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Chosen Worf

Chosen Worf

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That's quite good, Cyun! :) A couple things:
"Little people knew me..."
'Few' might be a better choice than 'Little' in this case.
Also, the line about the street being placid in contrast to the party could made to say,
"The street was placid, unlike the party...'
Just a couple minor details, really. You did a very good job of capturing teenage love and envy. I also noticed the little plays on color you used ;P
Well done!

22-Jun-2012 18:36:47

Cyun

Cyun

Posts: 2,389 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thank you Yam, I really do need to sort my proofreading skills out. I must admit, although I would have been 3 years old in 1997, I found it easy to put myself into a teenager in the nineties, having been brought up on the music (as you can probably tell). Actually, I did try to use the songs and bands playing at the party as reference to what was going on.

22-Jun-2012 18:50:33

Yam42

Yam42

Posts: 1,134 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Haha, it appears my annoying habit of pointing out grammatical mistakes has subconsciously affected Cyun. :P
Worf, you just wish you were me. (Kidding)! ;)
I will read Cyun's story in the coming days for sure.

23-Jun-2012 02:23:36

Yam42

Yam42

Posts: 1,134 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ah, an excellent story, Cyun! Where do I start?
First, I thought "Green" in the first full paragraph was a typo, but then I realized it was something stylistic you've developed throughout the piece. I wondered why, but then I realized you were alluding to the saying, "I'm green with envy". This was very clever. Second, you used "platitudinous". I remembered it vaguely from an English class, but I still had to look it up. It certainly isn't a word you hear often enough. Third, you made a reference to a joke about an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman. Is this perhaps the one about the three construction workers and their lunches?
All in all, I certainly enjoyed it!

24-Jun-2012 01:58:50

Cyun

Cyun

Posts: 2,389 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thank you ever so much Yam (or Worf?).
I'm not familiar with that one! This is the one I know:
"An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were having a discussion about tea drinking habits.
'I always stir my tea with my left hand,' said The Englishman.
'I always stir my tea with my right hand,' said The Scotsman.
'How about you?' They asked the Irishman.
'Oh me?' said The Irishman, 'I always use a spoon.'".
Yes, not very funny, hence the "patient smile" upon Julie's face.

24-Jun-2012 03:04:04

Yam42

Yam42

Posts: 1,134 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ah, the joke I've heard was this:
There are three construction workers working on a high-rise building: an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman. Every day, they sit down on the edge of the steel girders and eat their lunches. Every day, the Englishman gets fish and chips, the Scotsman gets shortbread, and the Irishman gets haggis.
One day, the Englishman turns to his companions and says, "You know, I'm tired of fish and chips. If I get this in my lunch one more day, I'm going to kill myself."
The Scotsman agrees and says, "Aye, laddie. I'm with you; I hate shortbread."
The Irishman also consents and says, "I too, am with you fellows. I don't want haggis anymore."
The next day arrives. As the three sit on the girder on the highest floor, they open their lunches.
The Englishman gets his fish and chips; the Scotsman gets his shortbread; and the Irishman gets his haggis.
True to their promise, the three link arms and hurl themselves from the heights.
A joint funeral service is held for the three of them.
The wife of the Englishman is inconsolable, saying, "If I had only known, I would have packed him something different!"
The Scotsman's missus is also extremely sorrowful. "I wish I had known he had wanted something different to eat!"
The wife of the Irishman just grins. "My husband packs his own lunch, mind you."

24-Jun-2012 03:13:42 - Last edited on 24-Jun-2012 03:14:30 by Yam42

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