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RS Story Contest - Survivor 2

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Venmi

Venmi

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Snowbuster: I know you had a short entry and no teammate to work with, but this perfectly fills the criteria and is exactly what I am looking for. I did*’t feel it necessary to read the whole lore, but I went back to the lore to understand where you were coming from, and you definitely added an important aspect that Jagex overlooked. The reaction to death is never explained in as much detail as it should be. The closest ones react the worst to it, and it is never an easy thing. I’m glad you added this in, and it is written really well. Just be careful with your spacing when you post.

One more thing I noticed is that while the lore is in first person past tense, you write it in first person present tense. I would stick with the way the lore is written to maintain a sense of consistency. Keep going with your writing. It is getting so much better.

Lebbeh and Mors Et Vita: This is a beautiful entry that really goes into the mind of these two characters. It seems that Zenevivia really hates the world, and Dionysius sees beauty. This definitely can cause conflict between the two, and I definitely enjoy the end where they are going through counseling. I love being able to see both styles within the writing. It was all structured well, but I noticed that you switched tenses the last paragraph from past to present. Be careful there. Besides that, this was a fantastic entry!

01-Nov-2011 19:35:00

Venmi

Venmi

Posts: 14,744 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
iChuk and Aeraie: Very interesting entry to read, I must admit. I am a huge sucker for combat scenes, and this was written really well. The paragraph where the haft of the staff goes through Zaros and they are both on ground was definitely beautiful. I noticed some things, though. You put together a question mark and an exclamation point during dialogue sometimes. Don’t do that. Choose one, and let the other one come through based on the words and situation. A good enough writer can do that, and I know you two are good enough to do so.

One more thing, the two of you did fantastically with the action sequences and the descriptions. The dialogue, on the other hand, seemed to fall a little flat and did*’t seem to have as much care put into it. Also, I thought the Stone of Jas was huge, but that’s a RuneScape thing that really doesn’t matter much. The quality of the entry is what matters, and you guys delivered. Great job!

The winners of this round were the ones who wrote the entry that I thought had the most balance. All three were based off the RuneScape lore and legends (or quests), and all three were written really well. This was really, really hard to pick the winners. But the winners are…

Lebbeh and Mors Et Vita!

Congratulations! The voting round will be up shortly.

01-Nov-2011 19:35:15 - Last edited on 01-Nov-2011 19:35:46 by Venmi

Old Gnomish
Jul Member 2023

Old Gnomish

Posts: 2,569 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Congratulations, Mors and Lebbeh, your story was excellent. :)

Thanks for pointing-out the tense in which I wrote my entry in. I never noticed that, so thank you, it helps me become a better writer. :)

EDIT: When you say "spacing when you post" are you referring to my paragraphs? I have to change them because they don't copy exactly the same as when I type them on Microsoft Word.
Snow
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Guildmaster - The Novelists' Guild

01-Nov-2011 19:47:57 - Last edited on 01-Nov-2011 19:49:35 by Old Gnomish

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hmm, my membership seems to be a little more accurate.

Thanks for getting that done, Mitch, despite the difficulties. It's great to win another round, but I feel the teamwork associated was far greater. It was an experience I wouldn't have had without this challenge, and for that, I thank you. Well done Mors.

Also congratulations for getting an entry up to Snow, Aeraie and Chuk.

In regards to the tense change, I had originally edited it to what it should be on microsoft word, and then copied from my thread when posting the entry. Quite stupid.

Thanks again, Mitch. I'll try get in-game later.

01-Nov-2011 20:18:25

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Unsurprising."

That doesn't seem like a hearty comment, Aeraie. Is everything okay?

Mors, I am actually somewhat surprised at how well we worked together. Thanks for being an amazing teammate through that weekend where I was inactive (and most of the week, actually).

02-Nov-2011 05:18:37

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Make what I wish of it? It seems like an attack, to me -- that's what I make of it. I don't know whether to interpret your comments as obnoxious, sarcastic or simply light-hearted.

03-Nov-2011 19:49:52 - Last edited on 04-Nov-2011 21:53:45 by Borna Coric

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