'Crickets chirped in the humid night as hurried footsteps pounded across a moist dirt path. Deep in the woods north of the Seer's Village,'
Wouldn't it be Seers' or Seers Village? I may be wrong, but I just figured...
**
Yes, it should be Seers'.
**
“Oh Divine Zamorak…Oh…help me…”
Spaces between the periods, and the 'Oh' should have it's 'o' lowercase. =P
**
Spaces between periods in an ellipsis take up too much room and hinder the flow that I'm looking for. And lowercasing the 'o' in 'Oh' makes it sound less forceful, less pleading. I'm using literary license.
**
“Yeh, death is.”
Wouldn't the period be a comma?
**
No.
**
'along with a enchanted shortbow and a yew quaterstaff in carriers on his back'
Quarterstaff.
**
Yep, missed the 'r.'
**
'preventing any skin’* exposure at'
Wouldn't it just be 'skin'?
**
Not necessarily. It's possessive. It's the skin's exposure. "He threw a tarp over the lump, making sure no one would see the body's exposure."
You wouldn't say "see the body exposure." It sounds wrong, and it is.
**
Well, Wolf, despite the errors (worry not, they are of little consequence, and little in amount), Twilight's Shadow was good. You managed to put in a little suspence, and surprise, and cast off stereotypes of bounty hunters, bringing in a short girl to do it. Well done. Saying that knives 'blossomed' out of his chest and neck was a fine example of your skill, I've never heard such a description for someone with knives in their body. The rest of the detail was also great. Just as good the second time around.
**
Well, while I'd dispute a few of them, I would agree in that I'm not perfect. And I'm not worried. :-p Faithful readers are the best editors an author can have.
This is probably my favorite piece as well, so I'm glad you liked it.
By the way, to avoid looking extraordinarily pig-headed...
Avoid spelling mistakes while critiquing. It's "suspense." :-p
17-Aug-2008 21:30:55
