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Azure Sunday

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Cheezit92 waited until all of his army had forded the river before proceeding. It took a good half-hour, but finally the army was ready to march again. Fifteen thousand noobs closed in on Ardougne, and only fifteen elitist rangers appeared on the upper battlements to oppose them (All the elitist mages were currently busy trying to control the fire).
A drizzle of arrows whistled down into the noob army, and Cheezit92 ordered everyone who had a shield to protect their heads with it as they sprinted forward. They found Ardougne's gates locked, a heavy steel portcullis dropped down to bar the entryway. Cheezit92 was flummoxed for a moment, he hadn't even thought about how to force the gates open. But then, someone behind him shouted to use the mages to melt the steel, and Cheezit92, acting as if it had been his own idea, ordered it done. Noob mages raced to the front and were soon sending a continuous stream of fireballs fizzling against Ardougne's portcullis and wooden gates.
One hour and numerous magic level ups later, the mage noobs finally began to make some progress. Slowly, the portcullis was beginning to melt in the heat, the wood behind it turning charred and black. Another problem surfaced at this point, however: the mages were running low on runes.
Thinking again, Cheezit92 ordered a few noobs back across the river to bring wood and other pieces of flotsam over to the castle, all of which was piled up beneath the castle's door. Soon a continuous bonfire was raging at it's entrance, noobs scurrying about under constant bombardment from the elitist arrows. Still, it was a slow process, and it was two hours before Zamilo hurried up to Cheezit92 and pointed out that there was a small side door to the right of Ardougne's entrance that was unlocked. The army could enter there.
With a deafening roar, the noob army squeezed itself through this door with much difficulty and, after entering, easily overpowered the elitists inside due to their numbers.

27-May-2006 18:19:57

Azure Sunday

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A few elitist meleers met the flood of noobs on the stairs in the palace, causing extensive damage before they were taken down by numerous arrows or many blows from close-range weapons. King arthur was discovered overseeing the mage elitists and, although Cheezit92 had wanted King Arthur taken alive, the enraged noobs, caught up in blood lust, killed him anyway. All of the mages, who had only just succeeded in putting out the fire, lay dead within seconds.
The rangers atop the castle turned out to be the largest challenge for the noob army. They had arranged themselves into a compact group atop the battlements, arrows flashing out at the slightest hint of a noob. No noob meleer was ever able to touch that group, but noob rangers and meleers took care of it quickly enough. Targetting one ranger at a time, they worked their way through the entire range group within twenty minutes with heavy casualties.
Sounds of battle died down. Only one elitist had not yet been slaughtered by the noobs.

~~~~

Forgetfulman ran down Ardougne's back stairways, not knowing he was the last of the Ardougne elitist's. He had just remembered that he had left one of the doors on Ardougne's lower floors unlocked. Or at least he thought he had. Why had they put this duty on him? Couldn't they tell from his name that he would forget?
He had let Gamrut3000, one of the Ardougne mages out of the door this morning, and then gone off to breakfast and forgotten that whole thing. Gamrut3000 should have been back in long before now...
Why did they give him the keys?
Oh well, he had to lock the door before the other elitists noticed it was open, and he had to do it without the other elitist's noticing. That would be the worst, if they realized he had forgotten his task and laughed at him.
Finally the door came into sight and he was shocked to see it wide open. How could Gamrut3000 have been so careless?

27-May-2006 18:20:07

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The noobs were across the river now, they could easily have entered the castle. How had they not noticed yet?
He laughed silently to himself as he closed the door and locked it. Of course they hadn't noticed it, the noobs were so stupid sometimes. Turning around he was surprised to see four...no five...no, now there were six noobs in the corridor, staring at him. All were clad in black wizard robes.
How had they gotten in?
And then it hit him. One of the other elitist's had forgotten to lock a door! When he found out who it was...But he never got the chance.
As it turned out, Forgetfulman had slightly miscounted the number of noob mages, or perhaps not seen a few. There were actually 24 of them watching him, led by Lilvoldemort.
Lilvoldermort:Fire!
Three volleys of fire attacks was all it took to end Forgetfulman's life.
~~~~

Cheezit92 paced about the Ardougne entrance chamber, hearing the last of the death reports come in. It seemed Ardougne had come with its price in bodies.
Jimcart3:28 casualties in the 2nd story battle
Jimcart3:Southwest corner
That would make what...about 400 altogether now. Yes, it had been costly, but not as costly as Cheezit92 had thought it would be. Why had there been so few elitists? Maybe the elitists were running low on troops.
Not that any of these numbers really mattered anymore. What was important was that Ardougne was theirs! That thought made Cheezit92 feel almost giddy. It meant that there was only one elitist stronghold left, the war almost over.
At first light tomorrow, Cheezit92 decided, the noobs would be taking the march back east and up into the Wilderness towards that last elitist fortress, towards the mage arena.

