RuneScape Forum Archive | The Bible of Rimmington

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This book contains famous Bible stories that have been modified to fit into the world of Gielinor.

I want to stress that this is not meant to insult anyone. The purpose is to bring these great Bible stories to people's attention. Hopefully you will enjoy reading them

Contents

Our Anja prayer
The one who asks receives
Anja feeds the five thousand
Cheerful kingdom of Rimmington
Anja walks on the water
Anja enriches wine of Zamorak
Anja is Goddess of Freebies
The begging
The fiery furnace
Anja's wise judgement
Signs of the end times

06-May-2018 12:56:22 - Last edited on 03-May-2020 08:13:22 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Our Anja prayer

Our Anja who art in Rimmington,
hallowed be thy house.
Thy fan club come.
Thy money be bummed
on RS3 as it is in Old School.
Give us this day
our daily gp
and forgive us our scams,
as we forgive those
who've been trolling in Daemonheim,
and lead us not into poverty,
but cover us with gold.
For thine is the fan club,
and Asgarnia,
and the glory,
for ever
Anjamen.

06-May-2018 12:56:32 - Last edited on 06-May-2018 12:57:34 by 4A6F6B6B75

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The one who asks receives (Luke 11:5-13)

Wise Old Man said: “Suppose you go to Anja at midnight and say, ‘Anja, plz lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose Anja inside answers, ‘Shh, Jokku. Hengel is already home, and we are sleeping. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though she will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity she will surely get up and give you as much as you need.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a blowpipe, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for a malediction shard, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will Anja in Rimmington give the daily gp to those who ask her!”

06-May-2018 12:56:32 - Last edited on 06-May-2018 14:15:37 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Anja feeds the five thousand (Mark 6:30-44)

The sweepers gathered around Anja and reported to her all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, she said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to Rimmington and get some rest.”

So they went away by themselves to Rimmington. But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. When Anja saw a large crowd, she had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So she began teaching them many things.

By this time it was late in the day, so her sweepers came to her. “This is a remote place,” they said, “and it’s already very late. Send the people away so that they can go to Falador and buy themselves something to eat.”

But she answered, “You give them something to eat.”

They said to her, “That would take more than half a year’s wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?”

“How many loaves do you have?” she asked. “Go and see.”

When they found out, they said, “Five — and two fish.”

Then Anja directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, she gave cheers and broke the loaves. Then she gave them to her sweepers to distribute to the people. She also divided the two fish among them all. They all ate and were satisfied, and the sweepers picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces of bread and fish. The number of the men who had eaten was five thousand.

06-May-2018 12:56:32 - Last edited on 06-May-2018 12:59:20 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Cheerful kingdom of Rimmington (Matthew 20:1-16)

The cheerful kingdom of Rimmington is like Anja who went out early in the morning to hire sweepers for Winkin's farm. She agreed to pay them a partyhat for the day and sent them into Winkin's farm.

About nine in the morning she went out and saw others standing in Falador marketplace doing nothing. She told them, "You also go and work in Winkin's farm, and I will pay you a partyhat." So they went.

Anja went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. About five in the afternoon she went out and found still others standing around. She asked them, "Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?"

"Because no one has hired us," they answered.

She said to them, "You also go and work in Winkin's farm."

When evening came, Anja said to Mrs. Winkin, "Call the sweepers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first."

The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a partyhat. So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a partyhat. When they received it, they began to grumble against Anja. "These who were hired last worked only one hour," they said, "and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day."

But she answered one of them, "I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a partyhat? Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?"

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.

06-May-2018 12:56:33 - Last edited on 06-May-2018 12:59:49 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Anja walks on the water (Matthew 14:22-33)

Anja made the sweepers get into the fishing trawler and go on ahead of her to start the fishing trip, while she dismissed sad Zamorakian spies. After she had dismissed them, she went to Rimmington church by herself to pray. Later that night, she was still praying, and the trawler was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

Shortly before dawn Anja went out to them, walking on the sea. When the sweepers saw her walking on the water, they were thrilled. "It's Anja!" they said, and gazed in awe.

Anja immediately said to them: "Yes, it is I. Why are you surprised?"

"Anja, if it's you," Jokku replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," she said.

Then Jokku got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Anja. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Anja, save me!"

Immediately Anja reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," she said, "why did you doubt?"

And when they climbed into the trawler, Anja helped them to catch thousands of Manta Ray. Then those who were in the boat worshiped her, saying, "Truly you are the Goddess of Freebies."

06-May-2018 12:56:33 - Last edited on 17-Jun-2018 14:06:48 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Anja enriches wine of Zamorak (John 2:1-11)

A wedding took place at Zamorakian church south of Aubury's Rune Shop in the south-east corner of Varrock. Anja and her sweepers had not been invited to the wedding, but they decided to attend anyway. When the wine was gone, one of the sweepers whispered to Anja, "Soon they will get more wine."

Mage of Zamorak said to his servants, "Bring the extra wine here."

Nearby stood six stone jars of wine of Zamorak, the kind used by the herblorists for super ranging potions, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.

