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Sweet, Sweet Revenge
Quick find code: 49-50-84-61166248
I liked this story, but there were a few grammar mistakes that drew me away from the reading.
Remember to always proof-read!
I kind of expected the ending when you droned on and on about how Varrock was so safe. . . I mean, I think you went a little overboard on that and made the ending unsurprising.
You used dumb/stupid and little way too many times when explaining the goblin scene. Use a thesaurus, it really helps!
Anyways, I think the story needs work from what I've already read. You said it was finished, so I expect to see more, but try to raise the quality in the first several posts. The first impression is the spark that's supposed to draw people in.
Remember to always proof-read!
I kind of expected the ending when you droned on and on about how Varrock was so safe. . . I mean, I think you went a little overboard on that and made the ending unsurprising.
You used dumb/stupid and little way too many times when explaining the goblin scene. Use a thesaurus, it really helps!
Anyways, I think the story needs work from what I've already read. You said it was finished, so I expect to see more, but try to raise the quality in the first several posts. The first impression is the spark that's supposed to draw people in.
07-Jul-2010 00:24:38 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2010 00:26:46 by Areno3
Bump.
09-Jul-2010 03:13:07
Zircon, don't give away much, or any, now, haha, there may be some new people... and unless names changed, i think there are.
I will say, however, that I can't wait until she brings back my favorite character
oh and heres a free bump!
I will say, however, that I can't wait until she brings back my favorite character
oh and heres a free bump!
11-Jul-2010 08:10:38
I am one of the new people. I was simply giving her criticism and my opinion.
11-Jul-2010 19:57:27
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Like I said to Labyrinth, Read my other story: Infamous. It's much, MUCH better than this one. I'm currently writing that one for fun.
I'm only reposting this one to make people like Spawn happy.
I was 12 or 13 when I wrote this, be nice.
As far as adding more goes, I might be able to accomplish this, but I leave for three weeks on Friday, so I don't know how much I'll manage.
~Reegena
~Infamous
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Like I said to Labyrinth, Read my other story: Infamous. It's much, MUCH better than this one. I'm currently writing that one for fun.
I'm only reposting this one to make people like Spawn happy.
I was 12 or 13 when I wrote this, be nice.
As far as adding more goes, I might be able to accomplish this, but I leave for three weeks on Friday, so I don't know how much I'll manage.
~Reegena
~Infamous
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12-Jul-2010 01:09:46 - Last edited on 12-Jul-2010 01:10:45 by [#BPN2TQMFI]
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