27-May-2006 18:20:22

Azure Sunday

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32 – Nerds

Mr. Happy loves to smile.
Smile and kill all the while.
Happy to turn smiles to sad.
Noob inquisitions made him mad.
-Azrael E'terni

Mr. Happy fell down through darkness and awoke, with a jolt, in bed. Torchlight flickered faintly, casting a homely glow about the small chamber he was lying in. Was he back in his cell?
No, his cell had never been this well-furnished.
A chair scraped and he turned to see a blue-haired, red-robed man stand up to the right of his bed. His hair looked coarse, as though it had not been washed for some time, and when he spoke it was likewise in a coarse, unwashed voice.
Sethcat:I've been waiting for you to regain consciousness.
(c)Mr. Happy:You have?
Sethcat:Yes, all of Xanadu has.
(c)Mr. Happy:Xanadu? Who are you?
Sethcat:Well, that depends...
Sethcat:What are you, Revolt Lover or Zezimanite?
Mr. Happy:?
Sethcat:Are you with Cheezit92 or Zezima?
Mr. Happy:Is this the nerd fortress?
Sethcat:Lol, Xanadu, nerd fortress...
Sethcat:I guess some would judge them synonomous.
Sethcat:Answer me though - Cheezit92 or Zezima?
Mr. Happy:Neither. I'm in the middle
Sethcat

come now, Sinusoidal already told us that
Sethcat:But I know better.
Sethcat:In a conflict like this, no one can be neutral.
(c)Mr. Happy:Both sides have tried to kill me
Mr. Happy:I'd say I was not on either side
Sethcat:Have they now? That's intriguing.
Sethcat:Nevertheless, you have a preference.
Sethcat

ut with it.
Should he answer this man?
The way he saw it, he had a 50% chance of saying an answer the man would like. But weren't the nerds neutral? Were they just testing him?
Mr. Happy:I'm neutral
Sethcat:Absolutely neutral?
Mr. Happy:Absolutely-positively neutral. Yes
Sethcat:Still trying to evade an answer I percieve.
(c)Mr. Happy:No
Sethcat:Very well then.

27-May-2006 18:20:38

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

His voice had turned harder at these last words. One hand travelled across his blood-red robes for a minute before dipping into a small pocket along one of his capacious sleeves and producing a small vial, the lid of which he grasped gently between his thumb and forefinger as though a squeeze might break it. In the vile, a translucent liquid rested, its consistency and color reminding Mr. Happy of saliva.
Sethcat:I was afraid it might come to this.
He gave the vial a shake and the fluid inside sloshed around sluggishly.
Sethcat:A most interesting concoction.
Sethcat:Ranarr weed, snape grass and my own secret ingredient
Sethcat:In proportions so perfect you'll scream
Sethcat:For a very long time.
Nimble fingers began to unscrew the lid and Mr. Happy quickly decided a 50% chance was good enough for him.
(c)Mr. Happy:Alright! Alright!
Mr. Happy:If I had to choose
Mr. Happy:It would be Zezima
He would rather die than join with Cheezit92. Zezima , at least, had had a logical reason for trying to dispose of him. Cheezit92...he still wasn't sure why that noob had wanted him dead.
Sethcat twisted the vial shut again and gently tucked it back into a pocket.
Sethcat:Alright then
Sethcat:You wanted to know who I was
Sethcat:Well I am Sethcat, a friend and the Xanadian potions master.
He extended a hand.
Sethcat:Glad to have made your acquaintance.
(c)Mr. Happy was startled. Had he imagined the potion and Sethcat's questions? A comforting smile now adorned the potion master's face, and Mr. Happy could find no trace of the steely expression that had inhabited it just a minute ago.
Sethcat:We'll be seeing more of each other later
He tipped his head to Mr. Happy as he backed towards the door.
Sethcat:And long live the Zezimanites!
Sethcat's hand fluttered to his forehead in a well-practiced salute before swivelling out the door. (c)Mr. Happy subconsciously tried to return it and found he couldn't.

