Ok, the important thing to remember when writing stories is to keep the dialogue real. The easiest way to do this is to put yourself in the scene and write what you would say in the situation. Another option is to pretend as if your watching a scene of a movie. If that piece of dialogue quoted above was in a film it would seem a bit unrealistic. One, because you have to remember this is the main character’s godfather. I don’t think the dialogue would be that flat. It is his godfather, a close family member. He’s been betrayed by his own flesh and blood and all he has to say is one line? Here is an example of what I mean, and keep in mind it’s a rough example:
“How could you?” Ladarius questioned, sword trembling in hand. “He was your son and my father, and you betrayed him. You killed your son in cold blood. You took away his life without even the slightest remorse!” Tears began to fill Ladarius’s eyes as he inched towards his father. “You’re a coward, a spineless, cold-blooded coward!” Ladarius screamed violently, raising his sword for the final blow.
You see how much more depth that adds to the scene? I’m sure with your creative mind you could conjure up something twice as good with a little time and thought. So, just remember any time characters are speaking try to make it as realistic as possible. This helps the reader to visualize what’s going on, and it adds to the overall characterization of your characters.
Now we’ve reached the mechanics section of the story. I’ll correct errors as I find them, and if you disagree feel free to dispute!
-- Lazarius,
>> I think you meant to put Ladarius?
--I beg of you, please read the rest before you choose to launch a vengeance-fuelled assault against me.
>> I don’t believe this needs a dash.
--Then, he simply fell to his knees, whimpering sounds not of sorrow but of utter hopelessness.
>> Add a comma after but.
18-Apr-2012 06:12:17
