Review
Hey there Sword King, thanks for stopping by! I’ll read your short story now and provide feedback. I absolutely love the first paragraph; very well done on that, it really has that psychological horror feel to it, much more effective than my own shorter short story. This hunter leaps from bone to bone, nails scraping against their surfaces.
With so much haze and fog, it’d be quite hard to notice such a creature, these Spitlings, who have alligator-like snouts and daggered teeth. These monsters can probably bite a chunk out of someone and regurgitate their acidic saliva onto the wound, and possibly even corrode armour!
The yellow-eyed creature sniffs around, and makes his way through the Flesh Forest. A physical description is then given to the Spitlings; hard skin, like an exoskeleton put over a mammalian body, suggesting a semi-insectoid race, perhaps similar to the nameless race who often consist of Armoured Machines?
The Spitling stumbles, or finds, a very misshaped, wounded elephant-like flesh beast or something. It is also narrated that Spitlings communicate with pheromones, and possibly also by rhythmic scratching in the trees, maybe. An armored woman makes an appearance, making a run for it, and then shooting a crossbow at the Spitling, but the bolt doesn’t do much.
On page 5, post 3, there’s a tiny typo on the second paragraph, a little over halfway down, on the sentence that begins as *If a Spitling is spotted” there is “lang-range” instead of “long-range”.
Funnily enough, the beast (the Spitling or the elephant-monster?) is overwhelmed by two targets, suggesting that they can*t multitask quickly. The Spitling quickly dispatches the monster, its acid so corrosive it melts flesh and then bone. Presumably, the Spitling bites apart the neck bone, severing the spinal cord and disabling the monster; it then stampedes for a while and falls over, twelve eyes in the flesh-ground covered.
08-Jul-2015 00:57:27