forums.rs

Forums

Story and Roleplay Chat Thread Thread is sticky

Quick find code: 49-50-864-65646316

of 3517
Deltaslug

Deltaslug

Posts: 32,671 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Westenev said :
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I can't write poetry,
And now that your brain is skewered, neither can you!

You seek to skewer what is not there
And for you, tis not fair

But worry not my friend
For Azi can attend

Where your wit might lack
He could attack

But I worry not this rainy night
For this thread shines bright

And with wordsmiths many
We shall deny cookies to Annie

04-Oct-2017 03:26:15

Westenev

Westenev

Posts: 19,719 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
BONUS ROUND:

I have never seen the point of a poem,
For writing them always hurts my brainstem.

Rhyming the syllables at the end of a sentence,
Rarely gives any relevance.

A random haiku,
Should end this poem well,
Lol Washing machine.
Noth
ing
inte
rest
ing
happ
ens.

04-Oct-2017 03:52:55

Westenev

Westenev

Posts: 19,719 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hmm. There are few gramatical errors, but nothing unmanagable. Here's a few that I've spotted off the top of my head - if you'd prefer for me not to pick through your work, say the word and I won't nitpick any further.


Original message details are unavailable.
Annie's head was spinning
with all
the commotion of all the people talking at once trying to understand where they are. Then a big man yelled to be quiet that made her jump. She was amazed how quiet in the room so quick.


That's when
the the
young lady started talk. She told the group her name and other information about where they are and
kinda
told them why they are here.
She saw princess lifted her hand
. From her palm, she summoned forth a small ball of light. She was in shocked
and speechless
.
Finally the words came out of her mouth
and asked, "how did you do that? What do you mean we can do that too?"

The sentence Structure is off, consider revising how you word this sentence!



There’s double spacing in 2 places.



2x the



Kinda isn’t really a word. The acceptable version is “kind of”.



“She saw the princess lift her hand”. You have to keep everything in the same tense! Past or future, not both!



Where do words come from, if not the mouth? I think it would be more acceptable to write “Finally, she asked…” and continue from there. We all know she's speaking from her mouth!
Noth
ing
inte
rest
ing
happ
ens.

04-Oct-2017 04:16:27

Deltaslug

Deltaslug

Posts: 32,671 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Westenev said :
BONUS ROUND:

I have never seen the point of a poem,
For writing them always hurts my brainstem.

Rhyming the syllables at the end of a sentence,
Rarely gives any relevance.

A random haiku,
Should end this poem well,
Lol Washing machine.

It could be worse. We could be doing this via interpretive dance and pantomime.

04-Oct-2017 04:22:34

Azi Demonica

Azi Demonica

Posts: 5,600 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well, not my fault almost all anime characters look exactly the same… And what’s it with female anime characters having girls’ voices that are then high-pitched? If you naturally had a huge head, you would have a rather loud voice. But ya, it’s OK for anime lovers to love a specific cartoon of theirs, why not? If you love something, you love it, so love it for why it’s lovable.

Hey, it’s Captain Anderson! Too much happens for me to comment about.


NotFishing said :
Azi Demonica said :
Lazer Skunk and Gunslinger Z are not users I quite remember, unfortunately.

Probably because they are roleplayers, not storytellers. Oh, OK.

OK Darth, mini reviews of anime, not that I know anything about them.


Anyways, a slight emergency occurred; our back door broke, the inner framework collapsing in itself. Since it was already nighttime, it was too late to go to the store, so I had to unscrew the door, then boarded it up with plywood to fix, but then it didn’t fit in the door frame. So, I resorted to leaning the broken door against the outside of the door frame, and from inside the mobile home, I nailed a blanket to serve as a curtain-door from inside. Leaned a mattress against the inside of the door frame. Tomorrow, will try to either repair the door, or buy a new one. Either way, I’ll probably be busy all day tomorrow as well.

04-Oct-2017 05:07:56

Azi Demonica

Azi Demonica

Posts: 5,600 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
OK, my door issue is mostly resolved. The old door was beyond repair, so we just sealed the doorway with a big hunk of plywood. The measurements were wrong, as the door frame in the wall seems to be misaligned, so we resorted to additional cuts and hammering just to get the damn thing in. Tomorrow, I will hammer in smaller bits of wood to seal the slight holes, then seal the remaining areas with silicone. I am rather tired after a few hours of makeshift carpentry, but I will try to post in RP threads tonight after supper.

05-Oct-2017 01:40:03

Quick find code: 49-50-864-65646316 Back to Top