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Goblins Have Always Been Gay

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YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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So you really been stuck in that tree for two days, huh?"

Erroell bit her lip. True to her word, she had proven extremely stringy—the young human women stood at least twice as tall as Marrowsword, when not tangled up in tree branches like a torn-up scarecrow. She had coppery skin the color of the maple leaves, and this, coupled with her bark-brown leather armor, helped to explain why the goblins had not noticed her at first.

She was currently partaking hungrily of the stew Gobblegrime had served up. Gobblegrime was happy to see the young lady eating something, though she could tell Lutesinew didn't much like having to waste so much good rat jerky on someone who probably wouldn't appreciate it.

"Yeah," she said, finally swallowing and answering Lute's question. "I was just on my way to Falador, but a, uh... a monster attacked me."

"A monster?" Marrowsword's eyes narrowed to yellow beads. "What sort of monster?"

"Well... it had cloven hooves, and big, flat teeth." Erroell bared her own teeth for emphasis. "And these long, curved horns. It let out a horrible sound like a bellows, and it—"

"You got chased by a cow!" Gobblegrime said, delighted. She liked solving riddles.

Erroell winced. "I got chased by a cow."

"So a dangerous hornbeast is stalking road," Lutesinew said, rubbing her pointy chin. "Maybe we should turn back."

"No be a jerk, Lute," Gobblegrime said, punching her girlfriend lightly in the shoulder. She smiled at Erroell. "What got you bound for the White City, girl?"

"War."

"Ah! The universal driver." Lutesinew rolled her eyes and reached for Erroell's bowl. "We have that in common, Erroell." Gobblegrime smacked her hand away, and the goblin bard hissed with annoyance.

"I'm an adventurer," Erroell said happily. "At least, I mean to be. It was either that or keep working as a town guard, which..." She trailed off, her smile fading.

"High mortality rate, there," Lutesinew said.

"Yeah, and... they kept sending me on bad errands. Dangerous ones."

16-Jun-2017 02:58:34

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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"Didn't much like you, then?"

"... Didn't much like something about me, anyways," Erroell muttered. "They called me 'the Scab'."

Lutesinew opened her mouth to speak, and Gobblegrime quickly leaned over and hissed in her ear, "Short for 'Scabarite'. Is a Menaphite slur. Sometimes used for all Kharid folk."

" Ah ." Lutesinew closed her mouth and tapped her beaklike nose, nodding.

"That's war, alright." Marrowsword gave a sympathetic smile, his subtle tusks just barely visible. "Everyone cozy and inclusive right up 'til things get scary."

"No kidding." Erroell let out a long sigh. "But! I'm here now, and adventuring is supposed to be easier. For people who don't fit in, I mean. Should be plenty of room for a Saradominist Kharidian-Misthale, right?"

"Oh, in Falador? You'll fit right in." Lutesinew patted Erroell on the back. "White City's full of weirdos. As long as you all worship same weirdo in the sky, you prob'by good."

"Heh. Great."

"Listen, we're headed to Rimmington." Lutesinew gestured to her two companions. "We might as well travel together."

"You sure?" Erroell frowned. "You really want a... I mean, not to say all goblins are Bandosian, but..."

"Bandos is dead." Gobblegrime and Lutesinew both winced as Marrowsword spoke. His tone was brusque and rough, and deepened, like he'd tried to do when first transitioning all those years ago. "Not many dumb enough to keep worshiping a dead god."

"You good with us, girl," Gobblegrime said, giving a cautious smile. She was avoiding Marrowsword's gaze. "Goblins travel safer with a human in the party. Gives us all more options if we run into strangers. There's a war on with more sides than can count. The soul who can fake the most sides lives longest." She stood up. Even standing, she was only a bit taller than the gangly adventurer. Gobblegrime was very stout for a goblin to accommodate her little jaw eccentricity. "But for now, let's get some sleep."

"Yeah," said Lutesinew. "Got a long walk tomorrow."

16-Jun-2017 02:58:54

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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It wasn't a very long walk at all, really. Midway through the next day, Lutesinew had remembered about the new curfew laws, and then they'd started running.

"How—" Gobblegrime panted for breath. "How you—not mention this sooner?"

"Forgot!" Lutesinew clung to Gobblegrime's back. She wasn't good at running long distances. "It was just a side conversation! They mentioned some rules changes, was all! Some... drama!"

"I see the gates!" Erroell called back. The human was well ahead of even Belle—at the very least, she was a good runner. "They're closing!"

"Shit!" Gobblegrime hiked Lutesinew's knees up to be more efficient to carry and hurtled after Marrowsword and Erroell. Marrowsword was clinging to Belle's back with clear desperation—a running rat was not a smooth ride. "If we get locked out, Lute—"

The gates came into view. In the distance, Lutesinew could see the newly-constructed log walls encircling the town. The gates were indeed swinging shut, though the men seemed to have stopped on seeing Erroell.

