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Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well.
This was an interesting story, Snake. However, it was not without error -- aye, it was rather littered with the pesky things. Mainly grammatical, though there were some questionable uses of words in places too.
Such things considered, you are currently a scribe in TAL. It is mainly your poor use of grammar that is holding you back -- feel free to proofread and re-apply.
If you want me to go into greater detail on some of your errors, ask later; I must be off now. I will help you later, though.
Cheers.

27-Jun-2008 23:01:20

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Poller made my life easier. Basically, I have the same comments he does, with a couple more to add in.
I found myself really doubting the actions of the 'adventurers' throughout the whole story. They didn't really make sense to me, how easily they became violent with little provocation, etc. I also found myself desiring a little more background than you gave.
However, I really like the character Logan because he seems real to me. He mutters and complains and his ready to give up fairly easily, just like a lot of teenagers I know, so you did pretty well with him.
Other than that, just look back at Poller's comments.
As such, you have earned the rank Adept at A Novelist's Forge. Be warned, activity starts Monday.

28-Jun-2008 00:33:29

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Yeah, I saw that, and at first it kind of worked; I especially liked "with their strange speech defects...". However, by killing the Duke and guards the way they did, I felt that you took it too far.

29-Jun-2008 06:28:46

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