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Sweet, Sweet Revenge

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[#BPN2TQMFI]

[#BPN2TQMFI]

Posts: 2,868 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Then the room started spinning, and I felt sick to my stomach. Mom, where’s Mom? My legs felt full of lead, and my heart was beating a thousand times a second. What should I do? What should I do? What did they do to my mom? I don’t know what to do… I reached up to wipe the sweat from my forehead, but instead I just collapsed into a heap on the floor.
Everything went black.

20-Jun-2010 22:58:40

LovelyMelons

LovelyMelons

Posts: 1,086 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Top-hole story, you're a dem fine writer, I'll give you that. I wouldn't necessarily put this down as one of my favorite stories, but it was definately one worth reading. I love how you actually show us the feelings and desires of the character, unlike most stories with bland, unimaginative characters.
Your descriptions do however lack that vivid, entrancing imagery that I look for in writing. You could of described the appearance of the dagger, and maybe perhaps describe the crime scene a little bit more. You did a relatively nice job with everything else, though.
You are a rather talented writer, and I hate for you to waste it on such a meager forum-community such as this, where people can plagiarize your works and gain profit for it. I strongly suggest you take your magnificent writing talent elsewhere, where you can perhaps make some good money with it.
-Sincerely,
Labryinth

21-Jun-2010 03:18:09

[#BPN2TQMFI]

[#BPN2TQMFI]

Posts: 2,868 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
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Jeez, that's not what I was expecting for a first reader-post. O_o Anyway, I know it's not the best story on the forums, for it isn't even my best work. (I suggest you read my other story, Infamous. It's in my profile.)
This one isn't done yet, either. Well, it *is* done, this just isn't the whole thing. I suggest you come back tomorrow for more. I'm rewriting it, and limiting myself to a chapter a day.
Thank you, though. :)
~Reegena
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21-Jun-2010 03:37:46

[#KH18V9PAY]

[#KH18V9PAY]

Posts: 1,073 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Haha great first comment!
I hate huge descriptive sections, so I thought that was good! (ever read Lord of the Flies? That book would have been awesome if it wasn't for all the description)
It all depends on who you ask because everything is subjective. Either way, can't wait! Glad to see its back!!!!! ...Ok that was WAAAAY too many exclamation points but oh well.. Oh and what the heck, its on page four... so here's a bump free of charge!

21-Jun-2010 16:04:21

Straitz0

Straitz0

Posts: 5,002 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hat is this thing you call a 'Bump'?
Is it some kind of inter-Dimensional code? Or perhaps some sort of communication that two species have made?......I must devote my studeis and see if I can master the art of this 'Bumping'

22-Jun-2010 05:53:42

[#KH18V9PAY]

[#KH18V9PAY]

Posts: 1,073 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
No I realized I wasn't the first comment, I said great first comment because your comment was negative criticism, haha I've really gotta work on making myself clearer, people don't understand what I mean sometimes haha
Edit: I'm testing out exactly how far i can take wifi with my dsi... apparently i can post to Runescape from it, but its REALLY annoying... Still cool though

24-Jun-2010 16:23:57 - Last edited on 25-Jun-2010 04:50:23 by [#KH18V9PAY]

[#KH18V9PAY]

[#KH18V9PAY]

Posts: 1,073 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Bump from 14!
I'd ask for more, but I already know how it ends, haha, and frankly I'm just glad its online at all!
And to all who this may mean something to: Happy Fourth of July! (I know, this says I'm late, but it's 10 to midnight here so.. :P )

05-Jul-2010 06:52:49

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