And this is the solution: foreshadowing. You need to improve your description and your dialogue. If you were to take the information from the dialogue, plug it into prose, and increase the depth and analysis of it, you’d be killing two birds with one stone. Instead of explaining magic within this battle (which I think is abruptly implemented and not introduced), why not make a small portion on the politics of old Brizan, explain the need for the coup, and detail the magic in this less action-packed portion. If you do this, when the action finally does arrive, the reader won’t be distracted by arbitrary snippets of information that seems almost irrelevant to the plot at that moment and distracts from the overall idea of the scene.
On the idea of description, I’d like to make the small note that there is none. Not when there’s a section of dialogue, at least. It’s like you have two switches: dialogue, description; and they can’t both be on at the same time. I really suggest providing more information with the dialogue. Instead of simply saying,
“Hello, Marius. I notice your coat is worn.”
“Because of your penny-pinching father, Enodine.”
“Or perhaps your pigheadedness.”
Why not add prose, and say,
Enodine walked down the aisle between the wall and the piano, his green trousers striking an uncomfortable pattern with the cream coloured walls. Stopping at the chair which blocked his path, he said, “Hello, Marius.” Looking at the head which occupied it, and pointing to the elbows of the figure below, he continued, “I notice your coat is worn.”
The propped feet swung down from the piano keys, leaving a slight hum as they left. Marius twisted in the chair to face Enodine, dropping his book to stare him in the face. “Because of your penny-pinching father, Enodine,” he stated flatly, placing a bookmark in the book, before setting it underneath his chair.
20-Jan-2010 04:27:04
