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_.>~*~>Elite Noob<~*~<._
Quick find code: 49-50-118-32846597
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Gah...
12-Apr-2008 05:19:07
12-Apr-2008 18:54:39
I have finished reviewing your piece Lance Tiger so thus I award you with your review.
~Review for Elite Noob~
Plot: I felt the plot was pretty good. It wasn’t the best but it at least kept the plot rolling, at least up to the part where Elite Noob and John are trying to collect feathers, then it kinda goes back to what it was like when it started. Hopefully a plot can come out of them being accused as Macros.
Script: The Scripting was very easy to read and well organized. It was easy to tell who’s speaking and what they’re doing.
Characters: They were fairly unique. Though some sounded kinda generic, but they were more-or-less un-important characters so it doesn’t much matter.
Comedy: I laughed quiet a bit all the way through and you did well with the jokes
. They were original and funny
.
Spelling/Grammar: I found spotty grammar and spelling throughout your story. Most of it was in the beginning chapters where it lacked punctuation. Here’s a list of all the errors I managed to find throughout the story.
“Elite Noob: I know its either a hunk of salami, or a shark's muffin. Oh well looks tasty.”
‘Its’ should be ‘It’s’. Word is also saying that the end of the quote is a fragment.
“Wizard: (Why didnt those other guides warn me) Here are some runes now cast wind strike on a chicken.”
Did*’t needs one of these ‘.
“Elite Noob: *sigh* We need more recruits. Well never be able to beat that level 3 clan without at least one more member”
Punctuation and it should be we’ll not well.
“John: :et's go!* (Chapter 22)
Replace the ‘:’ with an ‘L’
“Elite Noob: Let's ask this house sell”
Is it meant to be this way? Because ‘Sell’ would make more sense if it was ‘seller’ and not sell.
“Sneaky salesman: yes, everything went wrong that day.”
Yes needs to be capitalized.
“Bob: Nah, that’s just some biz we hooked up. It pays the bills, and we get stroked my Andrew Gower every night!!! Sometimes he gives us milk”
By, not my.
~Review for Elite Noob~
Plot: I felt the plot was pretty good. It wasn’t the best but it at least kept the plot rolling, at least up to the part where Elite Noob and John are trying to collect feathers, then it kinda goes back to what it was like when it started. Hopefully a plot can come out of them being accused as Macros.
Script: The Scripting was very easy to read and well organized. It was easy to tell who’s speaking and what they’re doing.
Characters: They were fairly unique. Though some sounded kinda generic, but they were more-or-less un-important characters so it doesn’t much matter.
Comedy: I laughed quiet a bit all the way through and you did well with the jokes
. They were original and funny
.
Spelling/Grammar: I found spotty grammar and spelling throughout your story. Most of it was in the beginning chapters where it lacked punctuation. Here’s a list of all the errors I managed to find throughout the story.
“Elite Noob: I know its either a hunk of salami, or a shark's muffin. Oh well looks tasty.”
‘Its’ should be ‘It’s’. Word is also saying that the end of the quote is a fragment.
“Wizard: (Why didnt those other guides warn me) Here are some runes now cast wind strike on a chicken.”
Did*’t needs one of these ‘.
“Elite Noob: *sigh* We need more recruits. Well never be able to beat that level 3 clan without at least one more member”
Punctuation and it should be we’ll not well.
“John: :et's go!* (Chapter 22)
Replace the ‘:’ with an ‘L’
“Elite Noob: Let's ask this house sell”
Is it meant to be this way? Because ‘Sell’ would make more sense if it was ‘seller’ and not sell.
“Sneaky salesman: yes, everything went wrong that day.”
Yes needs to be capitalized.
“Bob: Nah, that’s just some biz we hooked up. It pays the bills, and we get stroked my Andrew Gower every night!!! Sometimes he gives us milk”
By, not my.
12-Apr-2008 20:00:48
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