RuneScape Forum Archive | The Bible of Rimmington

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The fiery furnace (Daniel 3:1-29)

In the Eastern Lands there was an isle whose population consisted of Zamorak supporters. The King especially was a fanatic fan of Zamorak, so he made an image of gold, sixty cubits high and six cubits wide, and set it up in the middle of the island. He then summoned the black knights, monks, dark wizards, chaos druids, and all the other locals to come to the dedication of the image he had set up. So the black knights, monks, dark wizards, chaos druids, and all the other locals assembled for the dedication of the image, and they stood before it.

Then a Mage of Zamorak loudly proclaimed, "Nations and peoples of every language, this is what you are commanded to do: As soon as you hear the sound of Altar Ego, Scape Sad, and all kinds of music tracks from Zamorakian areas, you must fall down and worship the image of gold that the King has set up for Zamorak. Whoever does not fall down and worship will immediately be thrown into a blazing furnace."

Therefore, as soon as they heard the sound of Altar Ego, Scape Sad, and all kinds of music tracks from Zamorakian areas, all the nations and peoples of every language fell down and worshiped the image of gold that the King had set up.

At this time a ship arrived at the isle, and three sweepers came ashore. The locals played Altar Ego, Scape Sad, and all kinds of music tracks from Zamorakian areas to the sweepers and asked them to worship the image of gold. The sweepers spat on the ground and shook their heads. Some Zamorakians immediately cried to the king: "Your Majesty has issued a decree that everyone who hears the sound of Altar Ego, Scape Sad, and all kinds of music tracks from Zamorakian areas must fall down and worship the image of gold, and that whoever does not fall down and worship will be thrown into a blazing furnace. But there are some sweepers who pay no attention to you, Your Majesty. They neither serve Zamorak nor worship the image of gold you have set up."

06-May-2018 12:56:35 - Last edited on 29-Dec-2018 12:13:46 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Furious with rage, the king summoned the sweepers, so these were brought before the king, and the king said to them, "Is it true that you do not serve Zamorak or worship the image of gold I have set up? Now when you hear the sound of Altar Ego, Scape Sad, and all kinds of music tracks from Zamorakian areas, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?"

The sweepers replied to him, "We do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the Goddess we serve is able to deliver us from it, and she will deliver us from your hand. We want you to know that we will not serve Zamorak or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Then the king was furious with the sweepers. He ordered a smithing rework that heated the furnace seven times hotter than usual and commanded some of the strongest black knights in his army to tie up the sweepers and throw them into the blazing furnace. So these were bound and thrown into the blazing furnace. The king’s command was so urgent and the furnace so hot that the flames of the fire killed the black knights who took up the sweepers, and these three sweepers, firmly tied, fell into the blazing furnace.

Then the king leaped to his feet in amazement and asked his advisers, "Weren’t there three men that we tied up and threw into the fire?"

They replied, "Certainly, Your Majesty."

He said, "Look! I see four people walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a daughter of the gods."

The king then approached the opening of the blazing furnace and shouted, "Sweepers of the Most High Goddess, come out! Come here!"

06-May-2018 13:00:17 - Last edited on 29-Dec-2018 12:14:17 by 4A6F6B6B75

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So the sweepers came out of the fire, and the black knights, monks, dark wizards, chaos druids, and all the other locals crowded around them. They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them.

Then the king said, "Praise be to the Goddess of Freebies, who has sent her Angel and rescued her servants! They trusted in her and defied the king’s command and were willing to give up their lives rather than serve or worship any god except their own Goddess. Therefore I decree that the people of any nation or language who say anything against the Goddess of Freebies be cut into pieces and their houses be turned into piles of rubble, for no other god can save in this way."

Everyone stopped following Zamorak; the black knights became white knights, and monks of Zamorak, dark wizards, and chaos druids became normal monks, wizards, and druids. The sweepers told them that Anja was their Goddess, and they all praised Anja, and the sweepers were given one thousand ancient bones as an apology.

06-May-2018 13:00:18 - Last edited on 29-Dec-2018 12:16:46 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Anja's wise judgement (1 Kings 3:16-28)

One day in Rimmington, while Jokku was bumming Anja for money as usual, Hengel won 200M from Treasure Hunter. Hengel went to Duel Arena in the hope of multiplying his winnings. With his poor fighting skills, Hengel didn't win a single battle, and he lost all the money. In the meantime, Jokku had made 200M by bumming Anja.

When Hengel returned to Rimmington, he saw that Anja and Jokku were sleeping. Jokku's money pouch was chock-full of gp. Hengel went to investigate, discovered a shiny 200M cash stack, and took the money from Jokku.

The next morning, Jokku got up to delight in the money he had earned - and it was gone! But when Jokku looked around in the morning light, he saw that Hengel had stolen his earnings.

Jokku cried out, "Anja, Hengel scammed me while we were sleeping! He took the 200M cash stack you gave me!"

But Hengel insisted, "No! I won the money from Treasure Hunter!" And so they argued before Anja.

Anja said, "Jokku says it's his cash stack that he got from me, while Hengel says it's his cash stack that he got from Treasure Hunter."

Then Anja said, "Split the money into two 100M stacks. Give one stack to Jokku and the other to Hengel."

Hengel was very happy with the idea, shouting, "Yes! Give 100M to both!" Jokku seemed very disappointed, knowing that he got scammed for 100M, but he didn't say anything, as Anja's wish is his command.

Then Anja gave her ruling: "Give the cash stack to Jokku. Do not split it; it is his money."

When all Rimmington heard the verdict Anja had given, they held Anja in awe, because they saw that she had wisdom of Goddess to administer justice.

06-May-2018 13:00:18 - Last edited on 07-Sep-2019 07:50:25 by 4A6F6B6B75

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Signs of the end times (Luke 21:25-28)

There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. On the forums, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the Chewy, the page 51 monster. People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming for their threads, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. At that time they will see the Cool Bump Service coming in a cloud with power and great glory. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your threads, because your redemption is drawing near.

06-May-2018 13:00:19 - Last edited on 03-May-2020 08:15:35 by 4A6F6B6B75