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FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Are you sitting comfortably? Well then, I’ll begin ….

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far, away there was a planet called Gielinor.
This was inhabited mainly by peaceful and humble peasants and their Overlords, the Jagexy. The Jagexy are a golden, glowing sort of deity who mostly spend their time in their Temple of Cambridge engaged in arcane practices– only venturing forth now and then on Very Important Business.

The Jagexy had always been a benevolent and somewhat distant presence, although they did look upon the multitude of shambling serfs with a degree of kindness and bestowed small gifts and amusements for their delight from time to time. Most of the serfs offered tithes for this although the poorer ones nibbled around the periphery.

Into this world was born an entirely insignificant creature. She’s known as FiFi La Frou now, but back then she had another name. That cannot be mentioned due to a most … unfortunate … incident involving a spectacular fall from grace. So we’ll call her Teety-woo, a forest creep. And why not? She is after all distantly related to the real Teety-woo who was named by Snufkin the Mymble, no less.

So Teety-woo was shambling along one day in the forest, scratching around for valuables mayhap discarded by wealthy traders or proud warriors (oh yes, there were a few, not all the people of Gielinor were maggots) when a richly-dressed denizen strolled past casting imperious glances right and left.

Teety-woo glanced up, ready as ever to tug her forelock, and stopped frozen to the spot in awe and admiration. Upon the dandy’s head sat the most magnificent titfer she’d ever seen sported by the upper crusts.

“Uh, wut dat?” she grunted in her best Gielinorian.
“That” said the sneering dandy “Is a Robin. Everyone knows that except of course for you, you utter howling noob”. And with that, he minced disdainfully towards the nearest Bank.

...
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

05-Aug-2016 17:02:05

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Right there and then Teety-woo had an epiphany. She’d have preferred a bacon sandwich but didn’t have a high enough Cooking level. That hat, that glorious pointy green creation with it’s magnificent curling feather, had convinced her that life could never be the same again. She had to have one. Had to.

No more stalking men in armour to pick up their droppings. No more loitering in smelly derelict shacks waiting for boots to spawn. Oh no. That hat cost serious money and she’d find a way. And so began Teety-woo’s murderous rampage in search of geepees. A thousand Goblins died to her trusty bronze sword, ten thousand chickens fell before the onslaught of her Air spells.

Eventually, after what seemed a lifetime of blood-soaked slaughter, without rest for food or sleep or family, she regarded her coin stack and knew a Robin could be hers. The day she donned it was the happiest day of her snuffly little forest creep life.

Ever ready to show off her Precioussss, she decided it was time to enter the Forums. Other people would see her gobsmacking gorgeousness and feel humble and raggedy next to the radiance of her Robin. And so it was. For quite a long time, until the time of ‘the incident’.

Teety-woo was sad when she couldn’t show off her hat on the forums any more, or speak to the people she’d met there. So she devised a cunning plan and changed her name to FiFi, and started all over again. Such was the depth of her mourning that, upon her return, she only ever wore black. Black face, black hair, black humour.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

05-Aug-2016 17:02:32

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
But time heals all things, as they say, and FiFi felt ready to once more sport her Precioussss and pick up the pieces of her broken life. All was well, for a while. Such was her happiness at the glowing green gorgeousness she entirely failed to notice – until pointed out to her by anther Forumer – that her beloved Robin was not the hat it once was. Indeed, it was a mere travesty of a Robin.

Gone, the ornate decadence of the feather – replaced on the wrong side of the hat by … what is it? A stick? A muddy smear? Someone, somewhere, had defiled her Precioussss and turned it into a scruffy green blob with neither elegance nor style. Sacrilege !!

FiFi wailed, gnashed her teeth, tore her hair, prayed to Guthix – even started a thread seeking the righting of this most atrocious wrong. But to no avail. No word from The Jagexy as to why they had permitted this defilement, or why it was necessary. FiFi was at the point of ragequitting when out of the blue came a Hero.

Well, maybe not so much a Hero, more like a murderous Dictator with the temperament of a Tasmanian Devil and the cunning of Lucifer, but never mind because he too was outraged and vowed to take up the cudgels on her behalf.

It just so happened that this Hero had a number of friends, or at least people who were a bit scared he might burn them at the stake if they didn’t do what he wanted, and after some deliberation it was decided.

THE JAGEXY MONSTERS MUST PAY FOR THIS OUTRAGE AND RESTORE THE RIGHTFUL ROBIN.

And thus, dear Reader, begins the Chronicles of The War of the Feather ……


!!!6!!!
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

05-Aug-2016 17:03:09 - Last edited on 05-Aug-2016 17:04:04 by FiFi LaFeles

Corugi

Corugi

Posts: 19,109 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
At dawn on the 6th of August, 2016, the opening offensive against those...those...THOSE JAGEXY MONTERS began.

Using their secret WEAPONS of DANK MEMERY, the allied forces of clan GRIEF delivered this message to Jagex.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

05-Aug-2016 20:57:41

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
That's a pretty full-on encounter there. My money's on the brown one winning.

Inspiration for some low-key but highly effective insurrection came from a post I just read. A post that I posted myself, strangely enough. So I'm not plagiarising at all. Oh no.

Several groups of inconspicuously clad rabble rousers have been deployed at strategic points awaiting sighting of JMods.

They will then surround the enemy chanting jingoistic slogans, blowing raspberries and waggling their bottoms in a derisory manner before quickly dispersing into the anonymous safety of the gathering and curious crowds.

Thus will the cause of The Feather be announced and random Jagexy Monsters be laughed at in an uproarious manner, as they stand in confusion and alarm.
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

07-Aug-2016 11:40:55

FiFi LaFeles

FiFi LaFeles

Posts: 24,106 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I sit here on the eve of the attack, nerves a-jangle, strung like piano wire. I've chosen a Sunday because many of the Jagexy Monsters are absent from their Temple of Cambridge Swamp on that day (doing who knows what? probably wreaking monster-ish havoc in the unsuspecting taverns frequented by the plebians).

So, I have a better chance of smashing through their defences and delivering my Letter of Protest. I think I should be able to overpower the geriatric security guard whilst he dozes in his booth listing to Sunday Morning Love Songs on BBC Wireless 2 .... then I've only got
The Cleaning Lady to deal with.

I'm a bit worried about her I must confess, dear Reader. Swamp Lore has it she is a formidable harridan capable of delivering a crushing blow with a bucket. And we all know how fearsome buckets can be, hmm?

So. I gird up my loins and make ready. Wish me luck, friends .......
Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

20-Aug-2016 18:44:42

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