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linDain

linDain

Posts: 2,142 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I actually found it pretty good. I haven't read it all, only the first few pages.
I like the way it's written and the variation in vocabulary and the way the sentences are arranged to make it easier to read - although, that probably wasn't intentional. I do have a complaint though and that's the overuse of commas: sometimes, it feels more jagged than smooth and it becomes difficult to read while simultaneously trying to imagine the scene. That may be only a personal complaint which others make not concur, but that's my opinion.
If you'd be so kind, give mine a look over. It's not great - I think it's good, but nowhere close to other stuff I've written. Really it's only an exercise, so your feedback would be greatly appreciated: 49-50-474-59093758

05-Jul-2009 12:55:12

[#JHPXF2H51]

[#JHPXF2H51]

Posts: 4,875 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I have just finished reading this story and I believe it is extremely good.
I am not going to comment on grammar etc., the reason being that I have just joined these story forums.
However, it is suggested that the man in the green robes, when Adam is in Limbo, is Guthix, and, if he is, couldn´t he just stop Zamorak interfering with Gielinor anyway?
I could be wrong and it might not be Guthix, but even if it isn´t, wouldn´t Guthix still stop it?
Still, it is an overall brilliant story, but I´d appreciate it if you answered my queries above, thanks.
:D .

06-Jul-2009 16:47:18

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