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† Koshei the Deathless †
Quick find code: 49-50-741-60535019
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Sounds really interesting so far, and I know what it's like to not get comments!
My stories have been up for a week now, and only two comments. It's QFC: 49-50-142-60610267, if you've got time to take a look at it.
"By now, the fishermen were little more than wet, shivering messes draped in bearskin coats."
It's fine, but I think it would make more sense as:
"By now the fishermen were little more than wet, shivering messes draped in bearskin coats." (without the first comma)
I got the message in the end, but I had to read it over a couple of times.
And and I laughed at "humongous steak of lightning" Mmm... Steak...
And "Pulled up the nets! We have to anchor her down now!" Should it be "pull"?
"clung to his cheek and jawbones" Cheeks and jawbone? You have two cheeks but only one jawbone
Don't take it the wrong way, I'm just very pedantic. I really did enjoy reading it.
My stories have been up for a week now, and only two comments. It's QFC: 49-50-142-60610267, if you've got time to take a look at it.
"By now, the fishermen were little more than wet, shivering messes draped in bearskin coats."
It's fine, but I think it would make more sense as:
"By now the fishermen were little more than wet, shivering messes draped in bearskin coats." (without the first comma)
I got the message in the end, but I had to read it over a couple of times.
And and I laughed at "humongous steak of lightning" Mmm... Steak...
And "Pulled up the nets! We have to anchor her down now!" Should it be "pull"?
"clung to his cheek and jawbones" Cheeks and jawbone? You have two cheeks but only one jawbone
Don't take it the wrong way, I'm just very pedantic. I really did enjoy reading it.
21-Mar-2010 06:53:40
Thanks for pointing those mistakes out. I will get right on fixing that.
Steak of Lightning... Excuse me, but I think I have to go make a quick little trip to the patent office
Steak of Lightning... Excuse me, but I think I have to go make a quick little trip to the patent office
21-Mar-2010 17:28:11
Great story
you should enter it in my contest if you'd want to
you should enter it in my contest if you'd want to
21-Mar-2010 23:27:19
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