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Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“However, the war is not yet done. Falador managed to beat back the first wave of invasion, but they will need our aid in return for what they have done here. They survived the attack by the leading party of Kandarins, but more are coming over the mountains, a real army, and they must be stopped. We have decided to divide the army. The Sixth Company, along with myself and General Galend, will move north to join the first five Companies at Falador. The Seventh, Eighth, and Ninth Companies will remain here, to guard the beach and build a more permanent fort to defend against future invasions. When needed, we will call you away.
“In addition, there are a few other things that must be taken care of. Smaller details, with perhaps greater impact.” Rodric looked at his hands for a moment. “The special forces units of our army are stretched rather thin. Therefore, you are all given a chance to prove your worth. If you are interested, you may volunteer for one of these such missions.* Excited whispering rippled through the crowd.
Even Lucas knew that training to be one of the famed Special Forces of the Misthalin Army was extremely extensive, and the position offered great prestige. They were spoken of in hushed whispers by the people of the city, who were afraid that one of them could overhear. Some were famously known, renowned for their great achievements, and people would part in the streets to let them pass. Others walked among the common folk, never revealing their identity. They served the King’s every whim, for although the war was new, the animosity between countries ran deep, and the Special Forces existed to sabotage the Kandarins at every turn, and to warn of possible threats.

20-Feb-2009 23:55:01

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
To fill that role would be an incredible honor, and offer a chance to rise high in the ranks. This, General Rodric knew as well. “These missions are important, men,” he roared. “You must take them seriously. We want soldiers who know what they’re doing. soldiers who won’t mess up an important mission because they want to show off, or think that they can handle this when they can’t. Understood?”
“Yes, sir!”
“Good. We’ll be in the tents. Otherwise, Sixth Company, begin packing your gear. You leave at the next blow of the trumpet, which will be at noon. At this point, the other companies will report to their commanders, and begin receiving tasks to build a fort. You are dismissed, men.”
Lucas turned and walked slowly away. His head was pounding. He’d been given a break! He could stay on the beach, a comfy existence, and lose himself in manual labor while the war continued elsewhere. What luck!
‘Coward,’ his mind whispered. He sighed deeply, looking out over the gray ocean. He was a coward. After all he had decided last night, how he would fight, how he would prove himself, he was just going to give all that up? To stay at the beach would be to give up why he had come here, why he had fought so hard to get to where he was. What purpose was there in staying away from Justine to sit on a beach, doing nothing?
And what about the fact that he was not at all capable in taking part in an important mission? What about the fact that he was completely, utterly useless? He should not throw his life away, either. But he had come here to prove he was a man, and this was the only way he could. What could Justine’s father say if he came back a member of the Special Forces? He could never deny Lucas then.

20-Feb-2009 23:55:53

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Turning, he jogged back to the meeting center, searching for Commander Ferric’s tent. He had to try to get in, at least. Many other soldiers milled about, waiting for chances to speak to their commanders or the generals, but Ferric’s tent was quiet. He presented himself to the sentry, who stuck his head in and announced Lucas. Then Lucas was waved inside.
“Sit down, Private.” Ferric waved him in. The commander was on the tall and lean, with stubble across his cheeks and short hair speckled with gray strands. He gazed at Lucas with gray eyes. “You’ve come to register for one of the missions?*
*Yes, sir.”
Ferric leaned back in his rickety wooden chair, and it creaked a warning. The inside of the tent was large and spacious, with a cot in one corner, and a wooden chest overflowing with his belongings. Next to that, his armor was carefully piled, with his sword lain across it. Ferric sat at a low wooden table strewn with parchments. There was another chair, but Lucas wasn’t sure if he could take it.
“Please, sit,” the commander gestured with a warm, friendly smile, and Lucas sat. The commander eyed him for a moment.
“You look nervous, son.”
Lucas smiled weakly. “I-I guess I am, sir.”
Ferric nodded. “Tell me why you’re qualified for this, then, Private.”
He almost laughed. He wasn’t qualified, and he probably couldn’t get away with lying for very long. “I guess, sir, that I’m really not, at least not right now. I don’t know much about fighting, but I – I want to learn, sir. I want to be a better fighter. But pitched battles – maybe they just aren’t for me. I might do better, well, on a smaller scale. And I’m smart, I’m very smart.”
“How many men have you killed?”
Lucas coughed. How could that be a fair judge of fighting ability? “Ah...” he thought back, and couldn’t remember. “Too many, sir.”

20-Feb-2009 23:56:52

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“At least you’re honest!” Ferric laughed. “You know how many men I get telling me they’ve killed hundreds, like it’s something to be proud of?” Then he sobered, pressed his lips together and said patiently, “You understand you’re exactly the kind of soldier who’s not ready to do this, Private?”
“Yes, sir. I understand.” Lucas rose to leave, hanging his head.
“Wait!” Ferric called, leaning forward again. “I wasn’t saying you’re out yet, Private. Stay. Tell me why you want to do this, if you know you’re not really up for it.”
Lucas sighed. He couldn’t explain about Justine…what could he say? “I…I want to help, sir. My company is remaining on the beach, and while it sounds relaxed…I want to be doing something. I want to be serving, I want to help stop the Kandarins, sir.”
“If all you’re going to do is spew that bull, soldier, then maybe you should go. Give me an honest answer,” Ferric snapped sternly. “Why did you REALLY join up, son? You’re young and smart enough to know better than all that ‘I’m going to serve my country,’ stuff. Tell me the truth.”
Lucas had to smile, at that. The commander was clever, indeed. “Her name is Justine,” Lucas replied, and his smile widened as he thought of her. “She’s a merchant’s son in Varrock. And I, I’m the son of a servant to the King. That’s hardly worthy of her, sir. Her father – he – he said I’m not a man, sir. I want to prove otherwise, and I can’t do that sitting on the beach, letting the war go on elsewhere.”
Ferric nodded slowly, with his own faraway smile. “Now that, I understand. I joined for a girl named Myra, in Lumbridge. I’m a baker’s son, you see, and she was far too good for me.”
“And what happened, sir?” Lucas blurted out.
Ferric chuckled. “Married somebody else while I was away in the last war, and that’s why I’m here now. But that won’t happen to you, I’m sure!” he added hastily. Lucas laughed softly.

