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27-May-2006 21:38:41 - Last edited on 27-May-2006 21:40:38 by Azure Sunday

Something small hit his back and bounced harmlessly off of the dragon scales. Zezima didn't feel it and kept swimming. And there were noobs whose heads were perpetually lit on fire. Before the last skirmish he had thought that was only a tall tale.
Something bigger hit Zezimas back and this time he did feel it. He surfaced and looked around in time to see a fire staff floating off downriver. A closer look around brought to his attention a robed figure jogging along the river's rocky bank. Zezima realized the current was pulling him back downriver. Muttering an oath, he swam quickly into shallower waters then waded out of the Lumbridge river. Sitting down on firm ground, Zezima shot an annoyed glance up at Voldemort, who stood nearby panting slightly. Unfortunately, from Zezima's perspective the sun was right behind Voldemorts head, and before his annoyed glance could have any effect he was forced to look down again, blinking, momentarily blinded.
Zezima:I was having a nice swim.
Voldemort:Yeah, and I had a nice fire staff.
Zezima:Lol, you didn't have to throw it at me.
Voldemort:Well, you've been swimming for hours.
Voldemort:And then you turned your private chat off.
Voldemort:How else was I supposed to interrupt you?
Hours? Zezima looked around. To the south the gnarled trees of Draynor manor beckoned. And to the east, first a bridge, and then what was unmistakably the paved path to Varrock stretched out to a horizon where dim traces of smoke could be seen. A unicorn trotted elegantly through the wildlife nearby. He tried not to let his surprise show on his face.
Zezima:What's the smoke from?
Voldemort:Well, that's what I need to tell you about.
Voldemort:Starwarfan pmed me a bit ago.
Zezima:I thought he was dead.
Voldemort:I thought so too.
Voldemort:But he obviously survived somehow...
Voldemort:He's headed into the Wildy.
Zezima:Why?
Voldemort:I'm not sure.
Zezima:And the smoke?
Voldemort C)The noobs are gone.

27-May-2006 21:39:14

Zezima:?
Voldemort:Yea, they suddenly decided to head up into the Wilderness.
Zezima:To the mage arena?
Voldemort:I don't know, Starwarfan said something about a duel.
Voldemort C)They set fire to Varrock first, though.
Zezima:Lol, when did they leave?
Voldemort:Early this morning.
Zezima:They could be halfway to the mage arena by now!
Voldemort:Lol, they'd never be able to take it, even if they got there.
Zezima:You never know, noobs are unpredictable.
Voldemort:Noobs are harmless.
Voldemort:I bet they'd die on their way up there from moss giants or something.
Zezima:Still, I'd rather not take chances.
Zezima:There are too many of them.
Voldemort:And you propose...
Zezima:I know I'm going into the Wildy.
Zezima:You can join me or stay here, but if you join, then pm Azrael
Zezima:The noobs might be trying to divert our attention.
Zezima raw us from Lumbridge or something.
Zezima:Tell Azrael to hold the fort.
Voldemort:Lol, I think you overestimate the noobs.
Zezima:It's never wise to be too confident in your abilities,
Zezima:Anything can happen, and if we lose the mage arena...
That would be a humiliation to the elitists and create a huge decrease in morale. Zezima would die before he let noobs hold the Wilderness.
Voldemort h well, if you're going Im coming.
Voldemort:You're not getting rid of me that easily.
Zezima:=(
Voldemort:Lol.
Voldemort:So you're going dressed like that?
Voldemort glanced disapprovingly at Zezima's dripping blue dragonhide suit.
Zezima:There's a bank in Edgeville.
Voldemort , kk.
Voldemort:Starwarfan's going to the mage arena.
Zezima ?
Voldemort:Yea, he just messaged me again.
Zezima k, say we'll meet him there.

