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17-Jun-2012 22:20:12

10-Oct-2014 00:22:06

SlayGuruHugh said :
I do like your story :::: i am going to offer constructive critisism please dont take to hard:::; you need a hook at the beguinging a attention grabber the details you use jump into effect pretty fast and could use more transitional phrases..... overall great story and intence i liked the way it slowed down time as i read trying to pick apart the words in order to find the meaning. keep up the fictional writing please. C:

Thanks for the feedback! I'll take to heart the transitional phrases advice, and I'll start to actively seek to implement a few more of them throughout. I took a quick read-through of the first page and that was definitely an apt observation.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but my signature introduction is a boring one that sets the scene. Most authors will tell you to select a beginning that hooks the reader in, but I've always found that the best introductions are the ones that tread just above exposition by giving a glimpse into a manufactured world. I want mine to be ones that don't necessary snatch you in but, instead, give a sober glimpse at the world within and leave it with you to decide.

Thanks again for reading -- and don't hesitate to read and comment on anything else in the forum! I really appreciate you taking the time to provide some feedback.

13-Oct-2014 13:06:00

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