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Rays that Shine
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Page 36, post 7, last sentence of second last paragraph,
“Black wings grew out from his back and his eyes began to glow > crimson red < .”
But crimson is a shade of red
“crimson red” is repeated quite a few times here and there, so I figured I had to say that.
“Beheaded, cut in-half, and limbs cut to pieces. Any death caused by a blade you could possibly think of was before the three.”
Well, that’s not as bad as to be hanged, drawn and quartered, or vertically impaled, or sawed in half from the groin down.
Poor Roy, he got muted.
I am glad to know Ark was not killed by a falling tree and tornado.
“The leader took one deep breath and realized that this was not one of his men. “You! You smell differently!””
Reminds me of an earlier point about smelling. Speaking of which, at this moment, my chicken has finished reheating in the microwave. What a coincidence.
“Dante was floating in the air, being choked, by Void's psychic ability.”
The ability to read minds has nothing to do with levitating people and choking them :/
“Roy had punched so hard that his fist began to bleed.”
Well, that’s the first time any hero’s fist finally bleeds from hitting things as hard as the hero can.
And there, the story’s done (but there is a plethora of bios posted afterwards). After forgiveness and falling, the story ends peacefully. The story offers vast combat scenes (that nearly drove me crazy), expansive scenarios for many characters with their own agendas, and a few references (I noticed a quote from StarWars and StarFox) here and there. I felt the self-humour was somewhat overdone, especially at the end, but oh well, at least it worked out.
Nonetheless, I felt the best element this story had was its superiority of dynamic scenarios amongst the heroes, though the antagonizing antagonists could have had more colours, too. By the looks of it, you made your fans quite happy.
“Black wings grew out from his back and his eyes began to glow > crimson red < .”
But crimson is a shade of red
“crimson red” is repeated quite a few times here and there, so I figured I had to say that.
“Beheaded, cut in-half, and limbs cut to pieces. Any death caused by a blade you could possibly think of was before the three.”
Well, that’s not as bad as to be hanged, drawn and quartered, or vertically impaled, or sawed in half from the groin down.
Poor Roy, he got muted.
I am glad to know Ark was not killed by a falling tree and tornado.
“The leader took one deep breath and realized that this was not one of his men. “You! You smell differently!””
Reminds me of an earlier point about smelling. Speaking of which, at this moment, my chicken has finished reheating in the microwave. What a coincidence.
“Dante was floating in the air, being choked, by Void's psychic ability.”
The ability to read minds has nothing to do with levitating people and choking them :/
“Roy had punched so hard that his fist began to bleed.”
Well, that’s the first time any hero’s fist finally bleeds from hitting things as hard as the hero can.
And there, the story’s done (but there is a plethora of bios posted afterwards). After forgiveness and falling, the story ends peacefully. The story offers vast combat scenes (that nearly drove me crazy), expansive scenarios for many characters with their own agendas, and a few references (I noticed a quote from StarWars and StarFox) here and there. I felt the self-humour was somewhat overdone, especially at the end, but oh well, at least it worked out.
Nonetheless, I felt the best element this story had was its superiority of dynamic scenarios amongst the heroes, though the antagonizing antagonists could have had more colours, too. By the looks of it, you made your fans quite happy.
29-Jul-2013 01:11:03
Goodness, I am grateful they implemented logging into the website when you log in the game. Otherwise, I would probably not be able to log in. xD Everytime I tried, it would pop up with the inability to load the page due to no data being received. Anyhow, onward!
First and foremost, thank you once again for your time and effort. I truly do appreciate it. As for the lack of editing, I apologize. That was me either getting too lazy (probably the best explanation) or I had simply forgotten to do it. It'll just have to be something you'll need to grin and bear. Anyway, onto your colorful criticisms!
"“ . . . But, it's without question that you smell and probably taste just like her”
Huh?"
Hm? What? o_o I'm not sure who spoke the line, but if I had to guess it'd be Zechariah... who may I add, is half-vampire. I'd have to look into it...
"Kvatch can eat arrows, and metal heads?"
That was a part of the character's bio, yes.
"“Black wings grew out from his back and his eyes began to glow > crimson red < .”
But crimson is a shade of red
“crimson red” is repeated quite a few times here and there, so I figured I had to say that."
This goes back to the sapphire/emerald debate... which means I can't help that crimson is the only color to truly capture what I'm going for.
"“The leader took one deep breath and realized that this was not one of his men. “You! You smell differently!””
Reminds me of an earlier point about smelling."
Vampires have an advance sense of smell.
Well, truly... I can't excuse my lack of whatever you point out. After all, this story is pretty old. I apologize if the humor... was a bit off. This was the age of when I was experimenting with humor (experimenting? More like try-harding.) Then I realized that I'm not much for humor and decided just to keep it to being serious. I understand that this and all of my work are outlandish in terms of its combat and the like -
First and foremost, thank you once again for your time and effort. I truly do appreciate it. As for the lack of editing, I apologize. That was me either getting too lazy (probably the best explanation) or I had simply forgotten to do it. It'll just have to be something you'll need to grin and bear. Anyway, onto your colorful criticisms!
"“ . . . But, it's without question that you smell and probably taste just like her”
Huh?"
Hm? What? o_o I'm not sure who spoke the line, but if I had to guess it'd be Zechariah... who may I add, is half-vampire. I'd have to look into it...