27-May-2006 21:39:45

Voldemort C)It'll be interesting to see him again.
Zezima:Yea...
Zezima:By the way, any news of the Texan?
They had all decided that they would tell no one of what had transpired in the Lumbridge dungeon. Azrael would not get punished for improperly searching Texan85, and Voldemort and Zezima would not suffer public humiliation for being outsmarted by a noob.
Voldemort:Not yet, but when I find him...
A dangerous glint flashed across Voldemort's eyes.
Zezima:Just don't kill him,
Zezima:I still need to extract some information.
Voldemort:I can't believe Azrael didn't search him.
Voldemort:You know, we should teach him some diligence.
Zezima:Ah, but he's got too much information on his side.
Voldemort:Who cares if we got owned by a noob,
Voldemort on't let him go scott free.
Zezima laboriously regained his feet.
Zezima:I care.
His legs had become stiff after leaving the water. He still couldn't believe it had been hours of swimming. It had felt like minutes.
Zezima:Let's go then.
Voldemort:Sure, let's find these noobs.
Voldemort:I guess I'll pm Azrael.
He added petulantly.
They walked north, then worked themselves into a jog. Within minutes they were past the spiked fences of Barbarian Village, past the agitated fish in the shallows of River Lum, and running steadily towards that unforgiving landscape that a long-dead hero had nicknamed the Wilderness.

27-May-2006 21:41:10

61 - Baa Bleety

'Zezima never sleeps. He waits.'
- Noob Saying

Cheezit92:First of all we'll need the giants on our side
The noobs who were trying to look smart nodded fervently as though they knew what he was talking about, but most of the army just looked confused. Mirayn3 was one of the confused ones.
Mirayn3:?
Cheezit92:We're up against Zezima AND Voldemort
He put emphasis on the 'and'.
Mirayn3:?
Cheezit92:AND
Mirayn3:?
Cheezit92 on't worry if you don't understand it
Cheezit92 C)It took me a while to figure out
But Dumbelldoor, a wrinkled, wizened noob, suddenly stood up and tried to explain the intricacies of Cheezit92's statement.
Dumbelldoor:If we don't take action the giants are going to side with Voldemort
Dumbelldoor:He already has the deatheaters, we don't want his army to grow
Dumbelldoor took his seat once more, Cheezit92 nodding at him.
Cheezit92:Very goodly explained, Dumbell
Dumbelldoor:Ty
Cheezit92:Np
Dumbelldoor:Yw
Cheezit92:Np
Mirayn3:?
Cheezit92:Ug, it's hopeless
Discollama2:I don't get this either
Discollama2:What are deatheaters?
Dumbelldoor rose once more and said in a tone that implied this was one of the basic facts of life -
Dumbelldoor:Evil wizards following Voldemort of course
Discollama2:You mean dark mages?
Cheezit92:I guess so
Discollama2:Voldemort is one of the head elitists
Cheezit92:Yea
Discollama2:And he has dark mages following him?
Cheezit92:Yes, deatheaters
Discollama2 k, I get it now, we should get the trolls behind us
Dumbelldoor:Yea, it's the obvious step
Discollama2:After you fight Ratherdashng tho...
Cheezit92:Yes, after I kill Ratherdashng
Cheezit92:But we need to send people to the giants now so they'll be back by the time Ratherdashng's dead
Cheezit92:Any volunteers?
He stood expectantly on his rock platform, eyes sweeping the thousands of noobs before him like a beacon sweeping the sea.

27-May-2006 21:42:34

And wherever his eyes fell muttered excuses rose from the noobs, creating a wave of talk that flowed through the gathering. Phrases like 'Uh...I've got a date tomorrow' and 'I don't know what a giant is' reverberated about Zezima Isle's main cavern.
Cheezit92:Nobody?
A few final mumblings echoed about the room, sounds seeming to stumble against each other and then fall, one by one, into silence. Cheezit92 swept them with his eyes again but everywhere he looked noobs averted their gaze, turning to stare at the heroic murals, the hastily erected banner that had been attached to the wall behind Cheezit92 that read 'REBEL MEETING TODAY. COME', and the figure of Dot278 which was walking towards the group from the fight pit. Cheezit92 sighed.
Cheezit92:Alright,
Cheezit92:I'll give a gift to those going then
A burble of excitement burst from the crowd. Discollama2 gave Cheezit92 a questioning glance. (c)Mr. Happy gave him a knowing nod. Perhaps he could send Mr. Happy on the expedition and get rid of him. (c)Mr. Happy seemed to sense his thoughts though and shook his head, pointing at Discollama2 and making a throat-sl(C)itting gesture. Cheezit92 ignored that.
Haggard:What gift?
Cheezit92:A surprise one
Babbles of discontent. The noobs wouldn't go if they didn't know what the reward was.
Cheezit92 k, ok, I'll tell you what it is
Cheezit92:And I'm sending the first two people that respond as my negotiators
Cheezit92:Recently I had the luck of getting two...
He stopped, surveying the crowd. (c)Mr. Happy also looked about, turning his back to Cheezit92. Cheezit92 smiled. (c)Mr. Happy did not suspect what was about to happen. All in one breath he said
Cheezit92 C)Two spinach rolls and Mr. Happy is one of my negotiators
He pointed at Mr. Happy'* back and immediately saw that he had made a mistake. Hip-length blonde hair flowed down the back of the person he was pointing at.

