A.
I might steal cups of tea from east Varrok stall, then stroll to the Lumby beach crater.
There, I'd open up one of those strange collapsible chairs probably made by the Dwarves, and then sip tea while awaiting my impending doom.
When space rock comes into view, I'd look at the sky smiling like an idiotic buffoon.
This is what my friend adorning a straw hat, who I met while sailing past the Grand Line in the Eastern Lands during Ports, would probably do before facing death.
Meanwhile, my black butler hires a Famous Violinist escaping from forced kidney transplants, and another suffering from terminal illness. Miyazono then plays
Fragments of Guthix
while I hum it blissfully on max settings before she disintegrates into the skylight, and I perish into a wallowing ball of flames.
Just wait, Guthix. I'm coming to join you, pal.
B.
Spend 2.147 billion coins on GE to purchase a Disc of Returning, then shout free gem cutting and armour trimming until Jag, the mythical Elder Gmod—the "m" is silent—bans me.
To do so, Jag boasts a powerful crush weapon with +999 STR bonus. In an alternate Story of excessive Maple leaves, whispers from job explorers foretell the name of this equip to be, the
Banhammer
. In other animated tales, it's a holy weapon lent from Diane, the Serpent's Sin of Envy, to Ban, the Fox's Sin of Greed.
Those unfortunate enough to #getrekt by Jag's Banhammer are luckily sealed away—how you make sense of this juxtaposition, I don't really care. Relocating there brings each to the brink of insanity, shriveling up into wee little
potatoes
cabbages rocking back and forth for all eternity.
It is said, in ancient scriptures, that the earliest settlers from a Classic era of Gielinor knew a place of emptiness far greater than that of even Zaros himself. Lowlifes among those settlers were said to be banished by Elder Gmods into that deep emptiness.
This is that place. It is known as, the Black Hole.
02-Jul-2015 13:55:38
- Last edited on
28-Jul-2015 00:48:29
by
Syra Valero