RuneScape Forum Archive | Goblins Have Always Been Gay

YuBiusk Ink

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The warrior crafters all turned, as one, to a small, stout goblin kneeling behind a redberry bush. She had drawn out a notepad and quill, and was currently glaring balefully at the latter, which had broken.

Gobblegrime looked up at them and blinked innocently. "Oh, no mind me. Please carry on."

08-Jul-2017 06:31:34

YuBiusk Ink

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Wickednesses have intervened in this week's update. Fortunately, YuBiusk Inkorporated always has a fallback plan! They have issued me this envelope, which I am... hm. The envelope seems to be made out of some sort of sticky silken material. I am guessing it is spiderweb. Well, no matter! We are all very grateful for YuBI for helping us out like this. Let's see what we're to be mollified with.

Oh, my. This is interesting. We have been gifted with a fable. "Based on a story that could have been true," it says. Delightful!

14-Jul-2017 06:47:31

YuBiusk Ink

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Once upon a time, in a faraway land that has since been burnt into ash, there was a young knight. This knight's name was Quickrow, and it was her task to transport other knights across a vast river cutting through her island. Though there was no stated honor in this duty, and Quickrow was never allowed a weapon or armor, as these would get in the way of the rowing, she was quite satisfied with her lot in life.

She had no real interest in battle, you see. Battles do not ever end. No, not even then.

One day, a man came to her river who was not a knight. He called himself an adventurer, and he had neither title nor land nor purse full of gold—only a sword. Still, he needed to cross.

Quickrow was not allowed to grant access to her boat to commoners. She called herself a knight, and knights had neither time nor sympathy for the landless. Still, she wished to help him, for his need seemed desperate. So she posed for him a challenge:

No coin in hand, no name, no land,
And still you ask? Then here, a task:
Claim thee a home with roof, floor, walls
That join at where the sunset calls;
Name thee the coin within your purse
Of which you're rich, while rich are worse;
And take the title of the queen
Of fey, horseshoes, and rapid gleam.

The man thought on this riddle, and replied: "My home is the world, whose ceiling, floor and walls join at the horizon. The coin of which my purse is full, and that the rich lack, is simple emptiness, for my purse is light. And as the maker of a horseshoe is a farrier, and a fey is a fairy, I think you, ferrywoman, are the queen of the gleaming rapids, and I am to take your place."

Quickrow smiled sadly. "Give me your sword and take my oar, and my title of knight. You must row this river forever, but in your stead, I will complete your quest."

And the man did as instructed, and rowed the former knight to the far side. She left with his sword, his pack, and his mission. And so the story of Quickrow begins.

14-Jul-2017 06:52:39

YuBiusk Ink

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Due to an open battle between radical agents of Seren and the clerks of YuBiusk Inkorporated, the hiatus continues for one final week. We fully anticipate the matters being resolved by then. In the meantime, a riddle:

I'll grow from shattered roots through rock that glint and flash whenever struck
My seeds will sprout only in fire. Sparks will fly; I'll bend like wire.
My form will set 'mid clouds of steam; see my shine! Witness my gleam!
Am I not a pretty thing?
Do I not sing?
Do I not sting?
Who am I?

I am a sword, born of the marrow of the earth sucked by miners and spat into forges. I am but one of many—the war rages on, and more of my kin will be needed to settle things, won't we? You need us to end the war. Only we can save you. So suck up more iron and get to work. The war will only end with our help.

21-Jul-2017 05:46:58

YuBiusk Ink

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~.~.~.~.

Goblins had a way of ruining special occasions.

When she'd been quite young, Gobblegrime had sat in on a mystical ceremony in Taverley—some sort of special ritual the humans had been working on for a while. They had noticed her sitting up in the tree, and had ejected her from the premises almost immediately. A few years later, Lutesinew had been contracted with a group of human musicians, including her then-partner, to perform at a dwarven wedding. Dwarven weddings were long and stodgy affairs, but within an hour, someone had stolen the bride token from its coffers, the two families had declared some sort of bloody feud, and Lute had been blamed for it. And then there had been the Draynor Birthday Party last year.

Special occasions and goblins didn't mix. Goblins didn't really have them—Gobblegrime hadn't had anyone to track her birthday, and goblins were only rarely invited to the many Runescape Christmas celebrations that took place every year.

Come to think of it, Gobblegrime wondered if they'd even have one of those this year. It didn't seem likely.

There had been an occasion planned tonight. It looked like everyone had been pretty excited about it. In this case, her arrival on the battlefield seemed to have made everyone feel...

...a bit awkward, apparently.

"Get out of here, goblin," snapped the one called Phoebus. The cleanly-dressed man with pale hair and pale eyes waved his rake at her. "This doesn't concern your kind!"

"No, it doesn't," Gobblegrime agreed. "Me not concerned at all. Please carry on!" She waved her pen at him dismissively.

The two groups of feuding craftsfolk exchanged looks.

