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Goblins Have Always Been Gay

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YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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And everyone prefers it that way.
Hey! Ho! And up she rises!
Death'll come in all shape-sizes
Put her in a kettle, turn her to a boil
Plant those seeds in the Bandos-blessed soil!
It's a dusky day
So let me show you the way
The goblins have always been gay!

A window opened. Lutesinew looked up in time to duck as an old boot was hurled at her head.

"Leave us alone!" hollered the man who'd thrown it. "Have some damned decency !"

Lutesinew only grinned at him, showing sharp, yellowed teeth. "Send some currency and I'll purchase!" she called back.

"I'll send the other boot!"

Lutesinew leaped to the side as the second boot came hurtling toward her. She paused and stared between the two shoes, blinking beady golden eyes.

~ ~ ~ ~

"What manner of beast keeps two left boots?" Lutesinew complained, taking a swig of her whiskey before offering it to her partner. "Need to stop playing Port Sarim!"

"Aye, aye." Marrowsword nodded sagely, taking the bottle and drinking deep. "Buncha fisher hicks with more left boots than left brains."

"Their brains left, more like! Gone! Poot !"

They were essentially alone in the tavern at the moment. Nobody really liked to eat here when the goblins were at play.

Lutesinew looked around, frowning. "Hey, where's Gobblegrime?"

"Think your girl's out back." Marrowsword slid the bottle back over. "Spectacle named Reldo came by earlier. Had some...opinions."

"Oh, great." Lutesinew climbed off her barstool. "She better not've eaten him. She promised we'd make it out of Sarim without having to check it off the list."

"Who's left on that list, again?" Marrowsword glared at the bartender, who was, in his opinion, taking altogether too long to move to the next patron. He didn't like it when humans watched him.

"Um..." Lutesinew paused in the doorway, spinning around to face him. "Port Sarim. Rimmington. Lumbridge?"

"Lumbridge tried to burn me alive."

"That just how humans say 'hi' to goblins." Lutesinew winked and exited.

08-Jun-2017 03:13:57

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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Reldo turned out to be quite alright, aside from a broken kneecap, which was really fairly mild by Gobblegrime's standards. Gobblegrime was a great ballad writer and excellent chef, but she had certain political predispositions that made talking to humans rather difficult.

Gobblegrime was a historian. Humans viewed goblin historians as problematic, because sometimes they remembered things humans liked to forget.

"I really am quite sorry," the Varrockian was saying as Lutesinew pulled him by the sleeve away from the tavern. "I just felt that she needed to better-source her claims of the so-called 'West Falador Atrocity'. I've never heard of it."

Gobblegrime gritted her teeth, watching Lutesinew tug the librarian away. She supposed she regretted breaking his kneecap. Hindsight was 20/20, though, and Reldo really was an ass .

"Pallid penpusher," she muttered. "Straitlaced straightjacket straight-up straight ."

Gobblegrime prided herself on serving as the band's songwriter and cook. She liked being able to do things other than argue with humans who would as soon call the guard on her as debate her points fairly. Marrowsword was there to handle the violence, and Lutesinew was there to weave her words, keep food in their pockets, and keep them from getting killed.

But sometimes, Bandos rest easy, she just really wanted to hit something.

~ ~ ~ ~

They hit the road the next morning. Reldo hadn't seemed eager to seek recompense, but all it ever took was one side remark—or one errant rumor—to damn all three of them. Lutesinew wanted to get out while the getting was Guthixian.

They traveled in noise. Noise comforted Lutesinew, silenced the voices that always tried to undermine her existence, drowned out her own worries and fears, scared off badgers. She played her lute with glee, the other two joining in in a merry anthem. Marrowsword rode his rat with the saddlebells on, heightening the joyous cacophony.

It was the only way to travel.

08-Jun-2017 03:14:11

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Howdy! Goblins Have Always Been Gay is a story about conflict between cultures, bigotry based on species, class, gender, mental health, and sexuality, and also a bunch of gayblin bards. I have no idea how long it'll go, considering these forums are basically dead , but heck with it, life's too short!

You all may know me as Yenklet, Scribegoblin, or even Ndedkttymge. I write Runestuck and wrote Ancient Memories, along with some other stuff. I think I won a contest once? I also annoyed The Novelist's Guild a bunch. Let's be honest, nobody here knows me.

For the record, I do welcome feedback based on the sensitivity of portrayals—most (but not all) of what I write comes from a place of proximity rather than immersion, so I recognize that I may make missteps along the way.

I welcome the opportunity to grow as a writer and person and learn more about my shortcomings. Let's get started!

08-Jun-2017 03:14:18 - Last edited on 08-Jun-2017 03:20:32 by YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Characters Named Thus Far:

Lutesinew:
A goblin lutist, singer, and sedatephobe. Lutesinew is highly charismatic—for a goblin—but that can only take her so far among humans. Her relationship with Gobblegrime is something of a secret between the trio.

Marrowsword:
Warrior, ratrider, cleric without a god. Marrowsword lost everything in Year 170—everything except his rat, his friends, and a talent for death.

Gobblegrime:
A historian, songwriter, poet and activist, Gobblegrime is a goblin with very strong opinions about the rights of all sapient species. She was born with a rare goblin birth anomaly that gave her the first half of her name.

