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Wyrmdemon814

Wyrmdemon814

Posts: 96 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Spooky voice: I am not a vacuum cleaner!
Elite Noob: AUGH! It's a vacuum cleaner in denial!
Spooky voice: Ugh! Ok fine. You are too thick headed. Its me John!
Elite Noob: >>>Josh<<<! Why'd you scare me?
John: I wanted you to realize that there's nothing to be a afraid of... EXCEPT MY VAMPIRE INSTINCTS!
Elite Noob: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
you put josh instead of gosh just telling you

~~Xemmy~~

02-Jan-2008 16:19:57

CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
~` Review of Elite Noob by Lance Tiger `~
Going into the review, I expected a fantastic noob tale filled with comedy, drama, action, and suspense. Lance Tiger certainly did not disappoint. Although I have read the story before, I can safely say that no matter how many times you read this, there will always be a section that you laugh at. Elite Noob had many strong, hilarious moments written within, but, it also had some very weak points. Through the first two pages, it had many grammatical errors, which improved as the story went on. The comedy was also bland in some places; it did not make sense or it failed to put the joke across correctly. Still, aside from this, Elite Noob was an epic story and it will surely be remembered for years to come.

Comedy: 40/55
I felt as though the comedy was rather lacking in some areas. Either it was not getting the joke across or it was just not very humorous in general. An example:
"Demon Teacher: Noooo! My demon claws can*t pierce his noobish flesh! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
John: Here teacher! I brought you an apple!
Teacher: Nooo! Im allergic!
John: Ha! Jokes on you! I can't spell!"
I feel as though this was an attempt at some form of humor. However, it was unclear to me. The setup came across as it being a joke of some sort, but it did not live up to the original expectations that I had made when reading some other areas of Elite Noob.
Many sections of Elite Noob were hilarious though. Things like the vacuum cleaner in denial, "I forgot how to say keys." and other jokes will stay in my head for a long, long time. However, some jokes just didn't live up to these.
Overall, the comedy in Elite Noob was good, but not great as a whole. Things like the school example dragged down your comedy score immensely, but things like the vacuum cleaner were amazing, brilliant pieces of comedy. Elite Noob was funny in general, but not hilarious.

03-Jan-2008 23:59:03 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:02:46 by CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

CaptChekaka

Posts: 35,595 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Characters: 28/35
Okay, first of all Elite Noob and John were excellent choices in personality for this type of story. You used them to your full advantage and they were *amazing*. Elite Noob and John are probably the two greatest noobs in comedy today. Their dialogue was great for the most part, and I was kept insanely interested throughout the story because of them. Two other great characters were Kitten and Rocky. Rocky was used well in the situations presented and having Kitten do what it did was great! Kitten was definitely one of your stronger characters.
Now, the reason you didn't score a 35 on here is fairly simple. Your supporting characters, generally, were terrible. You based them off of the game and I hate that. I hate it with a passion. Using names like "Level 11" or "Level 126" just isn't appealing. And their personalities were lacking as well. The few "good" supporting characters were: Kitten and Iban, maybe a few others. They just weren't great. Basing them off the game was a terrible decision, that's just true. This far in, there's nothing you can do but improve on that, but, they were certainly one of the causes for your loss of points in this review.

Plot: 27/30
Aha! Excellent work here. I like the way you tied each little sub-plot together and made it into what you did. I was kept interested the entire time because of them. You did a wonderful job of creating relationships between characters, thus, setting them up for a much larger section in the story. I think my favorite sub-plot was either the Kitten one, or the Iban one. They both were done very well and I expected that.
The only real problem is that, within all of these fantastic choices, you seem to have a knack for just leaving one thing completely open, not giving us an answer. Other than that, you did a very good job of keeping me interested.

03-Jan-2008 23:59:04 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:02:58 by CaptChekaka

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