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RS Story Contest #4 - Survivor

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Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I apologise Aeraie, you have missed the deadline and us such I cannot allow entrance to the contest, but thanks for expressing interest. I am just in the final stages of looking at the entries so I'll let you know in an hour or two.

EDIT: Yes Wolf, it is very hard to pick.

14-Jun-2011 06:36:09 - Last edited on 14-Jun-2011 07:33:18 by Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Level: The creative aspect of the entry was quite strong and I liked the idea of a world that was altered to whatever Charles wanted. I would have really liked some further strong adjectives to go with some of the scenery, like the way you described the battle, but I thought it was clever how everything was described from the point of view of Charles. There were a few silly spelling errors, however this was one of the entries that I kept coming back to read again and again, so I congratulate you on the way you transformed your concept into a well structured and written story.

Sir Lamentar: One of the best entries to integrate the theme, your entry progresses and evolves in a brilliant manner. I particularly liked the continued reference to that “one ugly word” through the story, and the separation of the one line at the end to resolve the questions posed throughout. Overall this was just a very well written and high quality entry.

Paccy IV: The well-written dialogue captures me from the start, and the commanding hold over the battle further draws me in. However, I question the skipping of the major part of the battle as it is the part I looked forward to after reading the first few lines. I understand that you wanted to get the twist in, which I really liked, but sacrificing the major action to skip to the ending seemed rushed to me. It also seems like you just wrote a story and quickly added betrayal in the end, as I can’t connect to the main characters enough to follow the logic behind the poisoning, aside from the small dialogue explaining it. An ambitious entry for two posts, but your language was fantastic.

14-Jun-2011 07:59:58 - Last edited on 14-Jun-2011 08:00:23 by Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Dieidiot0: After reading all of the entries for the first time, this was the only one that really stuck in my mind. I love the way you change the status from Richard to Phillip as he tries to poison him, and also believe you very successfully convey this through Richard’s thoughts and subtle dialogue. Perhaps your descriptive language is not as strong as some other entries, but the quality of your dialogue and evolution of your basic concept throughout the entry is really well done.

Hooded: After noticing a few annoying grammatical errors, it became obvious to me that action in writing is your strong point. Particularly towards the end of the entry, your suspenseful language in regard to action was very well done. I would have loved to see some more description, though, especially for things such as the fire from the dragons and the chest. The first quarter of your entry could have been cut out (in preparation for the search) to aid in this description, since it really did*’t add much overall and made the story seem slightly rushed. Betrayal is also a theme that isn’t very prominent in your entry, but nevertheless, a well-written and quality story.

Raschilat: First off, I really enjoyed the conversational tone you achieved throughout the story and particularly liked the reference to the diamond sparkling more with the good news. The ending line in the entry has a great impact and fantastic integration of betrayal, and this is achieved through the common line “I’m never drinking again”. In conclusion, this is a very well-written entry and conveys the message of betrayal nicely, so well done.

14-Jun-2011 07:59:59 - Last edited on 14-Jun-2011 11:30:50 by Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
L-U-T-O: The thought process of David’s that you go through as the story progresses is really insightful and works well with the style of writing but there are a few issues I have with this story. Firstly, you tend to tell more than show. Instead of a lot of descriptive language you could be using, the story tends to just state the events which doesn’t allow for much imagery and isn’t as interesting as “showing”. I also did*’t like the use of capitals to convey the fact that Ellen was shouting. It is better to just have “shouted Ellen” or use some other word at the end of the dialogue to explain this. I really liked the twist involving the wife and her own plan for divorce, however, and this allowed the message of betrayal to shine through in a unique and interesting way, so well done.

WolfLord7777: The way you slow down the pace of entry with lots of commas before progressing to the fast-paced scene of murder is very well done, and also helps your message of betrayal. One description that I want to make particular note of is the “ebbing” of blood, which fits the scene perfectly, along with many of your descriptions in previous points in the entry. I also really liked the reference to a mechanical response, as it really fits the life of the monks that you set out. Overall, this is a very well thought out entry with fantastic description and pace to match.

Archive: One thing that I noticed in your writing that I wanted to make mention of first was your attention to detail. The way you almost became the murderer to pay attention to details such as the removal of his boots was an aspect of the entry that really added a lot. While the plot may have been slightly cliché, your establishment of a fast pace from the outset which leads in to the final twist is a real plus for your entry. As a whole, your story was well-written and set out a perfect pace to match the plot.

14-Jun-2011 08:00:01 - Last edited on 14-Jun-2011 08:01:04 by Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Wintry Elf: Your entry was another really creative one, surpassing most others in that aspect. The way you wove reality into the flashbacks was something that really made this story, and the confusion as to what it was made it more interesting. Your description in some places was absolutely perfect, especially in regards to the fire all the way through. “Dancing tendrils” was a great personification, and the “crackling” description earlier in the entry was also fantastic. The constant paragraphing speeds up the pace of the story and also enhances the quality further, so this was another great aspect. Overall, this was a very strong entry with fantastic interpretation of the theme.

Nyyrikki V: From the start of your entry I was captured by the amazingly well-written action and fantastic description. With the fast pace you achieved through the story, the ending twist was a great way to finish and also showcased the best interpretation of the theme in all of the entries. There isn’t much else I have to say apart from the fact that this was a very well-written entry, and well done.

14-Jun-2011 08:00:10 - Last edited on 14-Jun-2011 08:01:16 by Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Borna Coric

Posts: 3,785 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
To better decide the top two, I have narrowed it down to the top five (was supposed to be a top four, but they were all too good):

- Sir Lamentar
- Dieidiot0
- WolfLord7777
- Wintry Elf
- Nyyrikki V

Congratulations. Out of these I had to somehow decide on the top two, and primarily based it on the use of the theme and how creative this was. Third place was so close to the top two, but here is the placing of the top five. Contact me on the thread or in-game if you want to know your place in this round out of all of the entries.

1st – Nyyrikki V
2nd – Sir Lamentar

3rd – Wintry Elf
4th – Dieidiot0
5th – WolfLord7777

Again, congratulations to everyone who placed in this round and everyone who submitted an entry. Nyyrikki and Lamentar have won immunity in this voting round, which I will post the details to in the next few hours.

14-Jun-2011 08:01:42 - Last edited on 14-Jun-2011 08:10:47 by Borna Coric

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