Final thoughts:
Overall, this was a very good story. A definite must-read for the lovers of suspense and gore.
*Your plot was very original and extremely captivating, so you received high points there. The only issue I had was that it was slightly similar to the actually movie "The Fog."
*Flow was also very good, nothing much to say there. During some of the fight scenes it was truly phenomenal.
*The detail wasn’t too bad, but it wasn't great either. I only had a brief idea of what some of the characters looked like. In other situations, you excelled greatly here, describing deaths and carnage with wonderful detail. What really took you down was your lack of description to the landscape. While most RuneScape players will know what you're talking about, someone from the outside would have no idea where the characters are.
*Your biggest problem was mechanics. You did*’t seem to know what you were doing with commas and capitalization when using dialogue, which was a consistent problem throughout the entire story.
*Vocabulary was also lacking, as it wasn't very broad. You had a few cases of repetition which hurt you here. There weren’t too many big words, which personally in this story I think was a wise decision. It went well with the genre and characters. No one wants to read a story with so many big words that they can't understand what's going on. I felt you did a good job keeping it consistent.
Plot: (4/5)
Flow: (4/5)
Characters: (13/15)
Detail: (20/25)
Mechanics: (18/25)
Vocabulary: (20/25)
79/100
or 79%.
Do not let this grade discourage you—my Expert level is very very brutal. Had you set your story on a lower level, you probably would have aced it.
I am really glad that I got the opportunity to read your story. It was very suspenseful and intense and a very good read. I would definitely go as far to say that there are no other stories on the forums like it. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Overall, this was a very good story. A definite must-read for the lovers of suspense and gore.
*Your plot was very original and extremely captivating, so you received high points there. The only issue I had was that it was slightly similar to the actually movie "The Fog."
*Flow was also very good, nothing much to say there. During some of the fight scenes it was truly phenomenal.
*The detail wasn’t too bad, but it wasn't great either. I only had a brief idea of what some of the characters looked like. In other situations, you excelled greatly here, describing deaths and carnage with wonderful detail. What really took you down was your lack of description to the landscape. While most RuneScape players will know what you're talking about, someone from the outside would have no idea where the characters are.
*Your biggest problem was mechanics. You did*’t seem to know what you were doing with commas and capitalization when using dialogue, which was a consistent problem throughout the entire story.
*Vocabulary was also lacking, as it wasn't very broad. You had a few cases of repetition which hurt you here. There weren’t too many big words, which personally in this story I think was a wise decision. It went well with the genre and characters. No one wants to read a story with so many big words that they can't understand what's going on. I felt you did a good job keeping it consistent.
Plot: (4/5)
Flow: (4/5)
Characters: (13/15)
Detail: (20/25)
Mechanics: (18/25)
Vocabulary: (20/25)
79/100
or 79%.
Do not let this grade discourage you—my Expert level is very very brutal. Had you set your story on a lower level, you probably would have aced it.
I am really glad that I got the opportunity to read your story. It was very suspenseful and intense and a very good read. I would definitely go as far to say that there are no other stories on the forums like it. Thank you for sharing it with us.
01-Mar-2009 02:09:00