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Story and Roleplay Chat Thread
Quick find code: 49-50-864-65646316
Scuddlegirl
said
:
Pink 4 Twink said :
Scuddlegirl said :
There aren't a lotof threads either. I wish it was faster here! Maybe I'll make a thread too.
There's always Into the Void. my personal RP, if you are interested...
But the last two pages span six months! :/
My witch hunting thread is almost ready to be Posted!
So your free to join. Just need to correct my horrible punctuation and frequent double, triple, and quadruple spaces, then I'm good to go!
Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
Pink 4 Twink said :
Scuddlegirl said :
There aren't a lotof threads either. I wish it was faster here! Maybe I'll make a thread too.
There's always Into the Void. my personal RP, if you are interested...
But the last two pages span six months! :/
My witch hunting thread is almost ready to be Posted!
So your free to join. Just need to correct my horrible punctuation and frequent double, triple, and quadruple spaces, then I'm good to go!
Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
02-Jun-2017 00:25:39
Annie1227
said
:
Its ur post on itv uhi
Eeeeeeeeeeeeep! *hides* Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
Its ur post on itv uhi
Eeeeeeeeeeeeep! *hides* Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
02-Jun-2017 00:26:12
Annie said in a whisper," I will be quiet because I
dont
want to get
recapture
and
put in
a cell. You have no idea what they did to me when I was in that cell."
She looked around the corner aimed her sniper gun at the two Flugians and shot them both in the head that killed them.
Her body was shaking with fear but she knew what to do. Then she ran to the mines and deactivated them. Then took them with the other mines was in their
procession.
Okay, Annie, *puts on army hat* Time for a lesson in grammar.! *-*
First off, "dont" is not a word. Okay, well technically it is, you just need an apostrophe between the "N" and the "T". Other contractions? "Won't," (For "will not"
Can't (For can not.) Didn't (For did not)
Keep in mind that you are talking in the past tense, in this instance, "recapture" is creating tense confusion. Try "Recaptured", as that fulfills the requirements for a past tense sentence.
The next thing on the list is more of a suggestion. You don't want to be put BACK in a cell, try adding that!
The whole next sentence is completely fucked, however. You wrote:
"She looked around the corner aimed her sniper gun at the two Flugians and shot them both in the head that killed them."
First off, you have created a list of conjoined movements, without separating the different parts with commas, you should also end the sentence after "head", or conjoin the resulting fragment from the period with a semicolon.
An example: "She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head; that killed them"
Or:
She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head. That killed them.
A good rule of thumb is to insert a comma wherever you find a natural pause in the sentence
The words "Deactivated," and "reactivated" could also be separated with hyphens and made "De-activated" and "Re-activated. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
Okay, Annie, *puts on army hat* Time for a lesson in grammar.! *-*
First off, "dont" is not a word. Okay, well technically it is, you just need an apostrophe between the "N" and the "T". Other contractions? "Won't," (For "will not"
Can't (For can not.) Didn't (For did not)
Keep in mind that you are talking in the past tense, in this instance, "recapture" is creating tense confusion. Try "Recaptured", as that fulfills the requirements for a past tense sentence.
The next thing on the list is more of a suggestion. You don't want to be put BACK in a cell, try adding that!
The whole next sentence is completely fucked, however. You wrote:
"She looked around the corner aimed her sniper gun at the two Flugians and shot them both in the head that killed them."
First off, you have created a list of conjoined movements, without separating the different parts with commas, you should also end the sentence after "head", or conjoin the resulting fragment from the period with a semicolon.
An example: "She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head; that killed them"
Or:
She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head. That killed them.
A good rule of thumb is to insert a comma wherever you find a natural pause in the sentence
The words "Deactivated," and "reactivated" could also be separated with hyphens and made "De-activated" and "Re-activated. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
02-Jun-2017 01:40:55
Annie said in a whisper," I will be quiet because I
dont
want to get
recapture
and
put in
a cell. You have no idea what they did to me when I was in that cell."
She looked around the corner aimed her sniper gun at the two Flugians and shot them both in the head that killed them.
Her body was shaking with
fear but
she knew what to do. Then she ran to the mines and deactivated them. Then took them with the other mines was in their
procession.
Okay, Annie, *puts on army hat* Time for a lesson in grammar.! *-*
First off, "dont" is not a word. Okay, well technically it is, you just need an apostrophe between the "N" and the "T". Other contractions? "Won't," (For "will not"
Can't (For can not.) Didn't (For did not)
Keep in mind that you are talking in the past tense, in this instance, "recapture" is creating tense confusion. Try "Recaptured", as that fulfills the requirements for a past tense sentence.
The next thing on the list is more of a suggestion. You don't want to be put BACK in a cell, try adding that!
The whole next sentence is completely fucked, however. You wrote:
"She looked around the corner aimed her sniper gun at the two Flugians and shot them both in the head that killed them."
First off, you have created a list of conjoined movements, without separating the different parts with commas, you should also end the sentence after "head", or conjoin the resulting fragment from the period with a semicolon.
An example: "She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head; that killed them"
Or:
She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head. That killed them.
A good rule of thumb is to insert a comma wherever you find a natural pause in the sentence
The words "Deactivated," and "reactivated" could also be separated with hyphens and made "De-activated" and "Re-activated. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
Okay, Annie, *puts on army hat* Time for a lesson in grammar.! *-*
First off, "dont" is not a word. Okay, well technically it is, you just need an apostrophe between the "N" and the "T". Other contractions? "Won't," (For "will not"
Can't (For can not.) Didn't (For did not)
Keep in mind that you are talking in the past tense, in this instance, "recapture" is creating tense confusion. Try "Recaptured", as that fulfills the requirements for a past tense sentence.
The next thing on the list is more of a suggestion. You don't want to be put BACK in a cell, try adding that!
The whole next sentence is completely fucked, however. You wrote:
"She looked around the corner aimed her sniper gun at the two Flugians and shot them both in the head that killed them."
First off, you have created a list of conjoined movements, without separating the different parts with commas, you should also end the sentence after "head", or conjoin the resulting fragment from the period with a semicolon.
An example: "She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head; that killed them"
Or:
She looked around the corner, aimed her sniper rifle at the two Flugians, and shot them in the head. That killed them.
A good rule of thumb is to insert a comma wherever you find a natural pause in the sentence
The words "Deactivated," and "reactivated" could also be separated with hyphens and made "De-activated" and "Re-activated. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!
02-Jun-2017 01:42:15
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