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~The Anthology II~

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A White Wolf

A White Wolf

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Cog, your story idea started poorly, but it got better the further it went.
A couple random tidbits (I didn't even begin to critique the whole thing, I don't have that much free time.)
His skin was metal, more like a suit of armor, and it shined, a deep resin like tone.
-Show, Don't Tell. "His metal skin, almost akin to a suit of armor, shone a deep, resin-like tone."
Avoid passive tense writing. The skin shone. Don't waste words and muddy the flow of the sentence by adding needless pronouns.
Also, try adding more spacing. The bulk of the story is too clumped together. It's bunchy and hard to read.

31-Aug-2008 04:49:13

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