Nishe: A Saradominist wizard kicked out of the Tower for "distracting misconduct". Now lives with their girlfriend, Marian, in Rimmington. Page 1, post #9.

Marian: A dwarven gemcutter and tenuous member of the Rimmington Crafters' Guild. Page 1, post #9.

Erroell: A Saradominist newbie adventurer from Lumbridge. Page 1, post #10.

08-Jun-2017 03:14:28 - Last edited on 16-Jun-2017 03:11:46 by YuBiusk Ink

The Level

The Level

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Ah, another gem from Yenklet! I still await a continuation of Ten Knights in a Swamp. ;)

Anyway, as usual I found your writing both playful and expressive. There's not much to comment on in regards to plot (yet) besides its originality (I'm intrigued!). I'll just say that as a balance to your dialogue, you might consider some patches of description for our heroes. Leaving everything up to the reader's imagination can sometimes diminish the effect of the piece as a whole. Something to consider.

Other than that, looking forward to more!

11-Jun-2017 21:01:49

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks! Yeah, description was in part sparse because of my faint collections of Runescape scenery. A few years ago, I could've banged out a proper summation of that Port Sarim bar, including the name colorful characters, and number of doors. Now, all I remember is it was nearby a farming patch and you could fill mugs with beer there. :P

I'll aim to get another couple posts up this Thursday.

14-Jun-2017 04:59:17

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Book One: Song of the Lost Song
RIMMINGTON, ASGARNIA
Clink. Clink. Clink.

Nishe lowered the newspaper, eyes narrowing. They glanced at their companion, who was delicately tapping a chisel against an uncut sapphire. "Lovers' rally in Lumbridge."

"Really?" Marian looked up from her workbench. The gemcutter's workspace was extremely cramped, and it had only gotten worse after Nishe had moved in, so Marian had to take a moment to clear plates, cutlery and tools away so she could take the newspaper and read it herself. The dwarf gave a rare smile. "Oh, hey, they made page eight. An' a leprechaun kicked it off? Nice. Shocked they didn't get pushback, though."

"Oh, they did. Check page one."

Marian raised one bushy eyebrow. Her smile faded. She scratched her chin, reading the grim headline. "Well, that's no haven for the Lovers, is it?"

"You'd think a town mostly populated by adventurers would be more tolerant."

"Eh. Fuck 'em." Spitting to the side, Marian tossed the newspaper away and went back to work. "Zarosians are gonna wipe 'em all out soon enough anyways. Let the Lum run red."

Nishe swallowed. There was a weight swelling in their stomach. "Whole world's gone mad."

"World was already mad," Marian snapped. "Everyone else's just now noticing. Just... fuck it. I don't got time to worry about miners' an' Lovers' an' dwarves' rights." She hit the chisel one last time, accidentally splitting the sapphire.

The dwarf's cheeks reddened until she looked like an apple. She turned and hurled the chisel at the door. "I'm trying to worry about us right now, Nishe!"

It stuck in the wood.

Nishe bit their lip. The blue-robed wizard looked down at the newspaper on the floor, studying the top story.

"The Breadbasket of Asgarnia is our top priority," said Lord Daquarius, head of the Kinshra, according to a recent leaked report. "Every army marches on its stomach, and none moreso than the hypocritical serpents of Saradomin."

16-Jun-2017 02:57:54

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

Posts: 2,888 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
~~~~

There's a fine line
'Tween the high time
The flyin' shine of youth
And the fool's tools
Used to cool stool
To shiny it past the truth
You crap on a dress
It's a pressed mess
To sell it now would be absurd
Meanwhile, clean and polish
But the call's to abolish
For the shiny stool is still a—!

"Quiet, Lute!" Marrowsword hissed, stilling the bells on the saddle with both hands. Lutesinew and Gobblegrime both went silent. "Someone up the road!"

Lutesinew looked around. She didn't see anyone—the dusty old gravel road that passed for a highway seemed entirely empty—but perhaps Marrowsword had seen someone behind a tree. She shrugged and stowed her lute.

Marrowsword leaned over, dark hair blowing in front of his eyes. He was the smallest of the three goblins, but the trained discipline with which he moved spoke of an experienced soldier. He patted Belle's cheek. "What's that, then, girlie? We smell someone?"

Lutesinew realized that Belle was sniffing the air. The rat's red eyes gleamed with paranoia. Though she'd been raised alongside Marrowsword, she was an old and withered thing—rats were one of the only animals in the world with shorter lifespans than goblins.

The rat went still. Her head twitched to the left, toward a tall maple.

Marrowsword drew his weapon.

Gobblegrime started flexing her jaw.

Lutesinew raised her lute in a battle-ready manner and stepped behind her companions. There were many reasons Lutesinew didn't live among the tribes anymore. Her martial prowess was certainly high on the list.

From the top of the tree, there came a cough. A high-pitched voice called out, "Um, hello. Goblins. Listen..."

Lutesinew blinked. She and Gobblegrime exchanged looks.

"... I haven't got any money and I didn't vote for Armadyl and everyone always says I'm stringy and gross to eat plus I've been stuck in this tree for two days so really I'm probably even stringier and some of my best friends are goblins and I really don't wanna get eaten!"

~~~~

16-Jun-2017 02:58:12

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