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Feel the Silence
Quick find code: 49-50-531-56681643
Post under, Justine says "long enough to fashionably late." I think you mean to put a "be" after "to"?
Post eight, paragraph three, page thirty-three. "dancer., and" I think you mean to remove the full-stop from there, right?
Down under that a bit, "agreed with met that" you have Lord Val'Lyese say. I think the "t" on the end of "me" was a typo?
First paragraph, post ten, page thirty-six, you spell "beach" as "beah", just a typo.
Same page, post, last paragraph, you say "Lucaus" rather than "Lucas". First paragraph, page after that, you say "the sinister crackle of hundred of feet", you meant hundreds?
Last paragraph, post four, page thirty-seven. "caldrons that simmered" Typo? I think you meant cauldrons.
Post below, paragraph two. "opportunity wave his sword at the Kandarin," That's sort of confusing. What's it supposed to mean?
Post six, page thirty-seven, paragraph two. "only be the time he ahd", I think that's a typo of "had"?
Lower down, you say "Lucas felt powerful and relatively save up on the wall even so;" I think you meant "safe"?
Paragraph below. "he glaned at the hole", I think that was a typo for "glanced"?
The next post, first paragraph, end of the third line of text, "The sword was knoced from his hand", another typo, meaning "knocked" this time?
In the largest paragraph of post nine page thirty-seven, you say "tormented with guild", I think "guild" was a typo of "guilt"?
In the fourth paragraph of post one, page thirty-eight, you write "and let go her to run his fingers" did you mean "let go OF her"?
Post two, page thirty-eight, when Justine says "Ok. I'll go," it should be "Okay, I'll go." As the proper way is to say "okay", but she, as a character, can still say "OK", but in this case, it must be capitalized.
Post eight, paragraph three, page thirty-three. "dancer., and" I think you mean to remove the full-stop from there, right?
Down under that a bit, "agreed with met that" you have Lord Val'Lyese say. I think the "t" on the end of "me" was a typo?
First paragraph, post ten, page thirty-six, you spell "beach" as "beah", just a typo.
Same page, post, last paragraph, you say "Lucaus" rather than "Lucas". First paragraph, page after that, you say "the sinister crackle of hundred of feet", you meant hundreds?
Last paragraph, post four, page thirty-seven. "caldrons that simmered" Typo? I think you meant cauldrons.
Post below, paragraph two. "opportunity wave his sword at the Kandarin," That's sort of confusing. What's it supposed to mean?
Post six, page thirty-seven, paragraph two. "only be the time he ahd", I think that's a typo of "had"?
Lower down, you say "Lucas felt powerful and relatively save up on the wall even so;" I think you meant "safe"?
Paragraph below. "he glaned at the hole", I think that was a typo for "glanced"?
The next post, first paragraph, end of the third line of text, "The sword was knoced from his hand", another typo, meaning "knocked" this time?
In the largest paragraph of post nine page thirty-seven, you say "tormented with guild", I think "guild" was a typo of "guilt"?
In the fourth paragraph of post one, page thirty-eight, you write "and let go her to run his fingers" did you mean "let go OF her"?
Post two, page thirty-eight, when Justine says "Ok. I'll go," it should be "Okay, I'll go." As the proper way is to say "okay", but she, as a character, can still say "OK", but in this case, it must be capitalized.
28-Oct-2009 10:50:41
Wow. Thank you, so much, for that review. Seriously. The first part, with all the praise, makes me a very happy Smeeze.
That really means a lot to hear, since that's totally what I'm going for. As for the second part...that makes me sad, I like to think I'm not that messy, but clearly....Usually, once I write an add, I don't like to proofread, I just wanna post it and be done. I'm one of those writers that can't stand to look at what they've written. But, I probably should. That list is really helpful, and I will certainly go back and make those edits. I was doing really good with editing in the beginning, and I've gotten lazy. I'll go back and start fixing those...now, since I have a free moment actually and can't figure out what to do with myself XD
Anyway, thanks again for the review, it's incredibly helpful. As for adding...as of tomorrow night, I will hopefully officially have applied to college. I still have other applications to do, but once all the early action ones are in, I should hit a lull...and if I get into Northwestern (I'm applying early decision), well, then, I'll be done, and life will be so much easier, and then I will sit down and get writing. In the mean time...I write random scenes for this story when I'm bored in class, but I've hit writer's block for this current part, they're all future scenes (I have the future all planned out, just have to get there...).
Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm really tired and high on caffeine and it's not been a combination that's worked for me at all today XD My point is...don't expect a whole lot from me in the near future, because my life is insane, but once I get into college (but maybe not until after basketball is over) my life will be VERY relaxed and I'll be able to make lots and lots more adds. So, I ask for your patience. But I'll try to churn out something in my Anatomy class (we don't do anything)....so. Yeeeahhh. Thanks!
That really means a lot to hear, since that's totally what I'm going for. As for the second part...that makes me sad, I like to think I'm not that messy, but clearly....Usually, once I write an add, I don't like to proofread, I just wanna post it and be done. I'm one of those writers that can't stand to look at what they've written. But, I probably should. That list is really helpful, and I will certainly go back and make those edits. I was doing really good with editing in the beginning, and I've gotten lazy. I'll go back and start fixing those...now, since I have a free moment actually and can't figure out what to do with myself XD
Anyway, thanks again for the review, it's incredibly helpful. As for adding...as of tomorrow night, I will hopefully officially have applied to college. I still have other applications to do, but once all the early action ones are in, I should hit a lull...and if I get into Northwestern (I'm applying early decision), well, then, I'll be done, and life will be so much easier, and then I will sit down and get writing. In the mean time...I write random scenes for this story when I'm bored in class, but I've hit writer's block for this current part, they're all future scenes (I have the future all planned out, just have to get there...).
Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm really tired and high on caffeine and it's not been a combination that's worked for me at all today XD My point is...don't expect a whole lot from me in the near future, because my life is insane, but once I get into college (but maybe not until after basketball is over) my life will be VERY relaxed and I'll be able to make lots and lots more adds. So, I ask for your patience. But I'll try to churn out something in my Anatomy class (we don't do anything)....so. Yeeeahhh. Thanks!
30-Oct-2009 00:21:36
You're very welcome, I love the story.
There are only a few things I think you really should fix, just parts that make it more confusing for the reader. Smaller typos and such can be figured out more easily.
Good luck with the college thing, hope you get into a good one. (If that's how it works, I'm homeschooled, you see.
)
There are only a few things I think you really should fix, just parts that make it more confusing for the reader. Smaller typos and such can be figured out more easily.
Good luck with the college thing, hope you get into a good one. (If that's how it works, I'm homeschooled, you see.
)
30-Oct-2009 03:30:20
Awh, c'mon Bryana...forget about college, forget about school, forget about life, and continue this story for NaNo!
Well, you know I'm just kidding. (I hope) Good luck with Northwestern. Hope that turns out better than all my Ivies.
Well, you know I'm just kidding. (I hope) Good luck with Northwestern. Hope that turns out better than all my Ivies.
30-Oct-2009 04:44:33
If only I could...
Well, the application is in. I submitted my NWU app, so now I just have to wait...I hear by December 15. I'm still doing other applications though so I'm not all chilled yet...not until I HOPEFULLY get in.
Anyway, I made a good amount of edits. May try to do some more tomorrow night. I don't know. At some point.
Well, the application is in. I submitted my NWU app, so now I just have to wait...I hear by December 15. I'm still doing other applications though so I'm not all chilled yet...not until I HOPEFULLY get in.
Anyway, I made a good amount of edits. May try to do some more tomorrow night. I don't know. At some point.
31-Oct-2009 02:40:35
And after edits, adds?
05-Nov-2009 02:23:30
Eventually...
If I ever get into college.
If I ever get into college.
07-Nov-2009 00:16:40
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