27-May-2006 18:20:51

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Glancing down, he saw that his right arm was in a cast. Lifting the blanket also revealed his left knee and ankle in bandages. He remembered his dream - or had it been a dream? - with Cheezit92, and pieced together what must have happened. In the dark corridors he had fallen down some stairs or something, hit his head, and, while unconscious, hallucinated about Cheezit92.
Or had he become delusional farther back?
The nerds could have hit him on the head after he stepped out of their contraption.
Or maybe he had even imagined the nerd trio...
Perhaps he was only waking up for the first time after a poorly-aimed arrow from Muad Dhib had knocked him unconscious. That was a disconcerting thought.
How much of what he remembered had really happened? It had to have broken off from reality somewhere.
Wolf0122 and the nerds had been real he decided finally. He could never have made up their mathe question by himself.
And, as though summoned by Mr. Happy'* thoughts, the door to his room screaked open and Wolf0122 entered, trailed by three other people.

27-May-2006 18:21:04

Azure Sunday

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33 – Road rage14

The noobs stood in the gleaming sun
A new rebellion had begun
Cruelty is all these people knew
But it is time to start their lives anew
There is a rumor in the halls
The reign of elitists soon will fall.
-Headhoncho2

Finally, Zezima disentangled himself from the dark jungle and strode out onto the beach to find see the shadowy outlines of Nutdo, Road Rage14 and four or five other elitists on the sand before him. Either they had beaten him out of the jungle, or had never left the beach, but either way they were angry at being tricked so easily. And either way there was nothing they could do about it.
They stood at attention as he greeted them and told them he had to leave immediately for the mainland, but he imagined they were silently seething inside. It made Zezima smile.
Road Rage14:Sry about the threats, sir.
Zezima:Np, you weren't the worst one.
Bondguy came sprinting down the beach towards them and came to an abrupt stop in front of Zezima a few moments later, panting heavily.
Bondguy:Ur glider is ready, ur lord.
Zezima:U can just call me Zezima.
Bondguy:Kk, the gnome pilot wants to know where to, Zezima.
Zezima:Tell him Al Kharid, I'll be there in a minute.
Bondguy:K.
Bondguy hurtled back down the beach and, after waiting a few seconds, Zezima began walking towards the glider pad aswell.
Nutdo:What's the reason for leaving so early?
Road Rage14:Is it the noob war?
Zezima:Yes, it seems I must be getting back to that aswell.
Zezima:But I'm leaving right now to help a friend.
Road Rage14:Voldemort?
Zezima:Uh...perhaps.
Zezima:I don't want anyone following me when I leave though.
Zezima:Remember, ur bodyguard duties were only for Karamja.
Nutdo:Then...should we head back to the mage arena?
Zezima:Yes, or Lumbridge.
Zezima:We'll meet again soon.
Nutdo:K.
They had reached the gnome glider and, as the gnome pilot waddled towards Zezima, the elitists took their leave, heading off to their own gliders.

