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~^v^~ Kashan's Tale ~^v^~
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chap 3, post 2. "and he soured through the air like a discarded piece of meat" soured should be soared.
He soured like a piece of discarded meat!
chap 3, post 3. "A thunder sounded, not far away." A thunder should just be thunder.
prologue, post 1. "Yet three more lightings fell from the sky" should be "yet three more bolts of lightning fell from the sky"
chap 3, post 3. "As if on cue, a lightning fell from the sky" should be "as if on cue, a bolt of lightning fell from the sky"
chap 4, post 1. "The temperature dropped immensely from the humidity" humidity would actually make the air thicker and warmer, because water holds heat well
chap 4, post 2. "Timier yelled back, sobbing, and started humming an old, sad lullaby. The lump in his throat obscured most of the words" do you mean started singing? because you cannot say any words while humming, the vibrating of your voice box makes it impossible
chap 4, post 2. “We have to; we can’t stay here,” have to what? Ellya never said anything about walking to Edgeville
chap 5, post 1. "It sounded extremely familiar like the first" should be "it sounded extremely familiar, like the first"
He soured like a piece of discarded meat!
chap 3, post 3. "A thunder sounded, not far away." A thunder should just be thunder.
prologue, post 1. "Yet three more lightings fell from the sky" should be "yet three more bolts of lightning fell from the sky"
chap 3, post 3. "As if on cue, a lightning fell from the sky" should be "as if on cue, a bolt of lightning fell from the sky"
chap 4, post 1. "The temperature dropped immensely from the humidity" humidity would actually make the air thicker and warmer, because water holds heat well
chap 4, post 2. "Timier yelled back, sobbing, and started humming an old, sad lullaby. The lump in his throat obscured most of the words" do you mean started singing? because you cannot say any words while humming, the vibrating of your voice box makes it impossible
chap 4, post 2. “We have to; we can’t stay here,” have to what? Ellya never said anything about walking to Edgeville
chap 5, post 1. "It sounded extremely familiar like the first" should be "it sounded extremely familiar, like the first"
18-Nov-2007 16:06:30 - Last edited on 18-Nov-2007 16:32:18 by Hale
XD He soured XD
Thanks
And I have no idea what the Unit is. Or the other thing. Sorry
-~* The Icelandic Grim Reaper is here *~-
Thanks
And I have no idea what the Unit is. Or the other thing. Sorry
-~* The Icelandic Grim Reaper is here *~-
18-Nov-2007 16:07:20
lol siig im going to make your story perfect!
18-Nov-2007 16:32:53
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