Lutesinew chewed her nails, watching the gate. It wasn't that she was averse to sleeping outdoors, but the outdoors just had a certain void of privacy that couldn't be borne for too long without certain frustrations building. She knew Gobblegrime felt the same way. Marrow was a professional, and the three of them were very close, but there were certain things none of them were especially comfortable with—certain boundaries they would not cross—and this meant that nothing was going to happen until they had four nice walls dividing them from prying eyes. Also, it was the Second God Wars, and everything wanted to kill them.

So it was to Lutesinew's intense relief that, framed by the setting sun, the gates stopped closing. Erroell had gotten close enough to be heard. From the sounds of the guards' retorts, they were of friendly faiths.

So Rimmington had declared for Saradomin, then. Small surprise, really. The only other major local faith had been Guthicesia.

23-Jun-2017 07:58:15

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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The gates stayed open. To her credit, Erroell made the guards wait for the goblins to arrive before letting them close up. Lutesinew hopped off Gobblegrime's back and gave a little curtsy, her plain pink skirt blowing in the dusk breeze, to the gatekeepers. "His law is a spiraling shell, sisters."

"And the meek are always welcome to take shelter." The evident captain's lip curled very slightly, but she still finished the prayer. She was a tall, thin woman—attractive by human standards, with long red hair and bright green eyes. Her slightly off-white breastplate and kilt marked her as one of the White Ladies, a fairly young secondary division from Falador dedicated to preserving gender norms protecting the realm alongside their male, better-funded White Knight counterparts.

The other guard just wore the common bronze mail of an Asgarnian soldier, a hollow eight-pointed star of her nation painted in faded blue on her chest. She had short black hair, and her small, beady black eyes reminded Lutesinew of crows' eyes in the way they darted about—as if constantly looking for the next bite to eat.

The others hurried by, but Lutesinew lingered—partially so the two guards had something to be annoyed at other than the enormous scabby rat being dragged into their town, but partially out of real curiosity. "It's a surprise to see a Daughter of Kara-Meir this far south."

"That's an outdated name," the knight snapped. "We haven't called ourselves that in years . Especially not now, after..."

"Oh, right. Sorry." Lutesinew hid her grin, noticing how the knight's fingers had tightened over her sword. "The White Ladies, yes?"

"That's right. And yes, I suppose it is something of a surprise." The woman rolled her eyes, then offered her hand. Lute, caught off-guard, shook it. "My name is Lady Tennte, one of the thirty kni— Ladies stationed here."

"Thirty?" Lutesinew's jaw dropped.

"Why, yes." Tennte gave a taut smile. "Just for the duration of the occupation."

23-Jun-2017 08:00:38

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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~.~.~.~.

Those who visited the village of Rimmingon always saw the term 'village' as a little bit sarcastic. "Yes, welcome to our lovely village!" they would declare, badly imitating the rural Asgarnian accent. "Would you live to visit our thrilling wheat field? No? Okay, goodbye!" The fact was, it just wasn't a very big town.

Walls had a way of making towns feel smaller. Denser. More compact. But regiments of heavily-armed knights and soldiers had a way of making towns feel sharper .

Lutesinew swallowed as the they filtered into town. Tents were everywhere. A large log cabin—she guessed it was supposed to be a fort—stood half-completed to the north. Saradomin's proud blue-and-silver adorned every flag in sight. Yup. Rimmington was occupied.

"So, um..." Erroell bit her lip. "I don't really have anyplace to stay."

"We have gold." Lute shot Erroell a wry grin. "But they won't rent rooms to us ."

"What? Really?" Erroell frowned, glancing back towards the gate. It had just closed. "But they let you into the city! And isn't racial profiling... er, illegal?"

"We aren't a race , girl." Gobblegrime glared. "We a species . Trust me, you learn the difference fast. It gets taught to you. And who enforces that law, anyway?"

Erroell flinched back. She ran her fingers through her hair. "I, um... sorry."

She looked like she was regretting opening her mouth. It was a cute look on a human—Lutesinew didn't see it nearly as often as she felt it ought to be shown.

"Don't be." Lutesinew patted the adventurer's elbow. "Gobblegrime ain't mad, Erroell. She's just... got some passion."

Gobblegrime crossed her arms and gave a small nod.

Lutesinew handed Erroell her coinpurse and gave a wide smile. Erroell gave a weak smile back and walked off.

They watched her head inside. There was a long silence.

Marrow coughed. "She not coming back, is she?"

"Nope," Gobble said.

"Have some faith," Lute said.

An hour went by.

"Noooope," Gobble said.

30-Jun-2017 05:42:35

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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The update will be a day or two late. To make up for it, I have contacted the management at YuBiusk Inkorporated, and they have given me
Thirteen FUN Facts™* About The Modern Godwars!


1. Did you know that Marrowsword is someone called a "Wraitheater"? This term, while highly dramatic in connotation, in fact means very, very little. Just like his dead god!

2. Gods do not go to hell or heaven when they die. They are torn into strips of leather and used to restore sectors of the Eternal Abyss™. Any evidence you have seen to the contrary has been concocted by lying imps.

3. Serpents serve as sorry saviors.

4. Nothing is as it seems, which is to say, the only thing that is certain in this world is the Void. :)

5. Goblins are quite stupid. This is evidenced by their unwillingness to visit human libraries and learn human letters.

7. Imps cannot be trusted, except on Saturdays during teatime. During these times, they can be trusted to serve as target practice for tea-drinking apprentice archers.

