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But there are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.

---Ronald Reagan

My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

---Pablo Picasso

No matter who or what you support, I believe in supporting fairness first.

---Jennette McCurdy

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

---Phyllis Diller

My Son: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
My Son: "Banana!"
Me: "Banana who?"
My Son: "Knock knock!"
My Son: "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
My Son: "Banana!"
Me: "Banana who?"
My Son(Grinning like a monkey): "Knock knock!"
Me: "Who's there?"
My Son: "Banana!"
Me: "Banana who?"
My Son (Disturbingly pleased with himself): "Knock knock!"
Me: "COME IN!!!"
My Son (stomps away)

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

---Steven Wright

People think because I have dogs that I do not like cats. I do like cats. Dogs just don't make me sneeze.

I feel like crap today so no quote just a bump.