Forums

SM's The Life of Bob

Quick find code: 49-50-261-34153523

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So the quartet strolled over to the castle, ignoring the multiple beggars who kept asking for shiny things.

Once inside the castle, Bob spotted the King of Varrock. Pretty boldly, Bob walked over to Roald, who was slightly shorter than Bob.

"Excuse me, sir, King, whatever your name is, do you have any quests I may perform for some gleaming gold?"

"No you lousy adventurer! I don't! Now get out of my castle before I have you hung and you body nailed to the parapet of the castle!"

Without even looking back, Bob ran straight out of the castle, all the way back to the fountain. Indigo, Zac, and Eklu came out following him, though much more slowly, since they were laughing their heads off.

"Well, that went well!" said Bob, throwing his arms up in the air in frustration.

"Well, what did you expect, he's a King! You flatter him with enough lies for him to give you anything!" said Indigo.

"Well, lucky for you Bob, there's someone who needs you help. Should be pretty easy. See Romeo over there? He's dumb as a rock. Just speak to him, and he'll mumble on about his love, Juliet. Might take a bit, but the quest'll pay well." instructed Eklu.

"Although, it's not in gold. It's more of a nice experience to get you used to questing than anything else." said Indigo.

"Then why should I bother? I want money, not to help out some dingbat with his love life! In fact, you think I could find someone who'll pay a lot for me to kill the King?" Bob said, rather too loudly.

After hearing that last line, a nearby guard raised the alarm, and several more guards came flooding out of the castle courtyard, surrounding Bob.

"You there! What you talk of is treason! The price for which is death!" said the guard who heard Bob say his threat.

All the guards drew their swords, and Bob did likewise.

"Bob! You have no chance against them, you'll be slaughtered! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" yelled Indigo.

"Why don't you just help me, you coward?!" said Bob

04-Jun-2007 17:44:56 - Last edited on 04-Jun-2007 17:57:55 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Indigo pointed at the score of guards charging towards them from the palace.

"THAT'S WHY! RUUUUUNNN!"

Bob, Zac, Indigo, and Eklu all ran for their lives towards the cart. Some of the more intelligent guards noticed this, and began to box the cart in. The group of adventurers changed course towards the bank on the west side. Eklu got there first, and grabbed law runes, air runes, and water runes. He tossed them out to his comrades, and said,

"Everyone, use these to teleport to Falador! Meet up at the entrance to the Dwarven Mine!"

And with that statement, Eklu and Indigo vanished in a big purple sphere. Zac left soon after, leaving Bob all alone to think about how to work the runes.

Suddenly, Bob remembered. He didn't think the hand motions applied to a teleportation spell, so he just stuck his arms out completely horizontal, and envisioned himself moving through time and space to Falador. He had no idea what it looked like, so he just pictured Zac, Indigo, and Eklu standing on a stone street, like the ones in Varrock. A big purple ball swallowed Bob, to the angerment of the frontrunning guards, and then Bob was in the middle of Falador. Sparks went up over his head, and he felt his knowledge of magic had just increased drastically.

"Wow, Bob, I didn't expect you or Zac to actually make it here. It requires a pretty good grasp of magical concepts to cast a teleport spell to Falador, and with you freash off Tutorial Island and Zac being touched in the head, I figured I had doomed you both." said a slightly embarrased Eklu.

"It's fine. But hey, I thought you said meet up at the Dwarven Mine? Why are we all standing in the town square?" asked Bob.

"Because, again I forgot both you and Zac have no idea what you're doing. You would've gotten lost, or at the least mugged, before we would all be able to meet up." Eklu said, turning just a bit redder in the face than before.

04-Jun-2007 17:45:23 - Last edited on 23-Jun-2007 22:08:52 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"You know, Eklu, I take personal offence to that statement. I do believe that I would be very capable of handling myself in a combat situation with a petty criminal who would undoubtably be unarmed if he were to resort to robbing random people on the streets." said Zac, looking indignant, as the rest of the group stared at him in amazement.

"Wha....wha....WHAT!?! DID ZAC JUST SAY SOMETHING INTELLIGENT, MORE THAN TWO SENTENCES, AND NOT DROOL?!" Indigo yelled. Passerbys in the square glanced at him in annoyance.

"I...think he...did..." Bob said, his jaw hanging open in amazement. "But, how did the heck did THAT happen?"

"It musta been the teleport. Something must have affected his mind as he made his way through time and space to get here." Eklu tried to explain.

"It would appear my dear friend Eklu is correct. I believe that the effects of teleportation have had a drastic impact on my intelligence level, which, sadly, was very low previous to this experience." said Zac.

"I don't like. His big words confuse me." Bob said, feeling more than a little intimidated and downtrodding by being reduced to the dumbest person in the party.

'If only I had watched more of the educational t.v., instead of stupid sitcoms and reality shows...' Bob mused.

"Anywho, what is there we can do here? There has to be SOMETHING we could do to increase our riches?" Indigo asked Eklu, as Indigo had never left the eastern regions of Runescape.