27-May-2006 21:43:08 - Last edited on 27-May-2006 21:43:59 by Azure Sunday

She swiveled around at the word 'negotiators' and stopped suddenly when she saw Cheezit92 pointing at her. For a moment she was at a loss for words, putting a hand over her chest as though to feel her heartbeat, then -
Madamaxeem:Me?
Cheezit92 quickly scanned the crowned but Mr. Happy was nowhere in sight. He cursed inwardly.
Haggard:Ar'll do it! Aar'll do it!
Most of the rest of the noobs were still looking around to see the Mr. Happy Cheezit92 had indicated.
Cheezit92:Uh...
Madamaxeem:I do be no **ester 'appy
Madamaxeem:But I veel do dees expadeesheawn
Cheezit92:Um...ok
She was a broad woman, almost a giant herself. Cheezit92 decided she would be good for the job. Nevertheless he executed another fruitless scanning of the crowd.
Madamaxeem k
Haggard:Ar'll do it! Ar'll bring yer back a giant skull big as dis room!
Cheezit92:Um, we're not trying to kill the giants, just talk peacefully with them
Haggard:I'll bring yer back a mighy treay 'en. Letters writ a hunderd miles wide
Cheezit92:Sure
Haggard:Ar'm picked?
Cheezit92:Yes
Haggard turned to the crowds.
Haggard:Har, all yer rest missed a beastly opportunity
Haggard:Ar(C) seen sommun selin rolls fer 50k on the markit
Mirayn3:I'll do the job then!
Cheezit92:Uh, we already have 2 people
Mirayn3
Mirayn3:****
Dot278, who had joined the group a few minutes ago and remained silent since, chose this moment to speak up.
Dot278:What expedition would this be?
*****it92 ne that you're not going on
Dot278:Lol, I wouldn't want to go on it
Cheezit92:Well what are you doing here then?
Cheezit92:Can't you read the sign?
He waved a hand vaguely behind him at the banner.
Dot278:Um...yes?
Cheezit92:And please tell me what it says
Dot278:Rebel meeting today. Come.
Cheezit92:Very good. Keep reading
Dot278:That's it.
Cheezit92 k, so why would an outcast be at a rebel meeting?
Dot278:Maybe because outcasts are rebels too...

27-May-2006 21:45:04

Cheezit92:Lol, you make me laugh
Dot278:You don't think outcasts are rebels?
Cheezit92:If I did I'd have no trouble with you at this meeting, would I now?
He raised his hands, at the same time raising laughs from the crowd.
Dot278:Let me ask you then,
Dot278:What's your definition of a rebel?
Cheezit92:Someone who fights against elitists of course
He looked at the crowds and rolled his eyes. The crowd laughed and applauded. Dot278 didn't even know what a rebel was.
Dot278:So rebels are outcasts then.
This took Cheezit92 by surprise. He could see many in the crowd nodding at Dot278's logical step, but when they saw Cheezit92 looking at them they quickly turned their nods to shakes of 'no'. For a minute Cheezit92 was flummoxed, then he said -
Cheezit92:Lol, you must have heard me wrong
Cheezit92:I said all people below level 50 who go against the elitists are rebels
Cheezit92 idn't I?
He looked to the gathered noobs for support.
Mirayn3:No, actually you didn't
Cheezit92 C) **** it guys, you're supposed to back me up
Mirayn3 h, sorry I didn't know
Cheezit92 C)That's ok
Dot278:Lol.
Cheezit92:So, do you have anything to say or did you just come to laugh at us?
Dot278:Yes, actual...
Cheezit92:No? I didn't think so. Bye bye
Dot278:But...
Cheezit92:I said goodbye
Dot278:I know, b...
Cheezit92:Lol, I don't think he understands what goodbye means
This won a round of 'lol's' from the crowd.
Dot278:Sure, I'll leave then.
Cheezit92 k
Dot278 walked casually away from the meeting. Cheezit92 knew that within, though, he must be roiling with rage for losing the word battle at the very end. The outcast was great at acting however, and never looked angry as he crossed the stone cavern and was enveloped by the fight pits. All the noobs, who had turned to watch the outcast leave, now swiveled back to Cheezit92.
Cheezit92:Lol, outcasts are so stupid sometimes
Cheezit92:Now where were we?
Cheezit92 h yes, the giants

