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Greetings, people, welcome to a super gay noob story! I find that anything gay related is lacking, and the past few times I've posted a gay noob story, I put the word "Gay" in the title, causing some homophobic jerk to report my story to Jagex, and causing Jagex to freak out and close down my thread. While I initially branded Jagex as homophobes, I now think it's because I put the title "gay" into the title. I'm now going to be more subtle.


Got a problem with gay people? Then the back button is on your screen. Please click it, and leave those of us, who don't have a problem with it alone. Those of you who are staying: welcome. Many rainbows will spout forth from the ground due to our collective gayness!

So let's begin with an introduction to what this story is about.

*Ahem*

In a land full of boring straight boys, Social media drama, and immature references to the number 69, A young gay boy named RainbowRid3r gives up trying to be popular at school, and joins The MMORPG we all know and love: Runescape. Soon he meets two friends, Angry B1rdy, and P1xi3dust. Soon, they meet a local level 138 asshole named WangoTango88, who starts making fun of both RainbowRid3r's gayness, and the noobiness of all three of our protagonists, causing RainbowRid3r to brazenly challenge WangoTango88 to a duel in the Duel Arena. A battle which makes RainbowRid3r determined to defeat, Wango, and then surpass him. Before Ted retreats to his PKer clan's Citadel, RainbowRid3r tells him "I will defeat you one day!" to which Wango laughs in his face, and then teleports to the Clan Citadel, unaware of the enemy he just made. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

01-Feb-2019 07:25:44 - Last edited on 01-Feb-2019 10:10:53 by Pink 4 Twink

Characters:

RainbowRid3r: A super gay boy determined to defeat the homophobic jerk TedNugentFan888, He is super confident, and keeps a good sense of humor, Dislikes most heterosexuals but is in love with Angry B1rdy to the point where B1rdy is constantly looking over his shoulder. RainbowRid3r is obsessed with Brittney Spears, Kylie Minogue, and for some reason, bees, hermit crabs, and birds. Has ADHD and is easily distracted. Is afraid of Christians, people from the American South, The kids at school, and horror films

Angry B1rdy: Straight as straight can be, Angry B1rdy wants two things right now in his young life: The respect from his parents, friends, and peers, and a girlfriend that he can share his feelings with, without getting made fun of by his peers. He knows RainbowRid3r loves him. He doesn't really like that, but he is glad that RainbowRid3r is nowhere near him in real life. Constantly tries to woo P1xidust, a known lesbian, but she only sees him as a friend, and has no interest in him. He loves football, and dreams of becoming a detective. Is deaf in real life

P1xidust: A Louisiana lesbian who enjoys 5 things: friends, family, video games, role playing, and romance novels. Listens to classic rock, and knows everything about cars, trucks, and SUV's. Constantly has to log off to help her useless dad fix his 2004 Ford pickup truck. She's focused on getting good grades in school, and is focused on anything but love. Constantly has to deal with Angry B1rdy trying to convince her to be his girlfriend. Is a devoted Christian.

Antagonist:

WangoTamgo88: A level 138 loser who is obsessed with trucks, metal music, and describes himself as "Ted Nugent's Number One Fan!" Thinks gay people need to repent and seek God's forgiveness, and he thinks that Lesbians need to know the pleasure of getting to know a man. Has poor grades in school, and is proud of it. Likes cheese. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

01-Feb-2019 07:57:55 - Last edited on 01-Feb-2019 10:12:15 by Pink 4 Twink

???: WangoTango88's boss in the clan. Unknown to RainbowRid3r, is a bigger jerk than WangoTango88, apparently. Calls AngryB1rdy a "weakling gay lover" Is quite good with his vocabulary, has poor grades in school. is a huge know-it-all. Likes Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh, and Dragonball Z, Maintains a review thread for new quests on the RS Forums.


???: WangoTango88s girlfriend, and is second in command of the clan: Thinks Lesbians need to seek conversion therapy, She is an extremely sassy girl who gets on RainbowRid3r's bad side too quickly. Has defeated Telos 532,000,000,000,000 times according to her. RainbowRid3r suspects she is lying though. Brags about how pretty she is. In reality she is ugly and has no friends.

Support Characters:
Boulder: A delivery troll whose arrival marks the doom of many enemies. Eats rocks, loves artillery, writes horrible poetry and is convinced that he is the best troll poet ever born.

Shitty Schmitty: A Leprechaun swindler who gives RainbowRid3r good advice, worships RainbowRid3r as the "Lord of Gay Boys Everywhere.", the man destined to bring gayness to every corner of the RS Globe. Constantly steals things from WangoTango88 and sells them on the Grand Exchange, and keeps the money for himself.

Pincho the Hermit Crab: A hermit crab. 'cause why the hell not? (All my stories have a hermit crab in it. ) Wants to pinch WangoTango88 though nobody knows why. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

01-Feb-2019 08:21:50 - Last edited on 01-Feb-2019 10:16:35 by Pink 4 Twink

Additional Characters list:

DaddyBoii66: RainbowRid3r's sugar-daddy in-game. Constantly buys him nice things. RainbowRid3r takes advantage of this. Loves Beyoncé, Video games, and sweets. Is 22 In Real Life. Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

02-Feb-2019 23:14:31 - Last edited on 20-Feb-2019 00:11:09 by Pink 4 Twink

Chapter 1: Suspended

-At a posh middle school in Colorado-
Kid 1: *Pushes a Kid named Evan into the wall* Okay, Mr. Faggot, be a good little queermo and give me your lunch money.

