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Ardhonmeth

Quick find code: 49-50-324-54229742

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The Level

The Level

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“Azzanadra had remained loyal to him through the ages of his imprisonment, and though he endured his own punishments, he had still *be closer to the dealings of Gielinor than had his lord for many millennia.”
I’m not quite sure if this is a result of your Silmarillion speak or an actual mistake, but should *be be been?
Also, paragraph three of part three uses ‘terrible’ three times.
“Thus, in the end only Guthix and the greatest of the Elder Dragons, Ûrbeleg, were left to fight Zaros and Azzanadra; so the final battle was joined.”
*in
From what I remember from the original this is definately an improvement. Even if it isn't, the story was captivating, and the Tolkien speak aided the tone of it in my opinion.
=-= Level =-=

20-Jul-2011 22:45:14

Croc 2251

Croc 2251

Posts: 5,867 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Poller5, you've been selected for an exchange on The Reading Exchange. If you can, try to get your read-and-review done as soon as possible. If you need any tips on how to read-and-review a story, reference the third page on The Reading Exchange.
The story you've been assigned to is "Painful Sun," by Admirable Jo.
The QFC code for the story is: 49-50-594-62770231
Thank you, again, for your cooperation, Poller5.
**
Excuse the formality; just trying to get used to using a template. And for the record, I'm about halfway through Illuminating Shadows right now. I'm on a break, for the moment. I'm really going to try to finish it tonight so that I can write up a review tomorrow morning. I guess I'll break my creed for it, though...but I'll try to get two done tomorrow to make up for it.

21-Jul-2011 09:57:14 - Last edited on 21-Jul-2011 09:58:14 by Croc 2251

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Heh, fifty posts is a lot to ask of someone in one day, so I'm not too fussed. As for doing two tomorrow, that should mean your waiting list will be just about empty when I apply with my next story. :P

21-Jul-2011 10:43:05

Chuk

Chuk

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Tried to read, but couldn't focus enough for the moment. :P
One thing I noticed, though: I didn't much like the two hundred thousand and one million soldiers bit. I know that's the way they write numbers in the style you're going for, but for me, it didn't work with such a large quantity. Honestly, I'm not really sure it works for much above one hundred, IMO.

21-Jul-2011 14:52:51

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Mm, that one is a bit tricky, Chuk, and I looked at it many times while proofreading, and it didn't quite seem as awkward as I remembered it being, but it's certainly not a great way to express a number. I dunno what I have against altering it to the simpler, "proper" version, but eh. Let's say it's on probation as is, shall we?

21-Jul-2011 23:56:48

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