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Varrock:The Red-Gold Concordat

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Pupppy II

Pupppy II

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My Foot Notes (this is not part of the book, this is from myself)

So as I had said before, I tried to keep the story plausible with the game's lore, so here I try to explain myself in some of the dates, names, facts, etc

If you think there's a fact wrong, misspell, lore conflict or got a better suggestion, please do say so!

chap0:
- I know Equal Rights Letter doesn't exist on the game, but there's nothing that prevents it to be added as new stuff! (yes it is kinda inspired on that England's Bill of Rights :P )

chap1:
- Tarrlo Remanis from list of Elders from Defender of Varrock quest; Remanis is the last name of current king Roald
- in DoV Dimintheis Fitzharmon is reviewed descendant of the young man who got the Shield that Arrav threw into the city, and when he touched it those thunder powers killed all the zombies legions of Zemouregal. (I made up the name Dimitrius of the book, couldn't find the real name)
- Saranthum is the saradominst city which was rebuilt on the place of the destroyed zarosian capital Senntisten. I am assuming they had noble titles there as well

23-Feb-2013 20:03:07 - Last edited on 23-Feb-2013 23:38:12 by Pupppy II

Pupppy II

Pupppy II

Posts: 6,995 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
chap2:
- the Seven Priestly Warriors are said to have fought in year 1200, so I supposing the war started 30 years back (4 of 5 princes of mishtalin had died on the war, supposedly the priests weren't there to help them)
- the name of the king at the war was never mentioned, so I made up the name Hesell
- Lord Drakan was indeed a trusted general of Zamorak, who conquered Morytania lands from the saradominist icyenes (myreque quests source)
- I am guessing Victor Drakan reached his manor at this time, and that the location is named after its originally human count
- we have info that modern Asgarnia was born with the leadership of king Raddallin, but that doesn't mean it couldn't have existed before; so assume Rongollin was the first to unite the asgarnians into one nation. [a civil war for their first fall is a theme I'd maybe want to try another time hehe]
- supposing Adathorn the first of the kings of the region of Falador, at the god wars, when Saradomin himself appeared to the humans to recruit them to his army, as told in the already known myth
- an old sacred temple is first mentioned at Legend of Arrav tale, by east of Avarrocka, what I think is that a temple of the ruined Saranthum, and that it still held some powerful artifact of their god, powerful enough for the priests to be able to greatly hurt the vampyres, and then bless the river so the monsters can't pass its powers

23-Feb-2013 20:03:13 - Last edited on 25-Aug-2013 13:59:22 by Pupppy II

Pupppy II

Pupppy II

Posts: 6,995 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
chap3:
-Reldo did not mention those old towns of end of chapter 1 because they were long ago destroyed by the war against morytania, he never discovered their names
- giving a reason to the big wealth difference between the north and south of Varrock

chap4:
- king Terrus is made up
- the dead Wastelands is the known Wilderness
- considering the kings of Falador accepted all white, void and black knights (info from void knight series), it's acceptable to say they made no distinction among their subjects

chap5:
- Idalgo and Joan are made up characters

chap6:
- I know the ending is not very good, suggestions to make it better are welcome :)



Dunno if I can keep this thread very active and read all the comments, but I'll try

23-Feb-2013 20:03:19 - Last edited on 25-Feb-2013 20:57:39 by Pupppy II

Dredigan

Dredigan

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Hey I started reading this, I'll finish tomorrow because it's 1:40am here but it seems pretty cool so far. You may want to revise chapter two a little bit, I noticed you said "Murder them all and horribly drink their bloods" I think that proofreading that sentence should show you that it could be re-worded. There were a couple more I saw but nothing major, I'll finish tomorrow and do a better review if you wish.

24-Feb-2013 06:42:06

Dredigan

Dredigan

Posts: 1,549 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So I just finished reading the story and as I said last night it's pretty interesting. One of the reasons I like large, open games like RuneScape or Skyrim is to learn the lore and history, so seeing something like this on the stories forum makes me happy. I know that the lore is lore created by you but it does seem plausible to see it in game, I could believe it if somebody gave me this and said here's the history of runescape, copied off the site. The only issues are spelling and flow issues.

At some points it felt as though the story was broken up because without even ending a sentence you would go from talking about the king of varrock to two lords in a different kingdom helping eachother out. It may be more pleasing to the reader to see a paragraph dedicated to one idea and another for the next idea.

Chapter 2 was the worst about this and errors in general, but it's not like it's irreparable, every author has to proofread because when we write we all get drafts that look like chapter 2, that's why we go back and fix them. All in all you did a good job, I don't give number ratings out and you didn't actually ask for a review I just thought I'd tell you what I thought anyway so I won't give you any rating.

24-Feb-2013 21:35:11

Pupppy II

Pupppy II

Posts: 6,995 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks for the comment Knark :)

about:
'sentence you would go from talking about the king of varrock to two lords in a different kingdom helping eachother out. It may be more pleasing to the reader to see a paragraph dedicated to one idea and another for the next idea.'

is this about this paragraph?
"Truth points to the fact that Eltharin’s had the help of a neighbor misthalin duke to succeed his battles against the goblins at his lands, so now he was returning the favor to his allies. It is still impressive, though, how such a new kingdom managed to gather an army of 1000 men to march in the aid of Varrock"

if so, from the anterior paragraph:
"far at west, a new kingdom had just arisen; from the ashes of Adathorn’s reign his heir Eltharin had appeared to claim his right to rule the reborn kingdom of Asgarnia.", here both kings are asgarnian:
Adathorn would be one of third age, who led humans to fight in Saradomin's name;
Eltharin would be a heir of Adathorn's lineage who claimed back his ownership of the lands. So he led his mates to battle goblins who infested his region just like Arrav and his tribe mates did; but this time those humans would not fight alone, because the neighbor nation of Misthalin would gift them assistance on the lead of one misthalian's duke (high rank).
So Asgarnia had born before the Vampyre War, and would consider misthalin their close allies for their aid to defeat the western goblins
Now, on Drakan's attack. it was Misthalin who were in trouble, and king Eltharin sent his army of 1000 men to aid the king of Varrock, unnamed.

I guess naming that current king of Varrock could end some confusion, but there is a problem: of the five princes, only the four ones who died in battle were named by game, the prince who survived (the next king) wasn't named. I was hoping I could find their name but had no success :/

(neither is mentioned the last name of the kings of Asgarnia, we only know king Vallance and prince Enlaf)

(cont.)

24-Feb-2013 22:17:34 - Last edited on 24-Feb-2013 23:10:56 by Pupppy II

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