"We can't have this fight while a goblin's ogling us," muttered one of the shabbily-dressed workers. "He might rob the fallen!"

Gobblegrime bristled. " She ."

"Why don't you go stop it yourself, Night Worker?" the chisel-wielder snarled.

" She ."

"And take my eyes off you, Armind? Not for a second."

28-Jul-2017 07:33:08 - Last edited on 28-Jul-2017 07:33:51 by YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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The dwarf locked eyes with Phoebus. "Why don't you deal with it? You're the one who's bothered by it. I think you're just trying to stall."

" She ."

"Gobblegrime!" called a familiar voice. Gobble glanced over her shoulder and saw Marrowsword shuffling after her. He looked annoyed. "What is this? Thought you were sneaky!"

"I am," Gobblegrime said testily, ignoring how the humans all stiffened at the arrival of a second goblin. "My quill broke."

"Your—" Marrowsword groaned and tugged his eyelids down in an expression of utter frustration. He addressed the crowd. "Me am very sorry. We go now. Leave to your fight." He grabbed Gobblegrime by the arm and made to pull her back, when they were interrupted by another shout.

"Wow! Lotta people here, huh?"

Gobblegrime and Marrowsword both let out low sighs as Lutesinew came positively strutting into the scene, carrying her lute over her shoulder as one might hold an axe. She stopped and placed one hand on her hip, surveying the scene.

"Okay," the dwarf growled, "I get that you goblins just think you can go wherever you want now, what with the war, but this is a guild matter . If you try to give us trouble, we will cut you down ."

"Ooh, a guild matter? Really?" Gobblegrime gnawed on her quill tip, fixing it as best she could, and dipped it in ink. "Go on!"

Marrowsword seemed amused. "You cut us down? You not even holding knife right. With that grip, you lose to reimkur ."

"Okay," said one of the well-dressed crafters, throwing her hands up in the air, "I'm really not comfortable with this. There are three goblins, and one of them has a huge sword, and I think that one just said some sort of slur ..."

"Yes, sorry about that," Lutesinew said, shooting Marrowsword a dirty look. He had the good grace to look abashed. "Not for mixed company. See, when a goblin is too weak to survive in the clan—"

28-Jul-2017 07:33:55

YuBiusk Ink

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"Guildmaster," the crafter whined, "they're trying to educate me on their stupid goblin social norms."

Lutesinew glared. "They're not stupid!"

"Well, they are," Gobblegrime said, putting one finger up. "But not human's place to say so."

"That's it. They've ruined the battle. We'll try again tomorrow night" The dwarf turned and stomped away without another word.

The other crafters looked amongst each other, seeming unsure. After some short discussion, they made arrangements to do battle the next night, as the dwarf had suggested. They filtered out of the clearing, some heading into the large building, the rest heading back towards town. Many gave the goblins dirty looks, but no one seemed eager to try anything. Sometimes it paid to have a goblin's violent reputation.

"Well." Lutesinew let out a deep breath. "That was disappointing."

"Where is Belle?" Marrowsword asked, eyes narrowed. "I told you to stay behind!"

"You not my boss, Marrow." She grinned, raised two fingers to her thin lips, and whistled.

After a few moments, Belle shambled up, squeaking irritably. Marrowsword patted her on the back, causing all her bells to jingle at once. "Well, onwards?"

"Guess so." Gobblegrime grimaced, stowing her notebook and writing utensils. She was as disappointed as Lutesinew. She'd really thought there might be a good story in this. "Onwards to the shit campsite, eh?"

"Wait!" called a voice, as they were starting off again.

28-Jul-2017 07:34:41

YuBiusk Ink

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They all turned to see a curvy human in blue robes running towards them. Gobblegrime saw Marrowsword stiffen, and reflexively laid a hand on his shoulder.

The human had very dark skin and very bright hazel eyes. They were dressed like a wizard, albeit a wizard with eyeshadow and particularly thick lashes, but there were no runepouches Gobblegrime could see on their person. They stopped in front of the three, gasping for breath.

"You got a problem, mage?" Marrowsword asked.

"N... no." The mage straightened after a moment and regarded the goblins with a very neutral expression. "I was... I was on my way here when I ran into Jokun and the others. They said that you interrupted their fight. I wanted to thank you."

Gobblegrime blinked. She glanced at Lute, who seemed similarly startled. Marrow's expression of wariness was unchanged.

"My girl—my roommate's brother was set to get himself killed in this stupid battle." The mage clasped their hands together. "I know you lot don't really care about our, um, more complex politics, but I wanted to... I was wondering if there was any way I could pay you back for this. Like, a debt?" They tilted their head. "Do you understand that?"

Gobblegrime was bristling again. Luckily, Lutesinew stepped in, all smiles, and offered her hand to shake. The mage, clearly uncertain, took it. "We'd like a place to stay," she announced. "Tonight. Two rooms."

"... I could arrange this."

28-Jul-2017 07:34:54

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