Evan: *Spits a loogie into his face, and knees him in the crotch* Unh Uh, honey! This 'queermo' fights back!


Kid1: Of course the gay kid kicks me in the crotch, can't handle fighting like a real man!


Evan: Your brother loved the 'handling" I gave him last night!

Kid1: God Dammit! *Punches Evan in the face*

*school supervisor pulls Kid1 off Evan*

School Supervisor: Okay, you two, off to the office you two go!

Evan: Yaay! I love the office! Free mints!

*In the office*
Assistant Principal: Evan: I am very disappointed in you.

Evan: *Gorges down on the mints the principal has displayed on the counter* Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom. MIIIIIIIIIIINTS!

Assistant principal: For flip's sake, stop gorging on the mints!

Evan: OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Assistant principal: *sigh* In light of the recent fight, I am suspending you for 3 days.
Evan: *with mouth full of mints* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay! *Mint chunk falls down his throat causing him to cough uncontrollably.

-2 hours later-

Narrator: with time left to kill, Evan logs on to his dad's computer and begins playing games, when suddenly he sees an ad for Runescape


Evan: OOOOOOH, I heard about this game! *clicks on the ad and reviews what the game is about* Interesting, 24 skills, that's way more than the Elder Scrolls Oblivion has!


*Clicks create account* *chooses the name "RainbowRid3r"


Evan: Oooooh, Tutorial Island! I was told about this place by the mean kid in my boy scout troop.

Runescape Guide: Welcome to Runescape, I am the Runescape Guide, and I am going to teach you how to move your character, adjust your camera angle, zoom in on the game, and much more! Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

17-Feb-2019 08:20:42 - Last edited on 17-Feb-2019 09:18:50 by Pink 4 Twink

RainbowRid3r: So, how do I move?

Runescape Guide: Simply click where you wish to move.

RainbowRid3r: *clicks on his hat* How do I take it? It's super gay!

Runescape Guide: No, leave my poor hat alone!

RainbowRid3r: I'll pay you for it.

Runescape Guide: With what money?

RainbowRid3r: I'm sure there are other ways to pay you. *winks at him*

Runescape Guide: No, I will take no less than ten jillion gold for this hat, It was given to me the folks at Jagex waaaaaaaaay back in the day. And I don't swing that way, dammit!

Rainbowrid3r: *sad music plays*

Runescape Guide: Now that you know how to move, lets teach you how to zoom in your camera. Simply zoom in. And don't you dare zoom in on my hat or armor, boy, I'm warning you!

RainbowRid3r: I wasn't going to!

Runescape Guide: Lies.....

Guy in a bush: Oi, Ya mind ya own business. Me boyfriend and me are havin' a picnic, no camera zoomin' for you. *spray paints RainbowRid3r's screen*


Runescape Guide: I will not abide this, Schmitty: *Magically un-spray paints RainbowRid3r's screen*
Now, before I send you to the Survival Expert, It is time to teach you how to move your camera. If you do so, you might see things that you like.


RainbowRid3r: Indeed!


Runescape Guide: Oh Heaven have mercy It's like dealing with a 7th Grader. Just move your arrow keys to adjust the camera. Now go down the road and talk with the Survival Expert. Be warned: There's more to her than meets the eye.


RainbowRid3r: Okay! * Runs off down the road and meets the Survival Expert.

Survival Expert: *Is chopping wood* Greetings, RainbowRid3r! DIE TREES!!!!! Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

17-Feb-2019 09:36:18 - Last edited on 19-Feb-2019 22:23:34 by Pink 4 Twink

RainbowRid3r: So I see, 9:00 A.M., too.

Survival Expert: Yeah! I'm just chop chop choppin' wood! I LOVE the sound trees make when they fall to their deaths! Got their sap all over my hatchet, You know, Sap is just tree blood. Anyway, you want to learn how to murder the trees quite brutally?

RainbowRid3r: Sure, I guess, do you need to see a psychiatrist?

Survival Expert: Okay, You can have this hatchet *Gives RainbowRid3r a bronze hatchet*

-RainbowRid3r equips the hatchet-

Survival Expert: Very good, now use your mouse and left click the "Chop option on that evergreen tree over there.

RainbowRid3r: *Begins chopping the tree*

*Tree falls 5 minutes later*

Survival Expert: Did you hear that creaking as the tree fell? I like to imagine that it is the last dying gasp the tree makes after I hack it to the ground

Survival Expert: Here take this Tinderbox, It's time to start a campfire. I like to imagine that the wood is still alive after I set it on fire! Its screams fill my heart with joy!

RainbowRid3r: Um... Okay...

Runescape Guide: Now, click on the logs you wish to use, and press "Light"

RainbowRid3r *Lights a fire* Like that?

Survival Expert: Exactly, now take this Net, and cast it out at sea using the "Catch" option

RainbowRid3r: Okay! *casts his net out to sea*

*Meanwhile beneath the ocean where RainbowRid3r cast out his net*

Thousands of Shrimp: * at the same time* Oh boy, a human to pinch! *They walk into the net and attempt to pinch RainbowRid3r *

Game Message: You caught a shrimp!


RainbowRid3r: I did it!


Survival Expert: Excellent, now we get to burn the shrimp alive and eat it! To do so, simply murder some trees for their logs then use your tinderbox to start a fire, then, you use your captured shrimp on the fire.

Captured Shrimp: Oh, fuck me! Me doomed! D= Just your friendly neighborhood gay boy!

20-Feb-2019 00:30:43