Anja shouted, "Look! A partyhat spawned outside!"

Anja had spawned a partyhat outside the church, and everyone rushed to get it. While everyone focused on the partyhat, Anja did something to the wine of Zamorak without anyone noticing. Anja telegrabbed the partyhat on the very last moment, and Mage of Zamorak was mad.

Then he told to his servants, "Take some of the wine to the master of the banquet."

They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the wine that now smelled like a pee. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, "This wine tastes horrible. Zamorak sucks. The wedding is ruined unless we can get proper wine."

Anja said, "Let me see", and blessed the wine. The wine had now become perfect. The master of the banquet praised Anja, and everyone started planning a revenge on Zamorak.

What Anja did here in Varrock was the first of the signs through which she revealed her opposition against Zamorak, and her sweepers believed in her.

06-May-2018 12:56:34 - Last edited on 17-Jun-2018 14:07:20 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Anja is Goddess of Freebies (John 1:1-13)

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with Goddess of Freebies, and the Word was Goddess of Freebies.

The same was in the beginning with Goddess of Freebies.

All freebies were made by her; and without her was not any thing made that was free.

In her was life; and the life was the light of freeloaders.

And the light shineth even in the Wilderness; and the Wilderness comprehended it not.

There was a woman sent from Goddess of Freebies, whose name was Anja.

The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all freeloaders through her might believe.

But, she was not sent to just bear witness of that Light. She was that Light.

She was the true Light, which lighteth every partyhat that cometh into Gielinor.

She was in Gielinor, and Gielinor was made by her, and investors and braggers knew her not.

She came unto her own, and her own received her not.

But as many as received her, to them gave she power to obtain free stuff and currency known as gold, coins, or gold pieces (gp).

Which were gained, not by skilling, nor by bossing, nor by merching, but by begging, with the help of Goddess of Freebies.

06-May-2018 12:56:34 - Last edited on 17-Jun-2018 14:07:52 by 4A6F6B6B75

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The begging (Genesis 1:1-2:3)

In the begging Anja created the servers and Gielinor. Now Gielinor was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of Freebies was hovering over the waters.

And Anja said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Anja saw that the light was good, and she separated the light from the darkness. Anja called the light "Rimmington", and the darkness she called "Wilderness." And there was evening, and there was morning - the first daily reset.

And Anja said, "Let Christmas crackers spawn everywhere so that players can have free partyhats". So Anja spawned Christmas crackers, and this attracted cheerful people who came to have fun. And it was so. And there was evening, and there was morning - the second daily reset. This was also the first weekly reset.

And Anja said, "Let there be free permanent item spawns that last forever". And it was so. Among other things, free antipoison spawn was added near Observatory clue spot, and it helped adventurers who became poisoned during Treasure Trails. And Anja saw that free item spawns were good.

Then Anja said, "Let the land produce vegetation: allow people pick up free food from farmers' fields for free of charge". And it was so. The land produced vegetation: potatoes, cabbages, wheat, and onions. And Anja saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning - the third daily reset.

And Anja said, "Let there be a farm where talented sweepers can practise their skills". Anja created a minigame and called it "Vinesweeper". And it was so. Anja made Menaphos city quest require a lot of rosemary seeds. This made Vinesweeper very profitable for the most talented sweepers. And Anja saw that it was good. And there was evening, and there was morning - the fourth daily reset.

06-May-2018 12:56:34 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2018 18:20:12 by 4A6F6B6B75

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And Anja said, "Let every adventurer who visits the Rimmington harbour have a free port to run and manage". So Anja created free ships for everyone. And free staff to help them gather free stuff. People could manage their port and send voyages, and everything from port was free. And Anja saw that it was good. There was a sweeper named Umi who worked at the port. Anja blessed her and said, "To people who are helpful, give lifeboats to protect their crew". And there was evening, and there was morning - the fifth daily reset.

And Anja said, "Let the Elf city come alive and offer many kind of freebies". And it was so. Anja called the city "Prifddinas". She put an autobumming feature in effect so that people could borrow things from the elves more easily. Anja made mint cakes available from Hefin course so that sweepers could beg for a treat from their agile friends. Among other things, the elf city also contained free harmonic dust and crafting xp from harps and afk runite. And Anja saw that it was good.

Then Anja said, "Let Solomon offer free items for members every month, so that those who have already paid don't have to make additional payments". And it was so. And Anja saw that it was good.

Then Anja said, "Let people have free stuff for watching live streams because it's increasing their view counts". And it was so. This system was called LootScape. And Anja saw that it was bugged. Some people who supported Zamorak didn't get anything, while sweepers were often seen to receive multiple lootcrates.

Anja saw all that she had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning - the sixth daily reset.

By the seventh day Anja had finished the work she had been doing; so on the seventh day she enjoyed all the freebies. Then Anja blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it she enjoyed all the freebies she had made.

06-May-2018 12:56:35 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2018 18:31:06 by 4A6F6B6B75

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The Bible of Rimmington