27-May-2006 18:21:15

Azure Sunday

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Road Rage14 stayed behind, however, standing with a dignified air and watching the waves taste the beach. Once everyone had departed, he turned on Zezima.
Road Rage14:What do you want with Texan85?
Zezima:?
Road Rage14:Sorry, I'm just wondering.
Zezima:How do you know about Texan85?
Road Rage14:Well, I've met him before
Road Rage14:And I just pmed Voldemort...
Zezima:You've met him?
Road Rage14:Well yes, we used to talk.
Zezima:How was he?
Road Rage14:Always smart and philosophical.
Road Rage14:And inquisitive,
Road Rage14:He asked everyone if they were Texan
Zezima:Go on...
Road Rage14:I'm just wondering why u want to find him.
Zezima:Let's just say I met him while hunting and I'm interested.
Road Rage14:He's on the island?!
Zezima:I doubt he is anymore.
Road Rage14:But u actually saw him?
Zezima:Yes.
Road Rage14:I wonder how he got here...
Road Rage14:Bondguy said he was taking special precautions
Road Rage14:That no one else could come to this island while u were hunting.
Zezima:I wonder too.
How did one teleport? That was what Zezima wondered. He was sure teleportation had gotten Texan85 onto Karamja, and it would come in so useful in the war if only he rediscovered how to do it. Perhaps Road Rage14 know the answer to that, having been acquainted with Texan85. But then again, if Road Rage14 knew, he wouldn't be wondering how Texan85 got onto the island. Or would he?
Talking with an elitist was like walking along the edge of a razor sometimes. Many tried to bend their words around a truth they didn't want uncovered, others lied through their teeth. Was Road Rage14 trying to conceal that he knew the secrets behind teleportation? But before Zezima could ask about it, Road Rage14 chipped in again.
Road Rage14:Voldemort wishes to speak with you again.
Zezima:That can wait.
Road Rage14:He's been pming me for a while now.
Road Rage14:He says it's urgent.
Zezima:Alright.
He switched his private chat back on.

27-May-2006 18:21:41

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Zezima:This better be good.
Voldemort:Finally, you're on again.
Zezima:You wanted to talk?
Voldemort:Yes, u'll want to get over here quickly.
Zezima:And why would that be.
Voldemort:Because there's an army marching through here.
Zezima:Through Varrock?
Voldemort:Yes, I don't think it's one of ours.
Zezima:I wouldn't think so either.
Voldemort:I think the noob army might be back already.
Zezima:Surely Ardougne couldn't have fallen that quickly...
If they were back already that meant it must have taken no more than three days for Ardougne to fall.
Voldemort:King arthur isn't answering.
Zezima:Check on that army and make sure.
Voldemort:I can't, I'm kind of stuck.
Zezima:Stuck?
Voldemort:Yes. Come to Varrock library.
Zezima:I'm on my way.
Throughout the conversation, he had hardly noticed Road Rage14 take his leave, but now he saw he was alone with a female gnome pilot who was standing patiently before him. How long had the gnome been there?
Zezima:So the glider is ready?
Alvia:Has been for a while, sir.
Alvia:I did not want to interrupt your conversation.
Alvia:I'm honored to have you fly with me.
Zezima

k, I think I'm ready.
But before they reached the glider Zezima stopped. He had just noticed the gnome'* white pilot suit.
Zezima

o you hae a white suit like urs that would fit me?
Alvia:I don't know, I'll ask Bondguy.
Zezima:I don't want anyone to know who it's for though.
Zezima:And see if he has a green suit that would fit you aswell.
Alvia

k.
Her brown eyes seemed to spark in the moonlight as she tried to imagine what Zezima was up to.
Zezima:Go.
Alvia waddled off to return again a few minutes later with a white wizard gown for him and a motley of green clothes for herself. Although the green clothes were a bit big for the gnome, Zezima judged they would work for what he had in mind. Anyway, it was very possible they wouldn't even need the clothes. It all depended on the other elitists.

27-May-2006 18:21:55

Azure Sunday

Posts: 3,757 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

By the time Zezima and the gnome pilot, clad in their new clothes, took to the air, the moon was just waning and the sun taking its first weary glance over the eastern horizon.
The gnome glider got off to a shaky start, sinking down and almost skimming the ocean with no lift under its wings. Alvia was a skilled flier however, and it was not long before a gust hit them from the east. The gnome pilot tilted the craft, letting wind fill its wings and sending the glider soaring upwards, towards the striated clouds that littered the sky.
Zezima peered about the twilit landscape below as Alvia manipulated the controls. The waves rippling against Karamja were easily visible, each a unique zigzag of white and yellow closing in on the island's pale beaches. Alvia muttered something as she maneuvered the glider through a 90 degree turn so that they were heading west, back above the Karamja glider pads. The wind ripped whatever she had said away from Zezima's ears, however.
Zezima:?
Alvia:Below us to the left!
She was shouting, but it was still hard to make out her words. Zezima looked down and saw what he had expected.
Two elitist gliders had departed a few minutes after him. As Alvia guided the glider over Karamja the other two followed a good distant behind, trying to be inconspicous. Their white shapes gave them away though, reflecting brilliantly in the morning's light. Zezima was soon convinced he was being tailed.

27-May-2006 18:22:07

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