20-Feb-2009 23:57:46

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“Son, I’d like to give you a chance. Do you have any skills that might be useful at all?”
Lucas wracked his brain for something, and found it. “I speak Kandarin, sir!” he said excitedly. “I studied it for a few years.”
“Good, good.” The commander consulted a list before him. “I think I’ve got something for you. The Kandarins have a colony on Karamja, called Brimhaven. It’s not very densely populated due to the climate, and because of clashes with the natives, it’s become something of a military base. They keep prisoners of war there. We want to free them, and hold the base as well, as a launching point for attacking Ardounge. It’s not really special forces, we’re just sending a smaller group over there – only about two squads. We want to keep it quiet, see. You’ll have about a week of sailing from Port Sarim, and I’ll tell whoever is in charge to make sure he does some training with everyone. It’ll give you a chance to learn before you get there. Your language skills may be useful, they may not be. But it** a good opportunity for you.”
Lucas smiled broadly. “Thank you so much, sir!”
“I’ll send someone for you when I know more. Good luck, Private.”
Lucas nodded and left the tent into the early morning light, feeling happier than he had in a long time.

20-Feb-2009 23:58:07

Douglini

Douglini

Posts: 6,571 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I won't point out many grammar mistakes, because I know you don't like it and you said you wasn't going to fix them anyway.
"Word had gone out that they would be buried at first light in a mass grave atop the hill."
Would it not be more prudent of them to pile the carcasses and burn them? I think it's what used to be done.

"and soon crews would organized to move the bodies and dig mass graves."
Are you missing a 'be' after 'would'?

"They served the King’s every whim, for although the war was new, the animosity between countries ran deep, and the Special Forces existed to sabotage the Kandarins at every turn, and to warn of possible threats."
I like the way you maintain continuity here, whilst still giving a purpose for the aforementioned special forces, who, without your mention of sabotage missions, would not really have any purpose.

"The commander was on the tall and lean,"
How can someone be 'on the tall and lean'?

[insert generic 'nice adds' comment].
Seriously, though, good stuff. That was eight post, which is around 15k characters, and they passed so seamlessly. It's far too easy to read your work, especially now that the grammatical errors are pretty sparse.
I know people throw the phrase around a lot here, but most of them are idiots, however I really do think that, with a bit of help, you'd be able to write something publishable. There are only three other people who I think have the quality for that, so you should feel proud of yourself.

Now, write more. Lots lots more.

21-Feb-2009 13:09:56

WintryElf

WintryElf

Posts: 1,194 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
[insert Genzen's generic comment here]
Loved those. Lots and lots of INTRIGUE!
I can't wait to see how this mission develops. I call Lucas having the capability to be useful in many Kandarin encounters with his scholarly prowess. That, or his team shuns him and kicks him when he's down. For some reason, I'm leaning toward option two, simply because it seems much more likely to happen to someone like Lucas. That, and it leaves much more room for Lucas to prove himself.
Loved the developments so far. I have my eye on this :D

23-Feb-2009 03:38:24 - Last edited on 23-Feb-2009 20:27:28 by WintryElf

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks, guys. And Gen, I will fix the errors, it just probably won't be for a while. When I REALLY have a lot of time on my hands and want to give serious consideration to this story.
For anyone who's seen Saving Private Ryan, I think it was that movie...some kind of nerdy guy goes with the group, he really gets shoved around...he was played by Jeremy Davies (Faraday on Lost...) that's all I remember, but if you know who I mean, he's partially the inspiration for Lucas. The plan is for him to really develop on this excursion, but his skills may come in handy after all...and then I have some other plans for our pathetic protagonist..
I may need to discuss the plan with you, Gen, at some point. I run all my plots by you, it works out most of the kinks. :P
As for publishing stuff, well, that is the plan. Not this, but something, eventually, so it means a lot to hear you say that. Coming from you, especially, it's high praise. If I ever finish planning and actually start writing my new story, I hope you'll say the same about that, since I actually want that one published...
I'm feeling very rambly right now, sorry. I'm trying to put off some homework. I should probably go. Anyway, thanks guys. I'm really enjoying writing this story, so I hope that's coming through. It's nice to know the work is appreciated. ^_^ I need to write some on my other story, and this weekend is looking stressful...so I can't guarantee anything in the near future. I'll add as soon as I can.
- B

24-Feb-2009 02:11:04

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ah, great developments. Your writing is as good as always. I don't know what else to say, really.
Genzen hit on the minor errors more than well enough, and everything flowed pretty smoothly. I couldn't spot much amiss, so I'll leave it at that, I guess.

25-Feb-2009 02:43:58

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