Justine was blinking back tears. “Lucas was a servant at the castle. I spent all my time there with him, especially in the gardens. I can’t walk through there without feeling his presence – and yet I cannot stay in my home, and I cannot escape into the city!” She flung a hand toward the door, encompassing the masses swarming outside. “They act like nothing’s wrong! They act like life just goes on, like there’s no war, like men aren’t dying for reasons they don’t even understand…” she finally broke down, sobbing, and suddenly strong arms were supporting her, wrapping around her, and a voice whispered soothing things in her ear, like the mother she had never known.
It was getting dark when Justine finally left the shop, and the sweltering heat had begun to fade. The streets were quieter now, as most patrons had gone home with the sunset. Justine wandered slowly through the twilight, arms wrapped tightly around herself, deep in thought. To her delight, her headache had faded, and she hadn’t even taken any of the medicine. For the first time in a long time, pain-free, breathing deeply of the crisp night air, she could truly think clearly. It felt as though for the past few months she had been walking around in a daze.
Just to be able to speak about Lucas, to be able to express all of her frustrations…she had internalized everything she was feeling, bottled it up inside to try and hide from it, until it finally overwhelmed her. But now, it felt like she had a friend, someone she could confide in. She could let herself feel again! True, she still felt that ache in her chest whenever she thought of Lucas, but it hurt a little less when she knew she wasn’t alone anymore.
For the first time, also, she felt peaceful. She was not overcome by memories; his face did not materialize in every shadow, as it usually did. She felt free, alive, incredibly lighthearted, like a weight had been lifted.
24-May-2009 22:49:55
