So lost in his frustration at not being able to cook, was Brandr that he did not notice the other barbarian in the room, the warlord, until he looked around and saw him. He looked lost, unsure what to do. Insignificant, not sure where he fit into things. Perhaps he needed a friend. But not like this. Brandr knew that introducing himself nearly naked was in poor taste, so he headed to his room, which was the furthest door to the left on the bottom terrace. Closest to the mess hall.
[Redundant paragraph, this slows down the pacing because Brandr reacts to Eric then goes away to return later--for cleaner narration, mention multiple occurrences in a series per area for economic word use]
Brandr stepped into his room and tossed his longmace to the floor—
thud
. [two regular dashes are sometimes used for an em dash] He placed his ingredients on his bed, hung his helm upon a hook, slipped on fur clothes, and washed his face.
[First sentence tightened, second increased to avoid third sentence for overall increased word economy]
Brandr returned down below and greeted Eric.
[Since Eric is greeted, you don’t have to mention he’s still there as the reader can assume that as well as some time having passed]
“Good morning. You've been here for some time. You remind me of myself when I realized I was trapped in Sudovia—aimless, lost, maybe? . . . [insert whatever that needs to be said here rather than waiting for Eric to reply so that we can get going]
[Dialogue trimmed]
Simplified recap:
Prioritize interaction over description.
If descriptions can be converted into a character’s physicality or biomechanics, do so.
If you can’t, convert descriptions into dialogue or thoughts.
If dialogue and thoughts don’t work, rely on tight sentences and stick to economic narration to avoid redundancy and confusion.
Don't describe obvious or common occurrences--if you think readers can assume something in plain sight, they probably can.
16-Nov-2020 23:51:50
- Last edited on
16-Nov-2020 23:53:44
by
Azi Demonica
