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Tread carefully Fifi!

Its not just the buckets you have to watch out for.

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

20-Aug-2016 23:43:49

It was a rout.

Sydney the Security Guard was dozing at his desk with a half-eaten boiled egg sandwich and a dog-eared copy of Razzle in front of him so I and my attendants slipped past unnoticed.

Picking the lock to the main door was easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy (99 Thieving ftw). A quick squirt of aerosol paint on the CCTV cameras (Sherwood Green, of course) and a ninja-like slither across the foyer brought my destination to within a cat's whisker.

And then it happened. The Cleaning Lady appeared. Even worse, she was knocking off early because she'd got herself all done up to go for a night out on the town. My precise timing was shattered, as were my nerves.




Fairly obviously, I ran away

Oh well, back to the drawing board.

Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

22-Aug-2016 02:39:24

I've decided to outwit the scourge that is The Cleaning Lady by appealing to her better nature.

First, this guy goes slowly and sadly up to the foyer door, head hanging, tail drooping, looking like he needs comforting. Who can resist? Not even that old baggage, surely?





Little does she know that he can transmogrify into his alter-ego, super-power assault hound:



Once inside, my full plan can commence.

Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

31-Aug-2016 17:22:03

02-Sep-2016 03:21:09

Thank you

It was all going so well.
The Cleaning Lady really is the epitome of evil but she does have a soft spot for animals. She was fooled, totally suckered in fact.

Looking at Sniffalot's sad face she didn't hesitate to bring him into the building, disabling the anti-personnel mines, curare-tipped blow pipes and automatic grenade launchers.

She'd even switched off the last line defence system; Justin Bieber's Greatest Hits playing on a loop at 145 decibels.

And then her cat, Azazel, got out of his basket.





Sniffalot will be in therapy for quite some time.

Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

05-Sep-2016 06:58:08

To make matters worse, Sydney the Security Guard was roused from his torpor by the appalling screeching and furore so we had to beat a hasty retreat.

Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

05-Sep-2016 13:57:59

Not surprisingly, the image of an aroused Sydney was just so awful that Imgur took it down.
It has taken my eyes several days to recover and, as a tribute to his bravery under fire, I have elevated my trusty hound to the rank of "Sir".

All bow the knee to Sir Sniffalot.

Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

18-Sep-2016 11:47:42

So, here we have it. Twice thwarted I needs must resort to even more desperate means. My spies worked tirelessly for The Cause. Sadly, many were captured, roasted and eaten whole by the Jagexy Monsters and shown on Twitter under the guise of 'burgers' or 'fried chicken' ... oh yes, we know your heartless mockery of those brave souls and those responsible will doubtless suffer with scrofula throughout all eternity.

Word reached me of a massive decamp of the Jagexies; departing CambridgeSwamp HQ to attend a clandestine gathering wherein their acolytes were to make votive offerings and undertake strange rituals with balloons.

A perfect opportunity for infiltration - we only had to overcome Sydney, The Cleaning Lady and the monstrous Hamster that powers the servers.

We prepared well - me, Sir Sniffalot and Attila the Hunhamster.

Le Chat Guerrier

Bwian's Towel & Grief Shop

18-Sep-2016 12:11:33

Hi Teety-woo,

great story! Nice to meet you and I noticed you were stalking me too!

I was born on this planet, Gielinor, over a decade ago. Quite old for a human on this planet, I know.
I GRIEF the death of Guthix and his Edicts. His love, care and tender protection of all beings.

My name used to be different and I used to have a human face.
Unlucky me got cursed by a spell due to Guthix death.

I used to have gold locked hairs. I was the most beautiful woman of Ardougne, with a Lunar Farming Hat, back then it used to be cool and in, and a handbang from another quest.

They nicknamed me after my new 'head'. Soon I am not allowed to show my true face, my pumkin head, any longer.

Thanks for making my evening nicer and let's go train herblaw together.

`·¸ˆ`·,¸ˆ`·,¸ˆ`·,¸ˆ`·,¸`·¸ˆ`·,¸ˆ`·,¸ˆ`·,¸ˆ`·,¸
2018 FIFA World Cup Russia™
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23-Sep-2016 22:53:21

I fear we may have to resort to more conventional methods to fight those Jagexy Jabberwockies!

I failed to keep my New Year's resolution before I even made it.

28-Sep-2016 21:34:20