Post 7:
One semi-colon issue. *Their spines… stand upright.”
Spelling (which you would have caught eventually): “He strolled about the room, eying the floor carefully, hand scratching his chin and the other behind his back.”
Also, part of Imal’s (what an angry fellow but probably righteously so) dialogue: “And there is sand still, even without the bad I poured out!”
Post 8:
“Dieing” = dying? I don’t know if the first is an alternate English spelling or not.
"'I can accept this.’ he said flatly, a bit of disappointment hung on his flattened tone,” = bit repetitive because of the ‘flat’s
Post 9:
“The light furnishings did nothing but aid the introverted-ness of the room.” Introversion, I think is the word you’re looking for.
Post 10:
“Two soap worn soap stone handles jutted from the un-ornate doors.” Too much soap? Not sure what you were trying to describe here. Un-oranate = unornamented?
“He said has he unfastened the plate and kicked aside the chairs.” Simple typing error, I’m sure. Should be:
“(Dialogue dialogue dialogue),” he said as he unfastened the plate and kicked aside the chairs.
Underneath the armor plating was a simple white linen shirt, “my men will keep watch over you, when you are finished hang my suit on the rack by the knives. --> “Underneath the armor plating was simple white linen shirt (period). “My men will keep watch over you when you are finished hang(ing) my suit on the rack by the knives”
Post 11:
“Holding it in his hand DeLoren marveled at how well it balanced and the very craftsmen ship of the handle.”
Craftsmanship is one word. Otherwise, the description of the sword was well done.
“He cautiously grabbed the scabbard, expecting the deathly instrument to burst into flames or some un-hold magic to spring forth from it and strike him down.” Unhold = Untold (meaning hidden, unrevealed)?
20-Feb-2011 04:49:02