"Kvatch can eat arrows, and metal heads?"
That was a part of the character's bio, yes.
"“Black wings grew out from his back and his eyes began to glow > crimson red < .”
But crimson is a shade of red
“crimson red” is repeated quite a few times here and there, so I figured I had to say that."
This goes back to the sapphire/emerald debate... which means I can't help that crimson is the only color to truly capture what I'm going for.
"“The leader took one deep breath and realized that this was not one of his men. “You! You smell differently!””
Reminds me of an earlier point about smelling."
Vampires have an advance sense of smell.
Well, truly... I can't excuse my lack of whatever you point out. After all, this story is pretty old. I apologize if the humor... was a bit off. This was the age of when I was experimenting with humor (experimenting? More like try-harding.) Then I realized that I'm not much for humor and decided just to keep it to being serious. I understand that this and all of my work are outlandish in terms of its combat and the like -
The end
is only
the beginning...
29-Jul-2013 14:44:53 - Last edited on 29-Jul-2013 14:56:27 by Serene End
You’re welcome, I also seemed to have try-harded in my humour.
Ah, I did not know vampires had advanced smelling.
‘’If those people who I called the fans of my story insisted that they liked it, then they liked it.’’
So true, and I would never wish to deprive someone of their enjoyment. As Poller mentioned in the SD earlier today, I agreed that there will never be a video game that quite reaches my expectations. I must be pretty annoying, I should learn to be more passive about it.
I can agree to your points, too.
Unfortunately, my area of residence is in some kind of lockdown due a gas pipe leaking and exploding or something like that, causing the police to roadblock the main roads within the centre of the town, forcing me to stay in Prince George at my older brother’s place for the night (I was already in Prince George, so not much is lost, and my older brother and I killed a few hours with vodka). Hopefully the pipe will be fixed by tomorrow. Well, all this means I won’t be able to keep my word, I hope it’s a good enough excuse
Ah, I did not know vampires had advanced smelling.
‘’If those people who I called the fans of my story insisted that they liked it, then they liked it.’’
So true, and I would never wish to deprive someone of their enjoyment. As Poller mentioned in the SD earlier today, I agreed that there will never be a video game that quite reaches my expectations. I must be pretty annoying, I should learn to be more passive about it.
I can agree to your points, too.
Unfortunately, my area of residence is in some kind of lockdown due a gas pipe leaking and exploding or something like that, causing the police to roadblock the main roads within the centre of the town, forcing me to stay in Prince George at my older brother’s place for the night (I was already in Prince George, so not much is lost, and my older brother and I killed a few hours with vodka). Hopefully the pipe will be fixed by tomorrow. Well, all this means I won’t be able to keep my word, I hope it’s a good enough excuse
30-Jul-2013 05:20:55
Ah, you're not annoying. xD You're just the dood that prefers the more realistic, non-fictional stuff. That's your preference! And especially considering this world (well, at least this board) mostly contains stories opposite of your preference, I'm not surprised you're flipping a table! It's like what going on to my favorite video game series, Assassin's Creed. It goes from this deep, intriguing adventure into different time periods throughout history to... pirates. I
hate
pirates. So, that's my preference. Some people relatively enjoy where the story is heading with their new, shiny pirate protagonist. However, I loathe the idea of a pirate. There are so many other intriguing points in history, the French Revolution or French War on Religions to name but a few. But that's the direction that they're going.
Once upon a time, I loved that series to the point that I literally have posters plastered all over the walls in my room. Now I wouldn't mind tearing them down. I keep them up in the hopes that perhaps one day it will return! But I'm sure you're probably irritated with my fangirl ranting so I'll get back onto topic! You shouldn't feel bad or think you're annoying because you're telling others about your opinions or your preferences. Really. IT'S ALL GOOD! If people get mad and/or annoyed by you just stating your opinion/preference then really they shouldn't be doing whatever it is that they're doing. I concur with objecting to one's opinions and having things to say back to the criticizer. But yeah! Stuff!
Hmm, a gas leak into an explosion?
Are you and your family all right?
Anyhow, thanks again for your time. Appreciate it.
…,.»·•º°°º•·«.,…,.•*´¨¨†hë ènd îš ønlÿ †hè ßègïnnïng,…,„.«•*¨`*•.,..
Once upon a time, I loved that series to the point that I literally have posters plastered all over the walls in my room. Now I wouldn't mind tearing them down. I keep them up in the hopes that perhaps one day it will return! But I'm sure you're probably irritated with my fangirl ranting so I'll get back onto topic! You shouldn't feel bad or think you're annoying because you're telling others about your opinions or your preferences. Really. IT'S ALL GOOD! If people get mad and/or annoyed by you just stating your opinion/preference then really they shouldn't be doing whatever it is that they're doing. I concur with objecting to one's opinions and having things to say back to the criticizer. But yeah! Stuff!
Hmm, a gas leak into an explosion?
Are you and your family all right?
Anyhow, thanks again for your time. Appreciate it.
…,.»·•º°°º•·«.,…,.•*´¨¨†hë ènd îš ønlÿ †hè ßègïnnïng,…,„.«•*¨`*•.,..
The end
is only
the beginning...
30-Jul-2013 14:04:12 - Last edited on 30-Jul-2013 15:57:04 by Serene End
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