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~*Illuminating Shadows*~

Quick find code: 49-50-789-56036848

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[#JW5UZEVGH]

[#JW5UZEVGH]

Posts: 1,675 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nice add.

~*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*~
--NOT the proud owner of the attack cape--
--NOT the proud owner of the defense cape--
--NOT the proud owner of the strength cape--
--NOT the proud owner of the quest cape--
--I AM the proud owner of the nothing cape!--
~*^*^*^*~A LOYAL BUMPER, IF NOTHING ELSE~*^*^*^*^*~

signature your as this use backwards this read to enough smart were you if
Slave-driver with a smile! :P
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.
Long siggy this is. Yoda I am.

17-Mar-2009 15:01:58

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I guess the best way for me to describe my ranking of this is that it didn't score any higher because it felt kinda, stiff, almost forced. I felt that you were telling too much about the characters rather than letting them play out their personalities. It was never to the point of redundancy, but I thought that you might be able to do better.
Also, I feel like I've seen something like this before in the movie Gladiator. Now, it doesn't seem like you're very far along in the plot, so I can't make an accurate judgment. But from what I've seen, it would be incredibly easy for you to wander into deep cliche.
The writing itself was good, with no grammatical errors to speak of (maybe a typo or two) and no real stylistic problems. It was also engaging, and I did enjoy reading, so it gets the thirteenth spot. Hopefully, you're not superstitious.

22-Mar-2009 02:16:47

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