27-May-2006 21:45:50

Two hours later the noobs had come to agreements on many issues. They would not only send envoys to the giants but also to many of Runescapes other prominent races - the trolls, demons, and cave slugs. Apart from that, they had decided that their plan for taking the mage arena would be determined once they reached the mage arena. For the last half-hour of the meeting they had reworded and decorated their banner. It now read:

REBEL MEETING TODAY, ONLY REBELS ARE ALLOWED

When the messenger came, Cheezit92 was adding a few violet stars to the poster's border while trying to ignore Discollama2's inquisitions as to why they were decorating the banner after the meeting was over.
The messenger was something you'd never want to put pencil to paper, or fingers to keyboard, to describe - a hairy noob. Worse yet, he liked to flaunt his fur and never wore a shirt. His chest looked like he had covered it with the back hair of a moss giant, and not a particularly high-quality moss giant either. Perhaps one of the sewer skein. Clinging to it were bits of - well, you get the picture. The only slightly savory thing about him was the grubby fire tiara that adorned his wrinkly forehead.
He stank his way into the crowd and it was the toxins secreted by him that first alerted Cheezit92 to his presence. Cheezit92 glanced up impatiently from his doodles.
Cheezit92:Hello?
Slarty:Erm, well I have a message for Cheezit92
Cheezit92:Yes, that would be me
Slarty:Well, erm, I'm here to remind you of the meeting
Cheezit92:Meeting?
Slarty:Yea, erm the meeting
He rubbed at his head with a grimy hand.
Slarty C)The meeting between you, Ratherdashng and Baa Bleety
Cheezit92 C)There's a meeting?
Slarty:Yea
Cheezit92:And no one told me?
Slarty C)They didn't?
Cheezit92:No, I haven't heard of a meeting
Slarty
Cheezit92:So how much time do I have to prepare?
Slarty:Not much

27-May-2006 21:46:25

Cheezit92 got to his feet and started perambulating between the tents that covered almost every available inch of Zezima Isle, both inside and out. From above, they must look like a patchwork quilt, Cheezit92 thought. If that were so, his would be the imposing red quadrilateral in the center of the quilt.
Cheezit92:And by not much time you mean...
Slarty C)It started half an hour ago
Cheezit92 , so that would give me...wait
He stopped and did some quick calculations on his fingers, shook his head then counted again.
Cheezit92:8 minutes?
Slarty:?
Cheezit92:8 minutes to prepare?
Slarty:I don't think you understand
Slarty:You don't have any time to spare
Cheezit92 h, then why did you stop?
Slarty:I didn't stop, you did
Cheezit92:Well nvm why you stopped, let's just get going
Cheezit92:I don't think you grasp how little time we have

Fully brocaded in soft silks, Cheezit92 and Ratherdashng marched into the fight pit. While Ratherdashng wore a valiant suit of stark jade and faded verdigris lines, Cheezit92 had on the same soothing pink outfit he had purchased in Varrock. He had not had time to find another.
Slarty had left them a quarter of an hour ago claiming other work he had been assigned to do for Ratherdashng. They had both been glad to get rid of him.
Now, they stormed into the colossal arena ring which was as packed with tents from Baa Bleety's and Ratherdashng's armies as the outer cavern was with Cheezit92's army. Vermilion seemed the standard color of these tents, and, along with the hundreds set up in the circular stands, it looked like rings of fire spreading out from the gladiatorial fighting grounds. Or perhaps ripples spreading out from the epicenter of a disturbed pool of blood. The place was large, perhaps bigger than the outer cavern, and full to the brink with busy beings. Many, however, stopped their work to stare at the two noobs as they entered through an archway at the top of the stands.

27-May-2006 21:46:58