"Well," Eklu started, "quest-wise, there's not much here for beginners. I suppose I could take the lot of you to Seer's Village, which is a hub of activity for the wealthier community of Runescape, as opposed to Varrock, which is where the less financially fortunate congregate."

"Stop trying to use bigger words to upstage me. You just look like an imbecile." Zac said, directing his words and aggresive hand gestures at Eklu.

"Well, how far is Seer's Village?" Bob asked, ignoring Zac's slight anger.

04-Jun-2007 17:45:29 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2007 02:36:57 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"That all depends, Bob. We could teleport there, which would take a fraction of a second, or we could walk, which would involve going through the town of Taverly, crossing White Wolf Mountain, and going through Catherby." Eklu replied.

"I vote teleport." Bob said.

"Second." Indigo agreed.

"Well then Zac, since your opinion doesn't matter, we shall be teleporting to Seer's Village, via the Camelot teleport. Now, this is a higher level spell, so Bob, you and Zac will probably have trouble with it." Eklu told the group. He then handed out the runes needed for the teleport, and he, Indigo, and Zac all disappeared in their purple shrinking spheres.

Bob concentrated hard, remembering all that he had learned about magic, but he just couldn't get the teleportation spell to work. After hours of trying, and no help coming in the form of Eklu or Indigo, he decided he was just going to have to hoof it from Falador.

'Ok, let's see, I'm in a city I've never visited, going to a place I have no knowledge of, through places I probably would never have known existed had Eklu not told me about them. All I need to do is pick a direction I guess, so that leaves me...north, because it's the only exit I can see from here.'

So Bob walked out of the north gate, and continued north along a random stone wall until he found a gate leading into a village. Just as he began to think if this was Taverly Village or not, a random guy in this funny looking German outfit popped up, and popped away, taking Bob with him.

---

"Ok, it's been hours, and Bob still isn't here. I doubt he'll be able to get the teleport to work." Indigo said worroredly.

"AND Zac is back to his cheap-good, duck-hating self. I guess teleportation has some diverse affects on him or something." Eklu replied.

"LOOK AT THAT! A BOWSTRING! OH MY GOD, I COULD GET LIKE TEN IRON DAGGERS WITH THAT!" Zac yelled at the top of his lungs, then he charged directly at the bowstring.

04-Jun-2007 17:45:34 - Last edited on 09-Aug-2007 17:06:56 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Well, should we wait for Bob to somehow show-up, or go look for him?" Eklu asked Indigo.

"NO! MINE!" Zac yelled at some other scavenger, wrenching the bow string out of his hands. "LOOK! ANOTHER ONE!"

"Uh, I don't think we're getting out of here anytime soon. Should we let him run wild, or chain him to a tree or somethin'?" Indigo replied to Eklu.

"Let's let him run. I need something to occupy if we have to wait for Bob to get here."

---

"Greetings, adventurer! I brought you here to this field of rare pheasants to help me with a task. You see, I need the tail of a certain pheasant to make new hats, and if you can find the right one for me, I will reward you with a brand new piece of the outfit I am currently wearing." The freaky German guy said, with no accent at all.

"Uh, sure, what kind of pheasant are you looking for?" Bob asked, searching the pheasants to see distinctions.

"I require a pheasant with two tail feathers."

Bob walked over three steps, killed a pheasant, picked it up, and gave it to the German man.

"Yes, that is the right one! Thank you adventurer, here is your reward." The German gave Bob a cool hat, and teleported him back to the entrance to Taverly.

'Wow, I like this hat!' Bob thought as he put it on. And just then, a strange sandwich lady popped up.

"Sandwiches, Bob!" The sandwich lady said.

Bob ignored her. He was pretty sure the food would be toxic or something, and he wanted to admire himself in his new hat at the nearby pond.

"SANDWICHES BOB!" The sandwich yelled, very insistently. Bob just kept ignoring her.

All of a sudden, the sandwich lady whipped out a baguet and beat Bob over the head with it, knocking him unconscious. She then teleported him away, fairly far away.

---

Just as Bob was teleported, a large, man-sized and shaped object landed right on Zac, whose quest for bowstrings had taken him right over to Camelot Castle.

