~> Plot ~ 40/50 <~
On the whole, it was pretty good. I could see a steady plot line running throughout the entire story and it appeared that you knew where you were going with it at all times. I liked each of the different ‘scenes’ you set up, as in, the various events that happened to mesh the story together. There were just a couple of things that irked me. Pacing was kind of fast at times. It seemed to be snap, snap, snap, and that was the end. It would benefit the story to slow down, add more detail, or add more “event” to each scene. Sometimes it seemed to be a bit too simple for everything to just happen like it did. Also, I thought the ****** was a bit weak. I know, it’s probably pretty difficult to write about fighting Spongebob, but you can do more to add interest to it. To me, it was just, “Oh, he killed Spongebob…” when it should have been, *Oh! He killed Spongebob!” if you know what I mean. I’d like to me more energized when I read it.
These things aside, I liked it. For whatever reason, I did*’t suspect Squidward (ever) so it was a lot of fun reading that in the end. (I wonder if the police will ever find out…)
~> Conflict – 35/40 <~
This was definitely the weirdest conflict I’ve ever read about. It was good, but it was weird… Anyway, good job with it. I definitely saw the central conflict and the smaller ones on the side. You may want to think about adding more emotional conflict, though. I always see many physical ones, but a lot of writers neglect the emotional side. It may be a little difficult, given that your character is a hired assassin and therefore unlikely to have too many emotions, but a good challenge is what writing is about, right? Just think about it, if you decide to edit this story at all or in future writings.
28-Oct-2007 20:08:10
![[#42J4VY9ZL]](https://forums.rs/img/avatars/default.png)
