not at the woman whose stupidity precluded even the recognition of the ailment but at the deities responsible for her state and, perhaps worse, my prolonged exposure to it. "O! God, why do you torment me? Why must I be the party responsible for encountering the greatest failures of the human mind? Was not the inconceivably idiotic driver enough?Are not those responsible for his continued employment sufficient in exposing me to the limits of human stupidity? They must not be, for I am forced to maintain the presence not only of those parties but also of this beast in a woman's body. I beseech you to relieve me of this woman's presence post-haste! Undoubtedly my prolonged exposure to such basity is purely accidental. Merciful and pitying God: deliver me from her offense." I said these things and reasoned it an appropriate response to the inept woman's demands. I likewise reasoned that my own requests were not so grievous as to go unanswered. Again, I write of my failure.

22-Aug-2010 21:16:10 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:17:29 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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Not yet ten feet from the position at which she'd first accosted me, I was for the fourth time subjected to her indecency. "Sir, don't go on. An illness lingers in the air hungry for fresh victims." At this -- what can only be termed divine refutation of my pleas and ignorance of my predicament -- I resolved to help the poor woman until she left my person and dignity as the would be. Thus, with a breath that tucked all traces of my station and solemnity away, I responded, calmly turning from the set of stone steps at whose base I was stopped so that I may face the soiled being who thus addressed me. "

22-Aug-2010 21:16:12 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:17:47 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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"Madame, I see that I shall approach no notion of progress on the task which instigated my arrival today unless I cede the discussion to the whims of your improper topics. I therefore propound that we both endeavor to resolve this discussion as quickly and efficiently as your feeble mind may offer. Let us begin with the most recent topic: of what disease are you blabbering? Is it the same malady you maintain afflicts your mistress?" As I turned, I noticed yet more of just how miserable this thing was: what at first I had observed as a grime-covered face was in fact a detestably dirt-ridden body; the hands whose filth I had previously found offensive seemed nigh proper when compared to the immeasurable dirt, mud, and debris which covered the feet. This putrescence was so bad that it took a few seconds yet to distinguish that indeed the woman at least wore shoes: decayed leather thongs were plastered to her feet beneath copious amounts of mud. Above these atrociously useless articles was the frayed hem of a black skirt whose bottom bore more splotches of brown than the carriage behind me, even despite the severe distance of dirt paths on which it had travelled in the rain. These splotches outbeat my carriage, however, from the visibility of only two inches, for an apron befouled by disgusting amounts of discoloration broke my unfortunate view of it, replacing what might have been a mother working in the yard on a day unfortunately spoiled by rain with a mendicant of offensively low standards of appearance. The "blouse" the woman wore above this skirt and apron, and I do use the term "blouse" quite tentatively, was likewise attractive, its checkered pattern almost indistinguishable from the countless stains which abused its surface.

22-Aug-2010 21:16:13 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:18:32 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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Long trained in the art of taking comprehensive stock of such seemingly petty items, I was able to mentally catalog all of these details in less time than it took the now shaken being to respond with yet the most supremely beautiful answer I could have possibly imagined: a barely audible "yes" and a small nod of the head which sent her bangs descending to her face from the oily plaits dangling from the rear portions of her skull.
Interpreting this newfound propriety as a license to continue in the discussion without continuous insinuations of the indecency wrapped around the entire affair of my greeting, I commenced with further questioning on the topic of this mysterious disease. "If indeed there is an ailment afflicting these grounds, I must acquiesce to your goal of quarantine, then." I motioned with my hand that she should accompany me, and began retracing my steps along the cobble-stoned walkway, intending to reach my driver. Whilst en route to him, I could not deny myself the satisfaction of loquating further on the disease which, against all whims of my better sense, was fast harvesting my interest. Via my work as journalist, I had acquired a hobby of mysterious and inexplicable deaths, and I had developed a broad, though admittedly shallow, understanding of pathology, and I was, it seems, intrigued by the idea that this disease could be one of the multifarious afflictions with which I was already familiar. Knowing well, however, that the woman was far too simple to possess the acumen necessary for diagnosis, I was forced to begin my inquisition with a requisition of symptoms. "Those afflicted with this disease: how does it affect them?" I inquired, taking great care not to let her overzealous pace -- the manifestation of her acute discomfort in being present at the potentially contaminated property -- trip me.

22-Aug-2010 21:16:23 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:18:53 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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She took a while to answer, and I almost would have asked the question again, should she not have at last provided the explanation of the symptoms' complexity, uttering but three words that, all together, served no visible purpose but to further my already blossoming curiosity. "Well," she began, pausing for a slight second and allowing me to realize just how inappropriately grand my interest in the matter was becoming, "it's complicated."
After the woman had uttered these words, I could scarcely contain my exasperation: though I knew the source of my frustration quite well, the fact of its heritage only served to further aggravate my feelings. The frustration arose from my inability to quickly carry through a diagnosis of this singular illness and the impropriety of my mental and emotional involvement -- much less investment -- and this dawned on me with a thousand newtons of force, driving into my upper mind the hypocrisy in which I had entertained myself. Thus, on hearing these three words and noticing the carriage and driver in the distance, I drew the woman who would fain be running from the suspected estate to a complete halt, and I turned to face her with a renewed sense of agitation. "Do attempt, in your inevitably feeble way, to describe them as best you can," I stated to her in a voice and tone that would make the heartless egotists at the Tribune jealous.

22-Aug-2010 21:16:34 - Last edited on 22-Aug-2010 22:19:08 by Yrolg

Yrolg

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As I stared at her with my most vehement glare, I saw the woman shudder and turn away from the house, completely oblivious to the answers that my voice and body requested. Being thereby discomforted, she withdrew to the only natural response; the action that, but a few moments prior, I would have nigh celebrated; the first action of logical, predictable,and natural instigation, made rightly in the eyes of society. The woman turned around and proceeded to again depart, taking her exit first as a slow turn and step, but with visible intent to quicken successively. Aggravated at her failure to produce an answer to my question, and further perturbed by my sudden and inappropriate interest in receiving this answer -- only further exemplified by the ease of which I had even provided with this initial aggravation -- I grabbed her by the shoulder and with a force that some might describe as too much and others as merely corresponding to my conviction, turned her around, demanding in a voice as much offensive to my apathetic colleagues as the previous was flattering, "Listen Ms. -- woman," adding the last word when the limp package I gripped failed to provide a name, "You must inform me at once of the dangers which await me in this house lest you wish me to inform the local constabulary of your abettance in the death, illness, or discomfort of one of the most powerful persons in this region. Now provide for me your name and the symptoms which are afflicting Madame Champeaux."

22-Aug-2010 21:16:44 - Last edited on 25-Feb-2012 18:47:20 by Yrolg

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