04-Jun-2007 17:45:37 - Last edited on 09-Aug-2007 17:15:13 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
'Uhhh, where AM I?' Bob thought.
It was very dark all around him, and as far as he could tell, he was completly alone. No odd Sandwhich Lady. No Zac, Eklu, or Indigo. Nothing. No-one.
"HELLO?!" Bob yelled. He started to turn around in circles, searching for any sign of life. Being in this void was kind of creepy, and Bob decided the faster he got of it, the better.
All of a sudden, a trio of brilliant lights came streaming out of three seperate, distinct places, all in Bob's field of vision. One was Blue. One was Green. One was Red.
"Greetings, adventurer! And welcome to Gielinor!" The voice appeared to be coming from the Green Light, though Bob did not understand how this was even possible. He figured that crazy lady must have knocked him out, and he was dreaming.
"No, Bob, you are not dreaming. You are in the realm of the Gods, and my name is Guthix. I am the creator of this world, and I represent all that is Balanced in Life, and in Death.
"I," this time the sound was coming from the Blue Light, "I, am Saradomin, and I represent all that is Good. My followers are the most numerous in all of Gielinor. They are the most noble and just of all the creatures my brother Guthix placed in his world."
"My brother Saradomin would have you believe that he Good, but he plants lies in your head. I am Zamorak, and some on the world Guthix created would call me the God of all things Evil. My followers are aggressive, believing that survival of the fittest is the only rule one needs to live by." The voice came from the Red Light.
"Sssssoooo, let's have a little recap here, can we? A few seconds ago, I was hit on the head with a baguette, and now I'm talking to three different colored lights, in the middle of a black void, and all those lights claim to be Gods? I'll tell you what, that lady has quite an arm on her. It takes a lot to knock a fella unconscious through a helmet, I'd be willing to guess." said Bob.

04-Jun-2007 17:45:41 - Last edited on 22-Sep-2007 23:23:55 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"No you blithering idiot! We're Gods! We're here because we need your help to defeat a great threat, a threat from a completely different dimension. Our world is being invaded by a foreign power attempting to take over the Story Forums for whatever odd reason, and we don't like it. This is our world, we built it, we've fought each other for total control of it for millenia. To see something else take it from us is just an overwhelming attrocity! So we're keeping you here in limbo while half of you, you're good half, is sent away to help fight this new threat. Got it now?" Saradomin told Bob.
"Nope." Bob answered ernestly. He didn't get most of what the Blue light was telling him, but he did catch 'keeping you here'. He didn't like that.
"That's just too bad. Because whether you agree with us or not, whether you understand us or not, you're doing our will." Zamorack said with a malicious tone in his voice.
"We even drew straws earlier to see which of Us you'd get to represent. You got Saradomin. Zamorack broke the table after that, so to make that table worth it, you have to go." Guthix told Bob.
"I don't want to. Besides, you can't hold my mind hostage. That's like what those paranoid nuts in Montana do. You know, those people who build homes into the sides of mountains and wear tin foil hats because they fear multiple different kinds of apocalypsi?" Bob told the Gods.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say I have no idea what you're talking about. But it doesn't matter. You're going to fight this threat, and you're going to enjoy it. Or not. That part is up to you." Guthix said.
Just after Guthix ended his sentence, Bob felt a great and sudden pain inside of his head. It felt like his very soul was being torn apart. Suddenly, he felt very stupid (more than usual) and very weak. His armor and sword was also missing.
(Out-of-story reference- go read Night of Oblivion. Not neccessary, but it helps to understand this)

04-Jun-2007 17:45:45 - Last edited on 22-Oct-2007 21:08:38 by Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Star Man 11

Posts: 7,828 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"OOOFFF!"
Zac let out a burst of wind as a man-sized object landed right on top of him, appearing right out of thin air.
"GET OFF-A ME YOU IDIOT!" Zac yelled, and still brandishing his dagger, started to stab widly at the figure on top of him.
Zac was scoring some good blows. As Indigo and Eklu rushed over, they saw that Zac was stabbing a person.
Eklu hurried to take the dagger off of Zac, while Indigo took the now-limp human in his arms and carried him a few feet away so Zac couldn't get to him.
"Zac, if you ever stab a random person like that again, I'm going to dump you into the Lum with weights on your ankles!" Eklu told Zac angrily while sternly shaking a finger at him. "Indigo, how's that man doing?"
"Not good. He's got a lot of deep wounds. Lots of blood loss. Consciousness too. Oop, there we go, he died."
Indigo told Eklu. After he confirmed the man dead by taking his pulse and dropping his arm a few times, he checked his pockets, found some money, kept it, and then he found a card. He read it out loud.
"Eklu, I found a card on him! It says, 'Steve Hermansson, 158 Mandarin Road, Iceland. Need beer? We're here!'"
"Well, he's from Iceland, and he sells his beer, I take it. His name is Steve. Wait a second! He's from Iceland. Why the heck is this card in English?" Eklu wondered out loud.
Zac, who had been sitting in the same spot where Eklu left him, suddenly had another man-sized and shaped object land on top of him. This action corresponded with the disappearance of Steve's corpse.
"OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU AGAIN!" Zac screamed as he began to claw at Steve's throat. Steve meekly put up his hands to try to block the assault, but Zac just batted his hands away and succeeded in his goal. Eventually, he drew blood, and crushed Steve's windpipe.
"Zac! If you crush the throat of a random person like that again, I'm going to drop you in the middle of the desert with no water!" Eklu yelled at Zac.

04-Jun-2007 17:45:49 - Last edited on 22-Oct-2007 21:21:00 by Star Man 11

Quick find code: 49-50-261-34153523 Back to Top