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Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

Posts: 11,421 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nice little steam of consciousness piece, Cyun. The idea of a subway platform as the setting of a story is immensely familiar to anyone who's lived in London, and I honestly didn't expect it to take the turn that it did. That slow realization, combined with the frenetic pace of the unpunctuated prose, made for a very powerful effect.

My one criticism is probably about the form as much as it is about anything you did, but I did find the beginning to be a little bit... jumpy. This did improve later, so either I needed a few lines to get used to the form, or else you just took a couple lines to capture the rapid-fire flow of that kind of writing. At any rate, it's a noble and successful first attempt at what I can only assume (having never tried it) is a difficult genre to master.

03-Nov-2013 22:11:17

Cyun

Cyun

Posts: 2,389 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Poller5 said :
Nice little steam of consciousness piece, Cyun. The idea of a subway platform as the setting of a story is immensely familiar to anyone who's lived in London, and I honestly didn't expect it to take the turn that it did. That slow realization, combined with the frenetic pace of the unpunctuated prose, made for a very powerful effect.

My one criticism is probably about the form as much as it is about anything you did, but I did find the beginning to be a little bit... jumpy. This did improve later, so either I needed a few lines to get used to the form, or else you just took a couple lines to capture the rapid-fire flow of that kind of writing. At any rate, it's a noble and successful first attempt at what I can only assume (having never tried it) is a difficult genre to master.

Thank you very much, Poller! :)

I can certainly see what you mean about the rhythm at the start now that you've pointed it out. The genre is indeed difficult simply because there aren't a lot of "dos" and "don'ts" when writing a stream of consciousness. It's both liberating and frustrating, but something I'd definitely like to refine further.

09-Nov-2013 12:55:08

Cyun

Cyun

Posts: 2,389 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Old Gnomish said :
Updating your credentials I see. ;)

I just read 'Cold Cot' and I love it; hauntingly beautiful. The enjambment and rhyme complement each other nicely.

Much appreciated, Snow.

I have to entice readers in somehow, you know how this works :P

08-Feb-2014 10:20:19

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