6. The War will not end. No. No. Never.

8. Seven used to be a lucky number, before it was ruined by filthy imps.

9. Modern Guthixians should never be trusted. Would you trust a woman who worships the last year's autumn?

10. It will never end. They have all lied to you. Wars never end. Violence is inescapable.

11. Lutesinew is the only one of her green-skinned coterie without blood on her hands.

12. Humans are quite stupid.

13. Never. Never. Never.

*Factual veracity of FUN Facts™ neither guaranteed nor included. Please consult your doctor before using FUN Facts™. This trademark is not™ secured™ and may be infested with Void parasites™; if you experience any potentially Void-related activity in your home within one week of using FUN Facts™, curl up on the floor and pray to Guthix's shredded wraith™, for Good Deaths™ come to all good little children who Wait™.

07-Jul-2017 06:53:37 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2017 06:54:57 by YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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Y'know, the last proper update was kinda sucky.

I hate to tear myself down on my own thread, of course. In this case, it's for a good cause: I realized I was writing my story around post character limits, rather than around what made the best story. I'm going to be revising the way I write these entries from now on. Story first, post-fit second. Shoulda been doing it from the start.

Proper updates incoming within the next half-hour!

08-Jul-2017 05:43:41 - Last edited on 08-Jul-2017 05:43:59 by YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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Lutesinew took the betrayal hard, Marrow could tell. He hadn't known her or Gobblegrime nearly as long as they'd known each other, but they each had their tells. Lute wasn't subtle in her feelings, not when she wasn't deliberately playing 'the shell game'. He saw it in the slight dilations of her pupils, the twitching of her left ear.

Gobblegrime didn't expect people to be good. The stout scholar was more resolute—she grumbled and griped about the wasted gold, but there was little real bite. She just chewed on the one coin they had left and shot him meaningful glances every few seconds.

Marrow wasn't the least bit surprised. Erroell seemed like a sweet kid, but he'd spent long enough with Lute and Gobble to know that there was no one else on this world worth trusting.

The inn had been a gamble. Lute and Gobble shared a history of gambling problems.

"Let's us hurry on," Marrow said, beckoning with two fingers. "Oughta try to find a good shelter 'fore the shadow's all down. Being outside wall is still worse than being in it, roof or no."

~.~.~.~.

It had been Lutesinew's idea to cut through the cabbage patch.

Faster, she'd said. Less attention. Plus, they could check the mansion doors while they passed by (the mansion doors were locked, of course, and the Old Refugee House had a bad reputation regardless). There weren't as many tents on the northern end of the walled-in town. It would be a better place to rest.

Belle noticed the sounds first. Marrow wasn't far behind.

"Swords," he hissed at his compatriots. It was dark in the cabbage patch, but their gleaming golden eyes had little trouble picking out a path around the Brassica-blessed crop. "Be a stink-up up ahead, past the trees."

Lutesinew cocked her head but said nothing. Gobblegrime, on the other hand, dropped low.

Marrowsword recognized that posture. "Gobble," he hissed. "No be—"

The goblin scholar crept ahead, darting from cabbage to cabbage and vanishing into the grayish gloom.

08-Jul-2017 06:30:48

YuBiusk Ink

YuBiusk Ink

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Marrow gave a silent groan.

"Sorry." Lute shrugged with a bashful grin. "She's curious ." She started to scamper after, but Marrow grabbed her arm.

"Not you, too!" he snapped. "You're as quiet as a rat with bells on it."

Belle gave what seemed to Marrow to be a rather huffy jingle.

~.~.~.~.

Gobblegrime crept through the forest. Up ahead was a large, well-kept building. A guildhouse, she guessed, noticing the bright stationary. Perhaps one of the Eleven, even. Wasn't the Crafting or Mining guild near Rimmington? She wished she'd studied more on the matter back in the school she wished she'd been able to attend.

There were two small bands of humans gathered outside the guildhouse. Humans and dwarves, she noted with interest, sinking to her knees behind a redberry bush. One group was dressed in dusty, well-used overalls and grimy, slightly shabby jackets. The other group was dressed in very clean well-used overalls and very neat , slightly shabby jackets.

They didn't have swords, nor armor, nor bows. They had hammers, and chisels, and one of them had a rake that had been modified to serve as a sort of trident. They bore no scars or injuries, but their hands were calloused, and scratched-up, and most of them bore a curious mark on the backs of their hands Gobblegrime could not make out in the light.

"Yield, traitors!" shouted a pale man with pale hair and pale eyes. He was the man with the rake. "The world crumbles around us, and you pitch fits and grumble for better scraps!"

"The world's been crumbling and we've been grumbling for a long time, Phoebus," said a young dwarf curtly. He wielded a pair of carving knives with a perhaps ignorant sort of confidence. "And we still need to eat, war or not."

"Then eat steel !" shouted a man next to the pale one, levying a chisel at the dwarf.

A loud snap broke through the clearing.

Everybody froze.

08-Jul-2017 06:31:20

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