Hey, Sira. Interesting story so far, I'm quite enjoying it. I like the whole idea of taking a thief and putting him in the protagonist's spot instead of the antagonist, and how you're building him to earn sympathy from the reader.
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I have some constructive criticism. I notice that you have some issues with punctuation and quotation marks, as I've seen a few sentences without punctuation in them at all. Also, I notice a few times that you change tenses within sentences, which interrupts the flow. You mainly do it at the start of chapters, if that's any help.
Anyway, that's the grammar stuff.
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Ah... thanks for letting me know. I always think there's something missing, but I sometimes miss it. :\
Your dialogue is pretty good, but there was one instance that I didn't really get. It's when Ryan tells Oliver that Jack thinks he's not a good thief anymore, and Jack overhears and says he was talking behind his back. I don't really think that's talking behind backs, it's just saying what Jack had said to him.
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It's been a while, but I think I was trying to have him say it in a "He's crazy to say or even think that" kind of way...
The geography of the continent is a little confusing. You describe each region well, but I'm having a bit of a hard time piecing it all together, and making a mental map. I know it's kind of hard, because we don't really have much in the way of cartography on here, but maybe you could just describe how the whole continent looks, and where the kingdoms are.
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I've tried explaining it the best I can... but you are right, it's hard. I've got a map of it created for myself... but that's probably not of much use to you.
Anyway, this is quite good, and I am enjoying it. I'll be looking forward to more.
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Thanks!
I hate the Reaper guy. Make him die. XD
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Ah, but where would be the fun in that?
Join
The Questing Clan of RuneScape!
!
---
I have some constructive criticism. I notice that you have some issues with punctuation and quotation marks, as I've seen a few sentences without punctuation in them at all. Also, I notice a few times that you change tenses within sentences, which interrupts the flow. You mainly do it at the start of chapters, if that's any help.
Anyway, that's the grammar stuff.
---
Ah... thanks for letting me know. I always think there's something missing, but I sometimes miss it. :\
Your dialogue is pretty good, but there was one instance that I didn't really get. It's when Ryan tells Oliver that Jack thinks he's not a good thief anymore, and Jack overhears and says he was talking behind his back. I don't really think that's talking behind backs, it's just saying what Jack had said to him.
---
It's been a while, but I think I was trying to have him say it in a "He's crazy to say or even think that" kind of way...
The geography of the continent is a little confusing. You describe each region well, but I'm having a bit of a hard time piecing it all together, and making a mental map. I know it's kind of hard, because we don't really have much in the way of cartography on here, but maybe you could just describe how the whole continent looks, and where the kingdoms are.
---
I've tried explaining it the best I can... but you are right, it's hard. I've got a map of it created for myself... but that's probably not of much use to you.
Anyway, this is quite good, and I am enjoying it. I'll be looking forward to more.
---
Thanks!
I hate the Reaper guy. Make him die. XD
---
Ah, but where would be the fun in that?
Join
The Questing Clan of RuneScape!
!
12-Apr-2010 01:56:58
